


Open Your Eyes and Tell Me You Love Me

by phantom_rain



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kayfabe Compliant, Love Triangles, bc that’s what I’m good at, but there’s baysha too, primarily team bae, relationship drama, sorta heheh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 62,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantom_rain/pseuds/phantom_rain
Summary: Remember, there is a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you.The real struggle is trying to sort out the mess between your head and your heart, and identifying which is which.
Relationships: Sasha Banks/Bayley | Davina Rose, Sasha Banks/Becky Lynch | Rebecca Knox
Comments: 95
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

Never having been a morning person her entire life, Becky is incredibly offended when she finds herself pulled from Morpheus’ arms while she’s so damn comfortable. Even before her eyes open, she wears a look of disgust and she tries her damndest to fall back into the dreamworld. Life has other plans, however, and soon she has no other choice but to open her eyes. With a grunt, she rings in the new day with a loud yawn and movement suddenly lets her know the reason as to why she’s up so early.

“Why are you awake,” she groans, squeezing her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes them tight enough, time will reset and it’ll be nighttime again. She can only hope.

There’s a chuckle accompanied by the rustling of sheets.

“Most people aren’t you and like to get up at a respectable hour.”

Becky clicks her tongue. “Yeah, but you’re not most people.”

“True, but I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Hmm, I can find plenty for you to do here,” Becky sighs and with her eyes still closed she reaches out until her fingers come into contact with warm skin. Her hands move on their own accord until she completely wraps her arms around a waist and rolls onto her back. She’s rewarded a quiet yelp in response.

Sighing quietly, Becky blindly begins her exploration. Her hands move methodically over a firm behind, to a slender waist, pausing briefly to appreciate taut abs and breasts, all the way up until she’s cradling a smiling face. She finally opens her eyes.

Sasha stares down at her with an amused expression. “You enjoy your trip there?” She laughs in reference to the hands exploring her body.

“I can’t help that I’m a distance traveler,” Becky shrugs nonchalantly as she pulls Sasha down for a kiss. It’s lazy, but still carries over enough passion from the night previous. Becky wants to keep going but she soon starts to feel another yawn overtake her. One she tries in vain to fend off.

“You seem like you could use the extra hours,” Sasha laughs again as she tries to move but Becky’s arms tighten around her waist. “Becks, c’mon. I gotta get up.” 

Becky makes a noise that’s a cross between a hum and a whine while she doesn’t release her grip. “You don’t _gotta_ do anything,” she hums as she angles her head up to steal a few more quick kisses. “Just stay a little longer? Please? I never get to sleep in.”

Sasha snorts at this. “You get to sleep in all the time. You hate getting up early.”

“Yeah but sleeping in with you s’different.”

“It’s not even early! It’s like ten!” 

“That’s pretty early.”

“Oh my god,” Sasha swats at her shoulders and shakes her head. “Baby, I wanna stay, but I’ve gotta go. I have an interview I have to get ready for today.” 

This time, Becky is the one who playfully rolls her eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause you take forever to get prepped for stuff. You spend a minimum of four hours on make up. Ridiculous.” 

“Well I’m sorry that I like to make sure I look good!” 

“Mmm you always look good to me, Beautiful.” 

“Sweet talker,” Sasha grins and leans down to where their lips are only a breath apart. Her voice drops down to a whisper. “I still gotta go.” 

Becky pouts as her charms have seemed to fail her. In one last ditch effort, she puts on her best grin. “Stay long enough for a shower and breakfast?” 

Sasha shakes her head, but laughs despite herself. “Only if you promise not to burn my waffles like last time.” 

“It was one time!”

“One time. Once a week.” 

* * *

Becky sneaks up behind Sasha who is at the sink and places her arms on either side of the counter. She presses herself as close as possible and sighs quietly before resting her chin on Sasha’s shoulder. After a moment, one of her hands comes to rest around her waist, pulling Sasha closer. 

Sasha finishes scrubbing the last dish and covers Becky’s hand with her own. “You’re extra clingy this morning,” she chuckles lowly as she feels lips lazily exploring her neck and shoulder. 

“I just like having you here,” Becky hums in response. “It’s so rare we get time like this I just wanna hold onto it for a little bit longer.” 

Sasha knows Becky is right. It’s on very rare occasion that they get to spend time away just the two of them like this. Especially given their schedules and other extenuating circumstances. Sasha enjoys the moments she gets to spend with Becky at her apartment away from everything, even if it is short lived most times. 

She spins around to where Becky is now pressing her back into the counter. With a smile, she reaches up and cups Becky’s face before gently capturing her lips. It’s much deeper and more passion filled than their kisses shared prior and she hopes that it says more than any words can allow. 

“You know how much my time with you means to me,” Sasha murmurs, gently brushing her thumbs over Becky’s cheeks. 

“I’m just bummed there’s always something,” Becky sighs and shrugs. “You said you’re headed off to an interview right?” 

Sasha’s demeanor changes and her face drops for a split second. “I...yeah. It’s for some live Fox thing.” 

Becky’s expression changes as well. “Is it the one with....”

“Yeah...” 

“Oh.” 

Sasha’s eyebrows furrow as Becky relaxes her grip and steps away in favor of straightening things around the kitchen. “Becky...” She tries carefully. 

Becky very subtly clenches and unclenches her jaw before she’s forcing herself to relax once again. “I’m good,” she states quickly shaking her head. 

“Babe...” 

“Sash, really. I think we talked about this before already anyway. Your interview or whatever. I must’ve forgot about it.” 

Sasha doesn’t look convinced and still she moves forward to gently rub at Becky’s shoulders. “I know it’s tough, but I’m still trying to get everything figured out, okay?” 

Becky can only nod, because she knows. It’s all she knows. It’s all she’s been knowing, but she can’t think about that. Not right now. 

She somehow manages a grin. “I know, and I’m not worried about it. I promise I’m not. I trust you.” 

“Okay,” Sasha whispers. Still, she leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Becky’s cheek. “I’ll try to call you some time after, okay?” 

“Okay. Let me know you made it there safe?”

“I will.” 

They spend only a few more moments sharing kisses and saying goodbyes. When the door to her apartment closes, Becky sighs audibly enough to echo. It’s enough to rudely remind her of how she’s once again left with her own mind and thoughts. 

* * *

It’s late afternoon when Becky has returned from her workout. She had pushed herself harder than usual and it’s left her muscles screaming at her defiantly. She doesn’t care though and over all, she’s sure her body will thank her later.

She takes a moment to check her phone for anything important and when nothing grabs her attention, she tosses it on the kitchen counter. She absently turns on the television and heads to retrieve a cold bottle of water from the fridge. Absently, her ears start picking up what’s on the tv.

“I’ve really gotta thank you both for taking the time to be here today. It’s an honor.”

“Well thanks for having us.”

Becky quirks an eyebrow. Her feet slowly carry her to where she is standing before her tv and her heart starts to speed up. For a second, she almost completely forgets about her water bottle and she nearly drops it.

Sasha is absolutely stunning. The thigh high boots somehow pair perfectly with the suit jacket/short combo she has going on. Her hair is pulled back into a neat half ponytail and the blue hues in her makeup manage to compliment her hair perfectly. It reminds Becky of the beautiful color of the sea and she soon finds herself daydreaming about the ocean. And the beach. And what Sasha would look like on the beach wearing only—

“Bayley, now seriously, we’ve gotta talk about this. You’ve accomplished a lot in your career.”

Becky is snapped out of her daydream and back to the interview taking place, but she’s no longer looking at Sasha. She’s not even looking at the interviewer in the tight suit with the bad undercut. No. Instead, her gaze falls to the woman she considers one of her best friends. She takes in the way Bayley is completely relaxed on the couch, one hand resting on the title belt in her lap while her other arm is casually stretched across the back of the couch. Becky’s brow furrows as the man continues his questioning.

“NXT Women’s Champion, Raw Women’s Champion, Tag Team Champion, Money in the Bank winner,” he pauses and gestures to the title present. “Multi-time Smackdown Women’s Champion. I mean that’s a pretty impressive resume! You’ve gotta be pretty proud of all that!”

Bayley chuckles and nods. “I definitely am, don’t get me wrong, but I can easily say that all of that means nothing if I didn’t have this beautiful woman right there with me the whole time,” her grin widens and her arm comes to rest around Sasha’s shoulder as she leans over to plant a lingering kiss on her cheek.

Sasha giggles and her smile is wide as she steals a quick peck of her own before she is reaching up to interlace her fingers with the hand thats casually draped over her shoulder.

Becky’s stomach does familiar unpleasant flips and the crinkling of plastic reminds her where she is. She looks down at the crushed bottle in her hand and she lets out a harsh puff of air. The action brings a familiar pain to her chest and she soon finds herself scrambling for the remote to change the channel. She’s gotta find something else to watch. Anything to keep away from the reminder that she’s still set to watch the love of her life smile without her from however many miles away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aheheh. Hi it’s me again. With something new. Again. Now...I’ve never written anything like this before, and I don’t know why, but this came to late one night in a fit of insanity and well...Here we are. 
> 
> This little intro is kind of a test to see if I should take it anywhere. I’m sure many of you know by now I’m a bit of an angst lord so the genre shouldn’t be surprising haha, but...it may be a tough read at points (I can be fluffy sometimes though, I promise!) 
> 
> Anyway, feedback would be much appreciated. Lemme know if I should take it further.


	2. Chapter 2

“Babe?” 

Nothing. 

“Sash?” 

Still nothing.

“Hey, Sasha!”

She hadn’t even realized she has been spacing out. Blinking several times, she finds herself sitting in front of a mirror with her phone in her lap. A quick glance down shows her a blank message she was probably in the middle of composing. Looking back up, she catches her own distant gaze, as well as the reflection of her girlfriend standing curiously behind her. 

Bayley sets her bag down and crosses the room. The dressing room they had been given was pretty decent. It came with amenities that she surely wasn’t gonna complain about. And also snacks. She definitely can’t forget the snacks. Still though, it was plenty big enough for the both of them and that’s what matters.

Nearing the chair, she places her hands on either side of the arms before resting her chin in Sasha’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, hm? You’ve been kinda out of it since we got back here.” 

Sasha manages a tiny smile and allows Bayley to intertwine their fingers. “I’m fine. Just a little tired I guess.”

“Delayed flights can do that to you,” Bayley laughs as she continues to play with Sasha’s fingers. “You were great for the tv today. You looked amazing.”

“Thanks...” Sasha mumbles, hoping her dejection isn’t displayed across her face. Thankfully for her, Bayley has seemed to have busied herself with pressing tiny kisses to her shoulder. Her next words come as even a surprise to her though.

“Seems to be that’s the only thing I was good for today.”

Bayley stills and her face contorts into a confused frown when she catches Sasha’s gaze in the mirror. “Huh?”

Sasha shrugs absently and slips out of the chair. “I dunno, seems like ‘Bayley and Sasha Banks’ kinda turned into ‘Bayley with Sasha Banks’,” she shrugs again.

“Sash, I don’t understand.”

“It’s stupid, I guess. I just...I dunno. He didn’t even really bother to ask me anything? The only time I got to chime in was to co-sign on something he asked you.”

Bayley’s eyebrows raise slowly and she absently moves her hands as if searching for the right words. Eventually, she settles on a shrug. “Come on, don’t think like that. You got to talk plenty and I mean, it was kind of a given he was gonna ask me more questions anyway. We still had a great time, right?”

“Yeah...” Sasha manages a smile. “I told you I was being stupid.”

“You’re never stupid.” Bayley hums thoughtfully and pulls Sasha into her arms. She quirks an eyebrow when her girlfriend still looks forlorn so she takes it upon herself to fix that. A devious smirk tugs at her lips before she’s teasingly digging her fingers into Sasha’s sides.

Sasha lets out an uncharacteristic squeal and she tries to jerk away. “Bay!” She gasps when the fingers continue and she begins giggling uncontrollably. “Oh my god, stop!”

Bayley’s smirk only widens as she continues her tickle assault. “No, I don’t think I will. If this is what it takes for me to get you to smile then a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do.”

The assault only continues and it ends with Sasha trying and failing miserably at getting away. They eventually up on the sofa in the room, both breathing heavily as their laughs eventually die down. Bayley has somehow ended up with Sasha in her lap, and she reaches up to tuck a few strand of hair before her ears before cupping her cheeks.

“There’s my girl.”

Sasha grins softly and allows herself to be pulled into a gentle kiss. She’s the first to pull away, and she laughs audibly at the pour that forms on Bayley’s face. Instead, she reaches down and grabs Bayley’s hand.

“Here probably isn’t the best place for this,” she hums.

Bayley sighs exaggeratedly but nods no less. “You’re probably right. We don’t wanna end up scarring some poor intern or something. I can think of a few things I wanna do to you that definitely aren’t dressing room appropriate.”

“Bayley!”

“Although...the dressing room could add a little bit of fun to it.”

Sasha rolls her eyes and slides out of Bayley’s lap, but not before giving her a sharp poke to the side. “Get your mind out of the gutter,” she shakes her head before she moves to retrieve her things. “You gonna turn back into a gentleman and carry my bag?”

Bayley makes a show of getting off of the couch and stretching. Still though, she bends down to retrieve her own bag before grabbing Sasha’s as well. “Even though the lady denies me a good time, I’m still a noble gal.”

“You are such a dork.” 

“Yeah, but I’m your dork and you love me.” 

Sasha’s smile flickers, but only for a split second. One would have to be looking at her with an advanced magnifying glass to have seen the split change. Recovering, she shakes her head and loops her arm through Bayley’s as they make their exit.

* * *

“I think we should get matching jackets.” 

Sasha looks up from tying her boots and quirks an eyebrow at her girlfriend. “Yeah, no...I’m definitely not going out there with a giant picture of your face on my back.”

Bayley rolls her eyes and continues her routine of stretches she’s doing. “I meant like we did before, weirdo,” she pauses and taps her chin. “That doesn’t seem like a bad idea though. Would let everybody know you’re mine.”

“Everyone already knows that,” Sasha clicks her tongue and goes back to her task at hand. “No offense, Babe, but you don’t exactly fit my aesthetic.”

“You’re right. Too much glitter.”

“Hey!”

Bayley chuckles and crosses the room to where Sasha has laid out all her accessories. She grins cheekily when she skips in Sasha’s sunglasses. “I dunno, I think I totally fit your aesthetic. I might even look better in these than you do. I need to get me some made that say ‘BAYLEY’. I can see it now. They’ll sell out immediately.” 

Sasha shakes her head and rises to her feet to take her glasses back. “Gimme those,” she laughs and she soon finds her wrists caught in a gentle grasp.

“You’re okay, right?” Bayley asks seriously as her eyes are searching her girlfriend’s face for any sign of discomfort.

Sasha’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Yeah? Why? Should I...not be?”

“No no, I just...I worry about you sometimes. I’ve always worried about you, really. Sometimes I can...feel it, ya know? I just wanna make sure if something was bothering you, you’d let me know.”

It’s moments like this that Sasha swears her heart is about to rip itself out of her chest and run away from her. “I’m okay,” she whispers back as she allows herself to be pulled into a warm hug. It’s strong and warm and has never failed to make Sasha feel safe.

Safe. Huh.

“You gotta be up soon, yeah?” Bayley asks as they separate. “Remind me what you’ve got going on tonight?”

“Oh...I’ve got Fire and Desire,” Sasha turns her back and moves to take her jacket off it’s hanger. “Becky and I are tag teaming.”

“Ooo, that’ll be fun to watch. You guys have great chemistry. Should be a good match.”

“Yeah...”

* * *

The roar of the crowd never fails to keep her excited, but Becky finds her heart racing for other reasons. She’s playing to the crowd enough to keep even herself hype, but when Sasha’s music hits, she feels like a teen boy in the presence of his long time crush. To an extent, she supposes that’s probably true. 

She nearly swallows her tongue as she watches Sasha confidently shut out and join her on the stage. Becky wants to tell her how incredible she looks, but for the sake of everyone there and those at home, she refrains. The last thing she needs is to become the latest internet trend because someone figured out how to read lips. 

“You’re ready to kick some ass?” Sasha smirks. 

“Like a boss,” she answers without hesitation. 

Becky spends only a few seconds sizing up their opponents who appear to be watching them with a shared level of disdain. She rolls her eyes at Sonya’s sorry attempt at looking intimidating. A chuckle escapes her and she leans win to whisper in Sasha’s ear. 

“I want that one.” 

Sasha barely manages to suppress her shudder and jerkily nods her head. She ducks between the ropes and casually rests against the ring post while the matches is getting starting. Swallowing thickly, she soon finds herself becoming lost in Becky’s display of strength while the two women are locking up in the ring. With the way her muscles are flexing, she kind of wishes her gear showed off just a little bit more. Yeah, this is definitely going to be a problem.

* * *

The match goes on far longer than it should have and Sasha hates that she actually forgot that Mandy can hit like a fucking truck. She’s sore in more places than she would care to admit, and she’s currently taking one hell of a walloping in their opponents’ corner. Sonya tags in and just over her shoulder, Sasha can see Becky pacing the apron like a caged lion.

“C’mon, Sasha!”

She manages to shove Sonya away a good enough distance and she takes a running leap towards her corner. A grunt escapes her when she’s caught mid air and she’s stuck lingering just over the other woman’s shoulder. Grunting again, Sasha just manages get an arm around Sonya’s neck and use her own momentum to turn the carry into a DDT. The move leaves them both stunned and she blinks tiredly at the ceiling of the arena.

“Come on, Boss!”

Sasha doesn’t have to see Becky to know how fired up she is. Her body groans in protest as she tries her damndest to crawl towards her corner. Sonya manages to grab her foot and Sasha shoos her off with a quick kick before she’s using the last of her strength to scramble for the tag.

The next few moments consist of oohs and ahs from the crowd and the rhythmic sound of bodies dropping on the canvas. Sasha is catching her breath against the apron while she watches Becky practically manhandle their competition. All seems to be going well, until out of the corner of her eyes, Sasha sees Mandy slipping back into the ring while Becky has her back turned.

Drawing on what is definitely the last little bit she has left in the tank, she slides into the ring and charges at the other woman before landing a drop kick that sends her back through the second rope. This buys Becky enough time to lock in her arm bar and soon the bell is ringing as Sonya has no choice but to tap.

“You okay?” Becky asks while the ref raises their arms high.

Sasha nods and chuckles nervously. “Yeah. I’m good. You?”

“More than.”

Sasha feels her muscles tightening up as they make their way back up the ramp and backstage. She’s in desperate need of a shower and maybe a massage. Before her thoughts can go any further, Bayley appears, startling her.

“Holy shit, what a match!” Bayley exclaims, wrapping Sasha in a hug dispite her grunts of displeasure. “You guys should go for the tag titles or something, seriously.”

Becky quirks an eyebrow but manages her usual lopsided smile. “Maybe,” she shrugs before nodding to Sasha. “I do have one hell of a partner.”

“I’ll say, and you take damn good care of her,” Bayley places a quick kiss to the side of Sasha’s head. “Babe, I’m up soon. You wanna be ringside for me?”

Sasha blinks slowly and her mouth open and closes several times as she tries to come up with a response. “I...I’m pretty tired and kinda gross. I could really used a shower right now.”

“Awe, please? You’re like my good luck charm,” Bayley then proceeds to use her patented pout. Becky has to fight to keep from rolling her eyes.

Sasha’s mouth falls open again and she looks between both women before she’s sighing quietly. “I...guess that’ll be fine. I’ll just need to grab my jacket. When are you on?”

“Match is next!”

“Great...”

Becky’s eyes trail after the two as Bayley drags Sasha off somewhere. She just barely catches Bayley tossing out something about grabbing food after if she’s interested, but she doesn’t get the chance to respond. Sighing, Becky delivers a swift kick to a nearby equipment box before she’s dragging her feet towards her own dressing room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we know...sort of. Surely I wasn’t gonna give everything away just yet, haha. But I defiantly did some answering here. 
> 
> Stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

For it to be so early, she’s actually a little surprised that the hotel gym isn’t completely empty. When she makes her way further in, though, it now makes all the sense in the world. Well, sort of. A quick glance down at her watch shows her that it’s just now 5:30 am.

A soft chuckle escapes Becky as she slings her towel over her shoulder and heads over to where the gym’s lone occupant is running steadily on one of the treadmills. She takes a moment to simply observe before she moves closure. Eventually, she leans casually against one of the empty machines and patiently waits to be noticed.

“Mornin’,” she beams brightly from her spot on the tread.

Sasha slows her run down to a light jog and pops an earphone from her ear. “Hey,” she responds only slightly out of breath before bringing her run to a complete stop.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Becky urges as her eyes can’t help but wander at sweat glistening muscles underneath the poor luminescent lightning.

“I was just about done here anyway,” Sasha playfully rolls her eyes as she catches Becky staring. “Did you come here to get some work done or did you just come to stare?” 

Becky shrugs absently, but her smirk only widens. “I’ve always been pretty good at multitasking. You of all people would know that, yeah?”

Shaking her head, Sasha takes a healthy sip from her water bottle before nodding across the gym. “Since you’re only interested in working out with your eyes, how about you spot me on weights? We can take turns?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Perhaps she agreed to this too quickly and to easily. That’s what Becky is soon thinking as she carefully observes Sasha’s barbell squats. When it’s her turn, she’s completely dialed in and focusing on strengthening her core. But when it’s Sasha’s turn...she finds herself splitting her attention between actually watching over Sasha and then watching...other things. Other things that happen to look really great in this particular pair of leggings.

“You’re staring again,” Sasha calls out over her shoulder as she successfully completes another set of reps.

“I can’t help it. It’s a pretty great view,” Becky hums as they rack the weight. Her lopsided grin returns when Sasha turns around and she moves forward just a little bit into Sasha’s space. “Hi there.” 

“Hi,” Sasha giggles bashfully. A small yelp escapes her when a hand comes to rest on her behind. “Becks, not here. Someone could see.”

Becky shakes her head and her smile doesn’t fade as she moves impossibly closer to where she is pressing Sasha into the weight rack. “Then we’ll charge for a show.”

Sasha laughs despite herself, but gives a small shove to Becky’s shoulder. “I’m being serious.”

“Sasha...” Becky groans, but steps back to actually put a respectable distance between the two of them. “I haven’t seen you since our match last week.” 

“You saw me twice in the last two days.”

“Yeah, but that was FaceTime and one of those was with Bayley. Look, I just...I miss you.”

Sasha nervous chews her bottom lip before giving a quick glance around the gym. Once she’s certain they’re alone, she turns back and gives Becky a gentle kiss on the lips. It’s quick, but just enough still be warm and chaste.

“I miss you too,” she whispers and her eyes downcast. “I’m sorry that it’s like this. It’s just really hard with...everything.” 

Becky nods, because she gets it. Even though it hurts she get it. Some may say she’s being selfish, but she would be the first to admit that she would rather have this than not have anything at all. Most days, she tries not to analyze herself, because she’s left with this sick sinking feeling in her stomach.

It’s only when Sasha smiles at her, is she reminded why. Love. That’s not something anything can change. Circumstances be damned, she’s in love and there’s not much she can do about that. Still though...it can sting from time to time, but she’s gotten used to it.

Reaching out, she softly cups Sasha’s face in her hands. “Something’s bothering you,” she says quietly after a while. “What happened?”

Sasha opens her mouth to respond and immediately snaps it shut. She steps out of Becky’s hold and folds her arms around herself before she’s shaking her head. Gone is her look of content and it’s replaced by something else. Something akin to guilt. 

Becky continues to observe her closely. “Did you sleep with her?” She asks carefully.

“No I...well...almost...” Sasha takes a shaky deep breath. “We came close, but I told her I was too tired. She’s very patient with me, but I could tell she was a little bothered by it. It’s...been a while.” 

“Has she said anything?”

“Not directly. You know how Bayley is. It’s kinda hard to tell when she’s being serious or not. She’ll make jokes about it.”

Becky doesn’t know why that bothers he as much as it does. Apparently, she does a piss poor job at hiding her emotions form her face, because Sasha is soon moving back to her. She’s surprised when Sasha grabs both of her hands and holds them tightly. 

“Please don’t look like that...” Sasha pleads with her voice small and full of worry. “I really try not to talk about this but you asked and...”

“It’s kinda hard not to when she’s like my best friend,” Becky huffs quietly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

Sasha goes back to nervously biting her lip. “You don’t doubt how much you mean to me, right?” 

Becky frowns at the absurdity of the question. “Of course not. I guess I just want you to be in a position where you’ll finally feel okay about everything and not like...I dunno. Not like you’re having to settle.”

The comment hits Sasha like a bag of bricks, but she only nods. “I’m okay...” she murmurs quietly unsure of who she is trying to convince. “I should probably be heading back...before she wakes up.”

“Can I see you again? Before Smackdown and not on FaceTime?” 

“I’ll try, but it’ll be difficult...”

“That hasn’t gotten in the way before.” Becky then leans in and places a quick kiss on Sasha’s forehead. “Just let me know, okay?”

Sasha nods and internally swoons when her hand is brought up and a kiss is placed to the back of her hand.An uncharacteristic schoolgirl blush appears at her cheeks. It’s honestly something she hasn’t felt in quite some time and that only slightly worries her.

* * *

There is an incredibly rare overlap where Raw and Smackdown are filming in the same city Friday and Monday consecutively. Which means that it’s an even rarer occasion for the famed Four Horsewomen to be in the exact same place, all at the exact same time.

Well, that was the plan at least.

So far it’s been a table of three. Only two have managed to really maintain conversation. Which leaves one to sit back and occasionally check her phone. The action includes sighing quietly, flipping the device over, thumbing through its for a few quick seconds, before flipping it back on the table.

Charlotte has counted the action at least six times. It’s on the seventh attempt that she finally clears her throat, startling Sasha out of her repetitive fiddling. She regards her friend with a soft smile, hoping to ease any discomfort she might’ve caused. 

“Sash, you look like you could use a drink,” she laughs quietly.

“Or twelve...” Sasha mumbles back as she nervously shifts in her chair. “I’m sorry guys, it’s just been a long day and much like I’m sure you are, I’m starving.” 

“I don’t mind waiting, but do we know how much longer Bayley is gonna be?”

“I don’t know. She’s not answering her phone.”

Becky, who has been silently for this particular exchange, had noticed this right off the bat. When Sasha had walked into the restaurant alone she was immediately confused. Had Charlotte not been there, she definitely would have fired off a string of questions. Instead, she opted to keep her mouth shut.

Sasha has just set her phone down to pick up her menu when it buzzes. Thankful to see that it’s a message from Bayley, she frowns when she reads it.

“Excuse me a sec,” she mumbles before putting the phone to her ear as she goes to step outside.

Becky can’t help her eyes that trail after Sasha. Across her face is a look of immense worry and she so badly wants to follow after her to make sure she’s okay. Instead, she stays at the table and when she turns back around when finds Charlotte watching her.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Charlotte shrugs before taking a sip from her water. “I just haven’t seen you guys very much outside of Instagram and rare FaceTimes.”

“Yeah well...being champ must keep you busy. I’m sure The Queen doesn’t have much time for us common folk.”

Charlotte raises an eyebrow in interest. She’s used to Becky’s scathing sarcasm. Hell, it’s the reason they’re so close to begin with, but there was something laced underneath all of that. The funny thing is, she doesn’t exactly feel like it was all directed at her.

“I’ll always make time for my favorite common folk,” Charlotte does her best to imitate Becky’s accent and it leaves her laughing as Becky tosses a chip across the table. When her laughter finally dies down, she turns a bit serious.

“How is Sasha?” 

Becky feels her heart rate pick up just a bit, but she manages to keep her facial expression neutral. “How do ya mean?”

“I mean how is she?”

“Good I guess? Why’re you asking me?”

“Because you two are close. Plus, you and I both know Sasha would sooner lie through her teeth about a bullet wound than to admit she’s not okay. So...that’s why I’m asking you.”

Becky only shrugs, but her shoulders are left just a bit slumped. “She seems fine to me. She and Bayley are always up to something so I don’t really get to see her as often unless we have a match.”

“Yeah. I’ve noticed you guys have been tag teaming a lot. Brings back a lot of NXT memories I’m sure.”

“Yeah...those days...” 

Charlotte’s eyes narrow and she swears for a split second she can see through Becky’s mask. “Oh Becks...”

Becky’s eyes snap up quickly. “What?”

“Nothing. Just wondering how many NXT memories might’ve been brought back.”

“Charlie don’t...”

“I’m not saying anything!” Charlotte shrugs absently before murmuring into her glass. “Neither did you apparently.”

Whether it was supposed to go unheard or not, because is unsure. Either way it was definitely heard and she rolls her eyes so hard it’s painful. She schools her features into her usual look of nonchalance even though she regards Charlotte firmly.

“You sure you’re only drinking water over there? Gotta be something else in that glass if you’re bringing up shit from years ago.”

“I haven’t brought up anything. Is there something to bring up?”

“Well then whatever it is you won’t say; don’t,” Becky rolls her eyes again. “I grew up and grew out of it. I’m not worried about things that don’t matter anymore and you shouldn’t be either.”

Charlotte only shrugs again, but decides to leave the topic alone. It’s in that moment she sort of hates that she’s over in the red brand and she can’t keep an eye on her friends. Something tells her they may need it right now, but she just can’t figure out in what capacity.

It’s in that moment that Sasha is briskly striding back into the restaurant. Her motions are completely stiff and tense.Upon closer examination, one could see her mascara only slightly smudged underneath her eyes and the very faint traces of tear tracks.

“Let’s order,” her voice is curt as she picks up her menu.

Charlotte’s eyebrows furrow. “What about Bayley?”

“She’s not coming. Someone pulled out of a meet and greet and instead of rescheduling it they stuck her in their place. She’s needed by morning so she went ahead and drove.” 

“I mean, we could’ve rescheduled if that was better—”

“She said she didn’t want to ruin our dinner and we should still have a good time,” Sasha sighs quietly and shakes her head. “Can we please just order?”

Becky squares her jaw as she looks down at her own menu. Thankfully, the attention is no longer all on her. She opts to keep her mouth shut because if she doesn’t, well...she’s worried about what she might say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew...I myself am in pain writing this, but I’m kinda enjoying it ahaha guess that says a lot about me :x 
> 
> All well, thanks for hanging with your resident angst lord! Comments always welcome :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter here, but we do get a little bit of background insight :3

For the most part, the drive has been smooth and unproblematic. The only things that have been only slightly problematic are the long lapses of silence between cities. For some reason, what’s supposed to be a six hour drive for some reason has felt like sixteen.

Becky casually has one hand draped over the wheel while absently taping her fingers along with the subtle music on the radio. She risks another glance over to the passenger seat and she can’t help but deflate at the sight. The same sight that hasn’t much changed since they started the drive.

Sasha hasn’t said very much. On occasion she will offer hums of acknowledgement whenever Becky would throw out any comment to start conversation. Other times she’s just been curled up in her seat whilst leaning her head against the window.

Sighing quietly, Becky’s eyes dart down to the dashboard. “Probably gonna need to stop for gas soon.” 

“Kay...” Sasha murmurs back.

She doesn’t look away from the road, but Becky silently reaches across the center console and waits. Only a few moments later, she feels the warmth of fingers lacing themselves with her own. She can’t help it that a genuine smile tugs at the corner of her lips when she ducks down to kiss the back of Sasha’s hand.

Rural grassland eventually fades into some form of societal scenery as they near the first gas station they’ve come across in who knows how long. Well, one that’s deemed acceptable enough to stop at, at least. Anything that has two single pumps that looked like something from the 1970s is something that Becky is definitely going to pass on.

Pulling the SUV up to a pump, Becky is surprised to find Sasha unbuckling her seatbelt before the car even comes to a full stop. 

“I’ll go pay inside. Do you want anything?” 

Becky blinks owlishly as it takes her brain a moment to catch up. That’s probably the longest sentence Sasha has said the entire trip. It was so quick and out of nowhere, she almost thinks she’s imagining it.

“Uh, yeah. Just a water would be great.” 

Nodding, Sasha manages the tiniest of smiles before she’s darting into the attached convenience store. Becky on the other hand pops open the gas tank and puts the pump in. She folds her arms and sighs again as she leans against the truck. 

It’s times like this that she’s alone does she allow her mind to wander off. Occasionally she will spend time arguing with her conscience. Other times, she spends dreaming about the woman that’s had her heart for years. Dreaming of her smile, her laugh, the soft noises she makes when Becky kisses her in just the right spots. 

The sound of hearing her own name fall from Sasha’s lips as if she were snatching away her last breath. 

The first time it happened was absolutely a stereotypical cliche. It wasn’t that she had planned anything like this. It definitely wasn’t something she ever saw happening, especially given who she considered her closest friends. It was just that one thing has definitely led to another and Becky somehow found herself becoming a victim of chance alongside the woman she’s loved for so long. 

Becky can’t exactly remember a time that she had seen Sasha completely devastated like that. It had taken her six months to claw her way into a position to even be considered for a title shot and when she finally got it, it all had to end in a rather controversial and embarrassing loss. The match was a fraud, Becky could see that clear as day as soon as it started and there was very little Sasha could do as it ultimately ended in a disqualification. Couple that with the fact that everything happened in front of Sasha’s hometown crowd, it was understandable she was left crushed.

To make matters worse, Bayley had been absolutely nowhere to be found. Becky had been completely surprised when she nervously found herself knocking on Sasha’s front door asking if she was alright. It had surprised her even more when she was let into the apartment only to find Sasha alone. Sasha had shrugged it off saying she had told Bayley to go celebrate her Money in the Bank win instead of moping around the house with her. Becky had been completely shocked her friend even considered going out while her girlfriend was left alone being consumed by her inner demons.

She had chosen not to comment on the tear stains the were so clearly evident on Sasha’s cheeks. Instead, she had listened quietly on the couch while Sasha tried to explain everything that had gone wrong in her match. A lot of which Becky kept trying to reassure wasn’t her fault. Sasha, being as stubborn as she was, continued to blame herself nonstop. 

It was somewhere halfway through the second bottle of wine that Becky became fully aware of how close they were on the couch. They were both coherent enough to know better and it wasn’t uncommon for Sasha to fall asleep on her shoulder. They’d spent enough of their friendship traveling together for that to be a norm.

This time had been different though. 

Becky hadn’t even realized she had reached out to gently wipe Sasha’s tears away. She definitely hadn’t realized how her fingers began to tingle when Sasha had nuzzled into her palm. 

She especially hadn’t been ready for the kiss that took place soon after. 

The first one had been hesitant and nervous and it had every single right to be. Sasha had been the first to pull away. A hand had come up to tightly grip Becky’s wrist to keep her own hands from shaking. 

“We shouldn’t...” 

“I know...” 

But they had. 

The next one was hot and heavy. Kisses became sloppy and hands became bolder with each passing second. To this day it’s either unknown or forgotten how Becky ended up with Sasha pressed against the arm of the couch. She had just rid Sasha of her shirt, leaving behind a maroon lace bra that nearly sent her head for a spin. 

She was only brought back to earth by nails at her back and tugging on her belt. She had broken the kiss and instead leaned down to place a gentle, chaste kiss to Sasha’s ear. Her breath had been ragged and husky as she pulled away. 

“Sasha I...we...I won’t be able to stop myself.” 

Sasha had pushed on her shoulders firmly enough for her to get the idea. Leaning back just enough to make eye contact, Becky felt herself beginning to shake as hands came up to gently cup her face. She searched Sasha’s eyes and her heart nearly leaped out of her chest when she didn’t see disgust, hatred or betrayal, but almost something of...recognition? 

Sasha’s voice had been a whisper, but it spoke with volumes of confidence that Becky had never once heard before. 

“I don’t want you to stop.” 

From there the rest should’ve been history, but it wasn’t. It shouldn’t have kept going, but it did. If anyone were to ask Becky how it managed to continue for this long, she honest to god doesn’t have an answer. 

Blinking out of her reverie, Becky turns to find Sasha back in the passenger seat. She returns the gas pump and takes the driver’s side once again before noticing the water bottle and Red Vines in the center cup holder. Picking up the candies, she can’t help but smile at the small gesture. When she looks up, she finds Sasha faintly smiling as well.

* * *

Sasha isn’t surprised when she goes through the check in process only to find the hotel suite completely empty. At this point though, she’s so defeated and angry, she can’t exactly say that she’s complaining. She fully enters the room and all but makes a beeline for the fridge. She impatiently unscrews the top on one of those little mini bottles of liquor and throws back a shots worth.

Becky’s eyebrows slowly creep up. After having dropped her bag off at her own room, she had followed Sasha to her suite to make sure she got settled in okay. The room is much bigger than her own and she tires not to think about how it’s meant to be shared between two people. 

“Was she...supposed to be here?” She asks carefully as she watches Sasha nice about to shuffle through her suitcase.

“Her signing was an hour in the opposite direction,” Sasha shakes her head. “She texted me to say she’s about an hour or so out because of a storm she’s driving through.”

Becky chews her lip nervously. She knows she shouldn’t probe for her own good, but she can’t help but be a little curious. “Sasha has she...even called you, yet?”

“She hasn’t...” Sasha mumbles as she continues to unpack her suitcase for something comfortable to change into. “She’s been busy, I guess.”

“Like always,” Becky scoffs and rolls her eyes. Honestly, Bayley is her friend, but she honestly can be that naive and dare she say it, that _stupid_ , to even have a clue as to the effect it might’ve had on her own girlfriend.

Sasha frowns and shakes her head. “Becky, it’s complicated.”

“It’s always been complicated,” Becky moves across the room and settles behind Sasha where she places her hands on her hips. “I’m just...it’s killing me watching you get hurt every time she does something like this. Especially when I’m the one that loves you.”

“Bayley loves me...”

“Yeah? Well she’s got a real hysterical way of showing it most times.”

Sasha tenses involuntarily. She begins to feel anxious, and when she’s anxious she goes in the defensive. “We’ve been together a long time. We’ve all known each other for even longer. You know how she gets. She has a one track mind and she just—”

“Why are you doing that? Defending her? Making excuses for when she forgets about you?” Becky shakes her head in complete disbelief. “Sasha you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I’m not saying I have!” Sasha exclaims as she finally spins around. “I’m just saying that she’s got a lot of responsibility right now. A lot more than either one of us does and the sooner you understand that, the better.”

Becky takes a step back quickly. Her eyes are wide and she has to clench and unclench her fists a few times to fend off the angry brewing just beneath the surface. She’s not angry at Sasha specifically, but damn did she touch a nerve there.

“So what? It’s about the belt then? I can take it from her.”

“Becky...”

“I’ll do it. You know I can.”

“Becks, it’s got nothing to do with that...” 

“She might be my friend, but I’m plenty tired of her getting away with hurting you.”

“She’s not...” Sasha whispers, though it comes out very unconvincingly. Her heart sinks when Becky lets out a huff of frustration. “Please just...calm down a bit?

“I am calm...” Becky grumbles with a shake of her head. “Sash I just...I just want you to be happy and right now you’re not and it’s killing me.”

Sasha’s mouth closes as she isn’t able to form a response right away. Her face comforts and for a moment she drops her head. Overwhelmed with guilt and fear, she turns around to where Becky can’t see her beginning to tear up. She sighs shakily when she feels arms wrap around her waist again. Lips gently press themselves against the side of her neck and it’s the last straw that makes the first tear fall.

“I don’t know how to say anything,” she whispers as the kisses move to her shoulder. “Right now just doesn’t feel like the right time and—“

Before she can finish they both look towards the door at the sound of fumbling and light curses on the other side. They spring away from each other with Sasha taking a seat on the edge of the bed and Becky taking up residence at the desk only a few feet away. Becky pulls out her phone and schools her face into a look of casual boredom just as the door swings open.

Bayley’s grumbling still isn’t coherent even as she enters the room. Her hair is plastered to her face and her hoodie is dripping indicating the weather change outside. Her uncomfortable grimace is replaced by a tired smile when she spots the other two in the room.

“You go swimming? Gotta remember your swimsuit next time, dude.” Becky smirks and quirks an eyebrow in amusement. 

Bayley rolls her eyes in response. “Fuck off,” she laughs and steps out of her shoes. Leaving her bags by the door, she pulls off her hoodie and makes a beeline for the bed. She all but face plants right into Sasha’s lap before letting out a groan of exhaustion.

Sasha hesitantly reaches down and runs her fingers through Bayley’s hair. “How was your signing...” she asks, trying and failing to keep the pain and disappointment out of her voice.

“It was good, but I’m exhausted,” she turns over and blinks up at Sasha. “I’m sorry I had to dart off like that. It really was last minute.” 

“It’s fine. According to online, you made a lot of people happy,” Sasha then shrugs. “Becky kept me company anyway.”

“Honestly I would’ve rather spent time driving with you guys,” Bayley sighs and sits up. “As much as I love the fans you do get a little worn out after a few hours.” 

Becky tries not to scowl as she watches Bayley lean in and kiss Sasha’s cheek. Her teeth clench and thinking back to their prior conversation has her quickly rising to her feet.

“I’m probably gonna go get some sleep,” she stretches and begins to head towards the door. “That was a hell of a drive and my body would probably appreciate not being folded up for a few more hours.”

She pauses and briefly catches Sasha’s eye. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

Sasha grins bashfully at the the subtle smile, but she’s soon startled when Bayley is quickly scrambling from the bed. Her eyes narrow in confusion as she watches her follow Becky to the door.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?”

Becky swallows only semi nervously and still manages to keep her cool as she and Bayley step out into the hallway. She tilts her head when Bayley’s tired expression seems to return full force as she groans.

“You gotta tell me,” Bayley groans again. “How mad is she?”

Becky quickly raises her eyebrows and her mouth falls open just a fraction before she recovers. “I dunno...you know how she gets when she’s mad. She gets-”

“Quiet. She gets real quiet.”

“She’s been plenty quiet...”

Bayley takes a deep breath and runs a hand over her face. “Fuck me...” she sighs again. “Look just...thanks for being there. She trusts you and I’m glad you’re always around to watch over her.” 

Becky’s jaw ticks, but the action was very subtle and easy to miss. With each passing second, she feels herself becoming more and more bothered and it’s a mental struggle to figure out why. Aside from the obvious reasons, that is.

It unsettles her how much she wants to throttle Bayley. Throttle her and scream that Sasha isn’t a child that needs to be watched. She’s a woman that deserves to be loved and taken care of and if she can’t be bothered to step up to the plate and do that the right way, then she just needs to fuck right off.

But she doesn’t. Becky only smiles as genuinely as she can possibly muster despite the obvious resentment bubbling underneath the surface. She knows she needs to step away before she does something outlandish.

“Well, right now she needs you,” Becky smiles and accents the brief hug Bayley gives her.

As they part ways, she turns her back and makes her way down the hall towards the elevator. She’s thankful it’s empty as she heads up to her own floor. Catching her hazy reflection in the metal, she can’t help but scowl at the acidic taste her own words left on her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm more explain but I’m sure there are more questions. Where will we go from where. We shall see 
> 
> Flashbacks will be in the form of actual flashbacks and then subtle ones like the ones here 
> 
> Leave your thoughts! :3


	5. Chapter 5

**_*Flashback*_ **

Being new like this, you can’t exactly do things that make you look like a complete idiot. It’s written in the unspoken rule book of being a newbie. Show up, do you best, try not to make a complete ass of yourself.

Well, whoever wrote that rule book clearly didn’t consider the existence of one Rebecca Lynch in this world. Or maybe they did, and she was left to the side to be the unfortunate outlier. Either way, she never fails to prove herself right, especially in situations like this.

It’s only been a couple of weeks that she’s been in Florida permanently and already she misses Ireland. She missed it as soon as she got off the damn plane and she was met with gross disgusting air that made her want to melt into the asphalt. But she was here on a mission. She has the opportunity of a lifetime and she is determined to not let the humidity ruin that for her. No matter how much it sucks.

For the most part, she’s still finding her feet and being shown around, so she hasn’t gotten the chance to get in the ring with an actual opponent yet. Mostly though, she’s been practicing her drills and making sure she’s in top shape for the time that will inevitably come.

She’s met a few people here and there, but for some reason since she arrived, there’s been one person she hasn’t been able to keep her eyes off of. Someone she hasn’t exactly had a chance to talk to yet either. Well, that’s mostly on her part. Every time the other woman is anywhere close by, Becky will make it a mission of her own to dart out of the way.

Not only has Becky seen her around, but she’s seen the work she puts in on a nightly basis in the ring. It’s something that Becky has known even before she’s made her way to the States. Anyone who’s anyone would know. Otherwise, they are a fool.

Well, maybe that’s not true. Becky knows and she still considers herself a fool.

She hadn’t even realized she was daydreaming until she feels something ice cold on her legs. A hiss escapes her lips, she’s flushing when she realizes she was holding her water bottle upside down and somehow managed to squirt the contents directly into her lap.

If that wasn’t bad enough, light laughing reaches her ears and when she looks up she wishes she were dead on the spot. A few feet away stands the object of her more recent imaginations. What Becky has always found most intriguing about her is the way her red hair always seems to glisten, even in the gym fluorescents. Or maybe it’s sweat. It could be. Seeing as she’s in workout gear and all. Wait. How long has she been staring?

“Did you hear me?”

Becky blinks dumbly. “I...what?”

More laughing.

“You’re new here right?” She steps closer and in that moment Becky realizes she can’t run anywhere.

“I uh...”

“I’m Sasha.”

More dumb blinking. Becky’s mind is screaming at her to say something. Anything. Not just sit there like a dumb kid and stare at the hand that’s being offered to her.

“Banks...”

_‘No, Stupid!’_

Becky’s eyes widen. “I mean you’re Banks...Sasha...” she sighs heavily and eventually drops her head. “...I’m Becky.” 

Sasha grins and giggles once again at the way Becky has seemingly turned the same shade as her hair. “I know who you are. I’ve seen some of your tapes. You’re pretty good.”

Becky doesn’t know why, but Sasha’s smile eases her into relaxation. “You too,” she pauses and laughs embarrassingly. “Sorry if I’m a bit out of sorts. All of this is just so new to me.”

Becky feels like her entire world is in slow motion as Sasha laughs again. She has to mentally remind herself not to get caught staring again. The last thing she needs is to be labeled the local freak because she can’t figure out how to form a proper sentence.

“It’s all pretty surreal to begin with. You learn how to adapt to it though. You’ll find your fit.”

“Thanks.”

Sasha’s genuine grin turns into a small smirk as she moves just a tiny bit closer. “But it’ll do you good to learn how to drink from a water bottle,” she laughs quietly before turning Becky’s bottle right side up. “The right way.”

Becky is blushing so much she feels like it’s a thousand degrees. She forces a nervous smile to her face and tries not to let her eyes roam elsewhere as Sasha walks away. Oh yeah. She’s definitely doomed.

* * *

**_*Present*_ **

“She’s done it! My god, she’s done it!” 

“Becky Lynch! Is going to Wrestlemania!” 

Even from backstage in the dressing room, Sasha can practically feel the roar of the audience through the floor. It damn near threatens to bring down the whole arena. She’s not surprised though. The match itself has been electric and then the outcome was just...so fucking worth it.

Then there was Becky. 

Sasha’s gaze doesn’t leave the monitor as Becky is on her knees in the ring looking like she had just gone to war; and she might as well have. She’s sweating, shaking, her hair is a mess, and upon looking closer, Sasha can tell that there are tears flowing down her cheeks. 

Her tiny smile widens as she watches Becky manage to pull herself up on wobbly legs. For a moment, she almost looks like she has completely forgotten where she is with the way she’s gripping her hair at the roots and gazing around the arena. Almost like she can’t believe it’s for her. It’s all for her.

_‘It’s all for you, baby...’_ Sasha thinks to herself. She’s just barely able to contain a small giggle as Becky’s entire arm shakes as she points to the Wrestlemania sign. 

“She did pretty good.” 

Sasha is pulled from her own thoughts and she remembers where she is. From where she sits in Bayley’s lap, she’s thankful Bayley can’t see her face head on. For a brief moment, her expression twitches, but it somehow doesn’t change. 

“She did more than pretty good,” Sasha mumbles blinking as the broadcast of the Rumble transitions to advertisements. “She came in at nine and won the whole thing. No one’s done that before.” 

“Yeah, that’s pretty cool,” Bayley agreed as her hand gently rubs up and down Sasha’s thigh. She leans in and nuzzles her girlfriend’s neck before inhaling softly. “Can’t help but think it should’ve been you though.” 

Sasha only shrugs. She had started off the match at the unfortunate number one spot. It was an unlucky draw and she did what she could, but her body couldn’t take much more about an hour into the match. Having Becky by her side for a little bit had softened blows, but even she couldn’t fend off the opponents and the exhaustion. She was unfortunately ill spotted on the apron, when a well placed super kick had sent her to the floor. Sasha was so dazed and exhausted, she hadn’t even figured out if it was Tamina or Carmella that got the drop on her. 

“I’m glad it’s Becky.” Is all Sasha says, shuddering as Bayley begins to seductively nibble at her earlobe. 

There’s a sharp intake of air on her part as those same lips begin to move down her neck. One of Bayley’s hands comes up to cup one of her breasts before giving a firm squeeze. The moan pulled from Sasha’s throat is involuntary. The action only seems to encourage Bayley who rises slightly from the couch before she’s soon hovering over Sasha. 

Sasha is slightly surprised when Bayley dives back in towards her neck. A gasp escapes her again when a jean clad thigh presses itself into her shorts just between her legs. Her eyes roll back when Bayley presses into her. It isn’t until she reaches up to tangle a hand in Bayley’s hair, does she realize something’s wrong. 

Silky dark hair slips through her finger tips with each stroke. Almost with so much ease she wouldn’t be able to get a good hold on it unless she puts in a little extra effort. It may be something so mundane, but to Sasha it’s everything...and everything is wrong. 

“Bay we...we gotta stop.” 

“You sure? ‘Cause it’s been a while and...” Bayley playfully nips at the skin just beyond Sasha’s chin and once again brings a hand up to give her breasts another squeeze. She smirks when she’s rewarded a much louder gasp than the first. “It doesn’t sound like you want me to stop.” 

Sasha has to mentally fight against her own body’s responses. Reaching down, she grabs Bayley’s wandering hand and stills it by interlacing their fingers. Bayley’s subsequent pout brings a sad smile to her face and she covers it by bringing their joined hands to her lips. 

“We’re still at work, Bay.”

“Right. So...you wanna find a closet?” 

Sasha knows it’s a joke, but still she rolls her eyes. She eventually shifts where she is sitting up straighter. She tries to pull her hand away, but Bayley keeps her hold. In fact, she reaches down to grab her other hand. 

“Sash, what’s going on?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Bayley huffs and thinks for a moment before she’s shrugging her shoulders. “I mean it feels like I don’t get to touch you anymore.” 

Sasha quirks an eyebrow. “We share a bed most nights. You touch me plenty then.” 

“That...that’s not what I mean.” 

“You mean sex...” 

Bayley shrugs again, this time dragging a hand through her hair in a small bout of frustration. “It’s been a while, Sash...” 

Sasha feels her face flush. “It hasn’t been that long...” she mumbles quietly before she’s folding her arms and looking away. 

“Oh? When’s the last time then?” 

“Bay, I don’t know.” 

“So how would you know it hasn’t been that long? If you don’t remember when the last time was!?” 

“Why are you yelling...” 

“I’m not yelling!” Bayley catches her own voice echo around the empty room, and she sighs heavily. “I’m not yelling I’m just...I’m frustrated. It’s like you kinda don’t trust me to satisfy you or something.” 

Sasha nervously chews the inside of her lip and shrugs. It’s a topic she tries to avoid when she’s with her girlfriend. The intimacy just doesn’t feel the same; if she can even call it intimacy. 

“Its not that I just...” she trails off trying to find the right words. “I just haven’t been in the mood lately.” 

“Well what can get you in the mood?” 

“I—” 

Noise in the hallways grabs both of their attentions. Sasha takes this as the opportunity to slip out of the awkward conversation and immediately she’s heading over towards the door. She pokes her head outside and she can’t help but laugh at the source of the noise. 

The New Day, lead by Xavier and his trombone, are conducting a makeshift parade of some sort. Kofi and Big E both have a sheepish looking Becky on their shoulders while they continue to bounce down the hallway to the cadence of a trombone and a chant Sasha can’t hear over the laughter and cheers of those backstage. 

Becky catches her eye and she gives Kofi’s shoulder a couple pats before he lets her down. Sasha is granted her favorite lopsided smile as Becky crosses the hallway to where she’s leaning against the doorway. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey yourself.”

Sasha wants to congratulate her. She wants to pull her close and hold her and tell her just how much she deserves this. Hell, she wants to show her how much she deserves this. Before she can say anything even relatively close, she’s reminded of where she is when the door behind her creaks open a little wider. 

“Becky!”

Becky’s eyes snap to Bayley and she’s forced to smile. A grunt escapes her when she’s immediately pulled into a bone crushing hug that she’s barely able to get her arms up to return. “Bay...ack...Bayley...” 

“Dude, that was fucking awesome!” 

Behind them Sasha frowns a little bit. Amazing how ‘fucking awesome’ was only ‘pretty good’ just a few minutes ago. 

“You did good, Becks...” Sasha says softly,. Her smile falters only a fraction when she’s eventually pulled back to Bayley’s side. 

“Thanks I—” Becky shakes her head in awe and wonderment. “I’m still feeling like this is all a dream, ya know? Like someone is gonna knock me in the head to wake me up or something.” 

“You looked great out there. Gonna look even better giving Charlotte hell, I’m sure.” 

Becky blinks slowly, looking as if it’s taking her mind several seconds to catch up. In those few seconds, she’s actually studying the way Bayley laughs off the joke and she sees the immense arrogance laced behind it. If arrogance and ignorance could manifest itself into a human being, Becky’s sure she’s looking at her right now. 

“Yeah...” she mumbles shaking off the joke and forcing herself to laugh. “Maybe I am...”

* * *

Sasha continuously glances over her shoulder. Even though the halls are completely entry, she still has the impending feeling that she’s being watched. Her nerves have left her jittery as she continues her journey.

Pausing in front of a door, she raps a quick cadence against it. Looking up and down the hell, she continues to knock repeatedly. She’s left shifting from foot to foot as seconds begin to feel like hours. Eventually, there’s movement in the other side and Sasha feels her heart leap into her throat when the door finally swings open.

Becky’s eyes are barely open and she looks ready to give the person on the other side of her door a piece of her mind. She frowns and rubs some of the sleep away when she finds Sasha on the other side looking incredibly nervous. Almost immediately, she sobers up.

“Sash? What happened? Christ, what time is it?”

“It’s just past three...” Sasha mumbles, briefly looking down at the floor. “Nothing’s wrong, I-I just...”

“Sasha, what’s wrong?”

“I need you.”

Becky barely has time to react as she’s nearly knocked over, stumbling back into her room. Sasha’s mouth is hot on her own and fingers immediately come up tangle in her hair. She’s just barely able to get the door shut when Sasha hops to wraps both legs around her waist. Keeping a hand beneath her behind to stable her, Becky blindly moves them back towards her bed.

Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, they finally part when the need for air becomes to great for the both of them. Sasha recovers first and immediately moves her mouth to the side of Becky’s neck where she begins to leave behind a series of love bites.

“S-Sasha...” Becky’s voice trails off into a groan as hands begin to explore the edge of her tank top.

Sasha pulls away, and even in the darkness she can make out how dilated Becky’s eyes have gone. Swallowing thickly, she reaches a shaky hand up and cups her face.

“Please...”

Becky nods and leans up to connect their lips in a kiss that’s much slower. She reaches down and takes hold of Sasha’s hands, taking them gently in her own as she tries to ease away the shaking. Her brow furrows only briefly when she swears she tastes a faint saltiness on her lips.

It’s quick, much quicker than she would’ve liked it to be when she finds herself propped against the headboard of her bed. Becky’s right hand soothingly combs her fingers through long strands of blue while Sasha’s head is resting on her bare chest. Judging by her breathing, she knows that Sasha isn’t sleeping.

“Sash...I’m right here whenever you’re ready, okay? I’m always gonna be right here.”

Sasha nods her head and tightens the arm she has thrown over Becky’s waist. For the most part, she’s glad she’s stopped crying, but she can’t help the tension that creeps into her shoulders.

_‘I’m always gonna be right here’_

_‘But I don’t deserve it,’_ is what she wants to say, but she doesn’t. Instead, she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to turn off the voices in her head screaming at her that she’s a coward.

A coward who has no idea what she wants. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. A seed of what’s to come. We’ll just have to see now won’t we.
> 
> Leave your thoughts !


	6. Chapter 6

“Where’d you go?” 

Sasha pauses from where she’s just finished blow drying her hair out. The question comes from the bathroom doorway and out of the corner of her eye, she finds her girlfriend leaning against the frame watching her closely. 

“Where’d I go when?”

“This morning.” 

Sasha falters only a fraction as she resume taking the brush through her hair. She doesn’t respond immediately as she hadn’t even realized Bayley had noticed she was gone. Bayley is typically a pretty heavy sleeper and she was out cold when Sasha left and the exact same position when she came back a couple hours later. 

“I couldn’t sleep. So I went for a walk.” Sasha shrugs casually. 

Bayley raises an eyebrow curiously. “You went for a walk at 3 am?” She asks carefully.

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Yeah, but that’s dangerous. You should’ve said something, I would’ve gone with you.” 

Setting down her brush, Sasha eventually settles on pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She eventually turns around and leans against the counter before regarding Bayley with a gentle smile.

“You were out pretty heavy. I didn’t wanna wake you.” 

Bayley unfolds her arms and moves further into the bathroom. She leaves her arms on either side of the counter and presses in closer to where Sasha has no choice but to look at her. She says nothing as she quietly searches her girlfriend’s eyes.

“What is it, baby?” 

“I swear I’m fine.” 

Bayley sighs quietly and shakes her head. “Sash, I can tell when something’s up. I just want you to know that it’s okay to talk about it with me. I don’t want you bottling up whatever it is.” 

Sasha chews her lip and her eyes fall downcast. “Nothing big I just...I miss you, I guess,” she pauses and shrugs. “I mean I get it, you’ve got a lot of responsibilities. Sometimes I just wish you were around more.” 

“Babe, you know I do what I can...” Bayley sighs quietly as she leans in to nuzzle Sasha’s cheek.

Sasha is thankful her back is to the mirror because there’s no way the frown on her face goes unnoticed. She almost tenses at the response. 

_“You know I do what I can”_

Not an apology. Hell, not even an explanation. It’s almost as if the whole thing was just some throw away response that she is just expected to understand. 

_“I do what I can”_

_‘No...You barely even try’_

Lips pressed softly against her own draws her attention from the one sided argument she was having with herself. She’s relieved when it wasn’t go much further than a few gentle pecks to her lips before Bayley is moving away. Sasha feels guilty for her own relief. 

“Look, I’ve got a appearance I gotta make with Char tomorrow, but after that we’ll have a little bit of time before Smackdown. How about I take you out, hm? We get all dressed up and we have ourselves a nice date night. What do you think?” 

Sasha doesn’t know what to say. It’s been longer than she can even remember since Bayley has actually gone out and planned something, much less a date. She searches Bayley’s eyes and she’s surprised to find hopeful expectation looking back at her. 

“I’d like that...” she whispers quietly, this time unsurprised when she’s pulled into another slow kiss.

* * *

**_*Flashback*_ **

Becky has to remind herself that vomiting before you even get a word out isn’t even in the realm of attractive. That’s been her mantra the whole the she’s spent pacing alone in the hall. 

_‘Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up’_

Is what she’s been repeating in her mind over and over again. She thinks she’s setting her own expectations pretty high if the unpleasantly whirling in her stomach is anything to go by. 

“You’ve got this. Just...just be honest with her.” 

The ‘her’ Becky is referring to just so happens to be her tag partner of a little over a year now. The same woman she embarrassed herself in front of when they first met and the same woman she hasn’t been able to get out of her mind ever since. 

They fell in together naturally and they both found that they each brought something to the table to make their little partnership a success. Becky just can’t help, but hate herself that she lets things go a little further on her end. 

Shaking out her hands, she takes a much needed deep breath. “‘Hey Banksy’...no no no, she hates when I call her that...even though her face scrunches up so cute when I do...”

Another sigh. 

“Okay maybe...’Hey Sash, was wonderin’ if you wanted to grab dinner sometime?’...no...it’s simple but then I’ll have to sit through a whole dinner and I still haven’t told her...”

A pause. 

“‘Sasha, I love you...’”

That last one causes her insides to clench and even though she’s alone, she finds herself wincing in response. “Definitely not that one...” 

Resolving that she just needs to wing it and play it by ear lest she talks herself out of it, Becky heads off towards the locker room. The whole time, she spends muttering to herself and wringing her hands. The closer she gets, the harder it becomes to breathe and for a split second, she almost turns around and abandons the idea altogether. 

“Just be honest with her...” she repeats to herself. 

She pauses just outside the locker room. She takes one last deep breath, before slipping inside. Immediately though, her heart sinks down to her shoes. 

Not far across the room, Sasha has her back pressed against the wall while both of her hands are tangled in Bayley’s hair. The kiss is intense enough to where Becky knows for sure they didn’t even hear the door open and it’s left her blushing something furious that she has to look away. 

Just as quietly as she came in, Becky slips back into the hallway. She walks a good distance away before she finds herself slumping against a wall. Slowly, she slides down to the floor and drops her head into her hands.

It’s a couple of things. One, she had no idea that was a thing. Sure she knew they were best friends even long before she showed up and got to know Sasha, but Sasha hadn’t even mentioned that it was in the cusp of something more...and she and Sasha have shared a lot with each other. Two, is the most obvious. She had hyped herself up to this moment for so long only for it all to come falling right back into her lap, but that’s her luck, right? Fall in love with the girl and just when you think you’ve grown a pair to tell her, you find out something like this. 

Yeah, that just about sums it up. It’s her own fault for waiting so long anyway. She doesn’t really have a reason to be down about it.

But damn if it still doesn’t sting just a bit.

* * *

**_*Present*_ **

Becky finds that she has to try extra hard to keep her face schooled into a look of neutrality as she watches the couple approach her. As they get closer, she takes note of how Bayley appears to be one handedly typing away on her phone while the other is laced with Sasha’s. Becky’s eyes briefly dart down to their joined hands and when she looks up, she finds Sasha watching her, almost apologetically. 

Becky looks away. 

Coming off of the Rumble, they had agreed to stick around for the following night’s Raw. Well, it was Sasha’s idea mostly and she had begged her to come along. No matter how much she wanted to come up with an excuse, she had found herself having a hard time saying no. Much like anything when it comes to Sasha really. 

She does kind of miss seeing Charlotte anyway, so if anything she’ll find a reason to link up with her. Anything to get away from having to see the one thing that’s spent years breaking her heart. 

“You’ve got our seats, right?” Becky directs her question to Sasha in lieu of greeting. 

Sasha is taken aback by the clipped tone in Becky’s voice. She can’t exactly say she doesn’t deserve it what with the events of the early morning. She had after all showed up at Becky’s room at dark thirty and stayed for a couple of hours before she was leaving again. It definitely wasn’t fair on her part and she still needed to find a proper way to make up for it. 

“Yeah, I’ve got them...” 

Meanwhile, while she has been looking at her phone, even Bayley doesn’t miss the tension radiating off her friend. “You good, Becks?” She asks, carefully raising an eyebrow. 

Becky feels her jaw clench, and somehow by sheer grace alone, she’s able to force a genuine smile. “I’m good. Still feeling a little beat up from yesterday.” 

Sasha’s eyebrows furrows and upon searching Becky’s eyes that are boring directly into her, she knows that Becky isn’t talking about the Rumble. Shaking her head, she gives Bayley’s hand a tug and clears her throat. 

“Let’s...find our seats.” 

Becky rolls her eyes and trails behind the two as they make their way through the arena. Thankfully, it’s early enough to where they find their section with ease and without being bothered. The last thing Becky would want is dealing with a bull rush of fans who don’t have the wherewithal to know when she doesn’t want to be bothered. 

Maybe she’s being a little unfair, but she can’t help it. She’s still smarting a little over their impromptu night cap. She had ended up nodding off a bit not long after they had finished, and when she woke up, the sun was just barely coming up and her bed was empty. Not that she expected Sasha to stay for the remainder of the night, but she at least figured she was worth waking. 

“Becky, you coming?” 

Becky blinks and looks up to find Bayley watching her curiously and she realizes she’s just standing aimlessly at the end of the row. 

“Sorry,” she shrugs as she moves in to join them. 

If she weren’t already bothered before, she’s bothered now by the fact that even though she’s leaning the way into the row, Bayley makes it a point to plant herself right in the middle chair of their three reserved spots. Becky clenches her jaw again while Sasha blinks tiredly.

“Bay, seriously?” Sasha sighs. “You’re gonna make me climb over?” 

Bayley shrugs innocently. “I like having you on my right,” her slips then pull into a smile before patting her lap. “You can sit here if you want? Best seat in the house.” 

Sasha rolls here eyes and gives Bayley a swat to the shoulder as she’s climbing over to get to her seat. Sitting down, she leans forward just a bit to try to catch Becky’s eye. Her heart sinks a little when she spots the other woman hardly even moving. She’s just sitting there with a dead stare directly forward. 

Becky has to clench her fists to keep from shaking and using them. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Bayley throw an arm over the back of Sasha’s chair and she grunts quietly to herself. 

“I think I’m gonna go get a hot dog,” she mumbles, quickly rising to her feet. What surprises her is when Bayley is right behind her. 

“I’ll come with you. I want a drink anyway. Sash, you want anything?” 

“Actually I-”

“Great, we’ll be back.” 

Becky sighs quietly to herself as Bayley catches up with her on the way to concessions. What surprises her though, is the fact that they never make it. There’s a strong grip on her jacket and she’s skin hauled off towards a hallway near the restrooms. 

“If you wanted to talk you could’ve just asked,” Becky mumbles, straightening out her jacket. 

Bayley shrugs. “Sorry. Didn’t wanna ask with Sasha around,” she shrugs again before watching Becky closely. Eventually, she folds her arms and leans against the wall. “We’re friends right?” 

_‘Guess you could say we were at one point.’_

She doesn’t say that though. Instead, Becky frowns in confusion and manages to not. “Yeah man, we’ve been friends a while. All of us have.” 

Bayley hums and her eyes don’t leave Becky’s face. “You and Sasha are close.” It’s not a question, but a statement.

Becky shrugs. “Yeah. I mean, she’s one of the first people I started talking to back when this all started. So I guess you could say we are.”

“And she talks to you, right?”

“She does. I...look, Bayley...what is this about?”

Bayley continues to search Becky and eventually her gaze drops into one of exhaustion. “I dunno man...I just feel like something’s wrong and every time I bring it up she says everything’s fine. I know she talks to you and I guess I’m just really here wondering if she’s said anything about being unhappy.”

_‘She doesn’t need to say anything, you dipshit. The fuckin’ blind could see she’s unhappy with you.’_

Becky hums and pretends to think. “She hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

Lie.

Sasha’s told her everything and then some. How she feels like an accessory to relationship. How she has to practically beg for Bayley’s attention on most occasions. Becky’s heard it all. Hell, she doesn’t need to hear it. She can see it for herself.

Bayley sighs tiredly and drags a hand through her hair. “I love her so much, dude...”

_‘No you don’t.’_

“I’m just trying to figure out how to fix it when I don’t even know what’s wrong and she won’t tell me.”

Becky shakes her head. “If I could help I would.”

_‘I wouldn’t.’_

“Maybe she’s just working through something in her head,” Becky offers with a shrug. “You know how Sash gets when she starts thinking.” 

At this, Bayley chuckles. “Don’t I know it...” she shakes her head before turning serious. “If she comes to you, you’ll tell me...right?” 

Becky’s eyebrows knit together. “I don’t know...I mean, if she tells me something in confidence I’m going to keep my word.” 

“But if it’s something that could help me fix whatever this is?” 

“Then...yeah, I can try to offer my advice.” 

It’s a lie, it’s a damn lie and Becky knows it. At this point, she’ll say anything that will get her out of this conversation. She’s two seconds from blowing a gasket and a public arena surrounding their job is definitely not the place to do it. 

“Now...I really do wanna get my hotdog,” she forces a laugh, trying not to flinch as Bayley gives her shoulder a squeeze. 

As they’re leaving towards the confession stand there’s only one thought going through her mind.

She really needs to have a talk with Sasha.

* * *

“So...should I expect you to be knocking on my doorstep in the next few weeks?”

Becky huffs quietly and only continues to stare absently into her beer. She hasn’t much touched it since she’s ordered it and the condensation has made a small puddle on the table. Looking up, she finds Charlotte watching her patiently from across the booth.

“You don’t gotta worry about that...” Becky mumbles, dropping her eyes back down.

Charlotte raises an eyebrow in interest. “Oh? What, suddenly I’m not good enough?” She laughs, trying to bring humor into the mood.

Becky pinches the bridge of her nose. “It’s not that I just...” she sighs quietly. “I’m not gonna leave, Smackdown.”

“Oh.” Charlotte blinks owlishly as if she’s slowly but surely solving the world’s most complicated puzzle in her mind. “Because of Sasha.”

Becky groans and squeezes her eyes shut. “Charlotte, I really don’t wanna...”

“Hey, it’s just us here. You can tell me whatever you want to tell me and it won’t leave this table. Or you don’t have to tell me at all. We can just sit here and drink. Either way, I’m right here.”

Becky hesitates for a good moment, contemplating toeing the line of danger. Eventually, she settles on the truth...but maybe not all of it.

“I’m still in love with her.” She admits quietly.

“I figured as much...but I didn’t wanna say, in case I was wrong,” Charlotte responds before she groans quietly. “Oh Becks...”

“I know, okay! I know...but I can’t help it. It just...never went away.”

“Have you told her?”

“Are you insane!?” Becky exclaims, finally making full eye contact for the first time that evening. “Why, so I can ruin our friendship?”

Charlotte shrugs. “No more than challenging her girlfriend for the belt might. You and Sasha are close. I’m sure she’ll understand and it might even help you feel better.”

“There’s no sense in telling her now. It’ll go away, Charlie.”

“Yeah, but it hasn’t so far. Look...I’m not gonna tell you what to do, because you’re grown but just...be careful? Please? I don’t want to see all my friends get hurt.”

Becky snorts and takes a swig from her beer for the first time. Shaking her head she shrugs it off and manages to put a fake but hopefully believable smile on her face.

“I can handle it, Charlie...”

Maybe she’s convinced Charlotte for now, but she sure as hell hasn’t convinced herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah humphmurphhmf...even though I’m not stoked about this chapter I’m pretty sure I still hear hearts breaking in the distance T_T I’m lookin forward to the next one haha
> 
> Leave your thoughts!


	7. Chapter 7

_** *Flashback*  ** _

Sasha stretches out her limbs, the present tightness in a few of her muscles reminding her of the events just a few hours before. The sun hasn’t much come up at this point and no matter how hard she tries, she finds herself unable to slip back into the dreamworld. 

A quiet yawn escapes her as she subconsciously snuggles back into the warm embrace that’s currently holding her tight. With her eyes still closed, she sighs and closes her eyes as she makes one last ditch effort to try and fall back asleep. This only proves futile as there’s soon small bouts of movement behind her. 

“Did I wake you?” A small smile is on her face as she asks. 

“Mmm kinda.” 

With a tiny smile, Sasha shifts before she’s turning over facing her best friend. She giggles quietly before reaching a hand up to gently trace over closed eyes. “M’sorry.” 

She feels Bayley’s lashes flutter against her fingers as her eyes finally open. Her smile widens as Bayley reaches up and catches catches her hand before bringing it to her lips where she takes her time to gently kiss each one of Sasha’s fingers. 

“You don’t gotta be sorry if I get to wake up like this.” 

Even in the darkness, Bayley’s grin is blinding and Sasha can’t help that her heart flutters just a little. “You’re so damn cheesy.” 

“Yeah, but you love it,” Bayley chuckles. She reaches out and lays a hand on Sasha’s cheek before she’s stroking softly while her eyes search Sasha’s own in curiosity. “How are you feeling?” 

The question is far more loaded than she would like it to be, and Sasha immediately feels the tension that slips into her shoulder. Out of habit, she looks away and ducks her head a little to try and hide her emotions. Unfortunately, Bayley’s hand resting on her cheek keeps her from hiding completely. 

“I feel better. It’s just...it’s tough I guess,” she shakes her head. 

“This about the date?” 

“Can it really be considered a date if they never show up?” Sasha laughs mirthlessly before sighing quietly. “I guess I’m just over wasting my time on this if it’s never gonna amount to anything.”

Bayley frowns and she watches as her best friend tries to retreat into herself. “Hey, look at me,” she’s relieved when Sasha’s eyes eventually raise to meet her own. “You’re awesome, okay? There’s so much about you that’s just so special and anyone would be lucky to have you. Don’t get yourself down because a handful of idiots don’t know what they’re missing out on.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“No. I’m saying it because I mean it.” 

Sasha suddenly feels cold as Bayley shuffles up to prop against the headboard. It’s these soft moments where even when she’s been disappointed to ends, her best friend has always been there to make sure she stays together. Even in times like these where Sasha finds herself needing to feel something, Bayley is right there to make sure she’s held together. Even if that has somewhat changed the overall nature of their friendship. 

“That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.” 

Bayley’s voice rings her out of her own thoughts and when Sasha looks up, she’s surprised to find the other woman looking just shy of nervous. Her eyebrows contort in worry as she sits up as well. She’s laying on her side and she reaches out to take one of Bayley’s hands to stop her from fidgeting. 

“Bay, what’s up?” 

Bayley shrugs before she sighs and turns to where they’re fully facing each other again. “I dunno, we’ve just been doing this awhile and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Maybe, if you’re up to it, we could try something that’s a little different?” 

Sasha’s frown deepens at the vagueness of the question. They’re already as close as they could possibly be having known each other for so long and then some. That’s not even counting the countless times they’ve spent the night together in ways that definitely come off as a little more than friendly.

“Different...how?” Sasha’s inquiry careful as she patiently examines Bayley for a response.

“Different I mean...maybe we could try this as an ‘us all the time’ thing and not just an ‘us right now’ thing. If you’d be open to it, obviously. I guess I just wanna show you you’re worth it and you don’t have to try for me. I already know how I feel about you.” 

That same flutter from before returns and Sasha now finds herself searching Bayley’s face for any sign of a joke. Any sign that this as all just a big gag that’s bound to be taken back at any second. Except it’s not, Bayley is looking at her with all the seriousness in the world and for once Sasha doesn’t feel the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“I think...” she pauses and licks her lips. “I think that I would definitely be open to trying.”

Bayley beams and gathers Sasha in her arms in what can be closely described as a literal bone crushing hug. “I want to give you all of that. Dates, movie nights, all of it. You deserve it, Sash.”

Sasha can feel herself blushing and instead of responding, she leans in and captures Bayley’s lips in her own. The kiss is gentle but passionate all at the same time and hands eventually begin to roam and tangle in hair all the same. Sasha is the first to pull away as she rests her forehead against Bayley’s.

“I want this,” she whispers before laughing breathlessly while twirling a dark strand of Bayley’s hair around her finger. “I want this with you.”

It is in that moment that Sasha has never felt more safe and at home.

* * *

**_*Present*_ **

She has absolutely no fucking clue how long she’s been staring at the menu. The words are just a melting pot of letters that aren’t even filtering into her brain to form something that makes sense. On top of that, she’s not even relatively hungry. 

It’s been awkward and that’s kind of an understatement. Awkward is just what’s suitable enough outside of dreadful, but Sasha supposes that because nothing has exactly happened to warrant such an extreme label. Still though, this is pretty damn awful.

Across the table, she can feel Bayley’s eyes occasionally on her even as she pretends to be messing around with something on her phone. Just the action alone is enough to make Sasha subtly roll her eyes. It’s not unfamiliar territory for Bayley to be so completely absorbed in whatever she’s doing that she can’t even be assed to look up for five damn seconds.

“If you’re still not ready to order, I’ll probably order an appetizer or something. Getting kinda hungry over here.”

Ah, praise be. It talks.

Sasha’s eyes flit up from her menu and thank god she wasn’t expecting anything because Bayley still isn’t looking at her. Her own eyes roll again. “Sorry, I’m just having a hard time deciding. I don’t know if I want to go with the grilled shrimp or the pasta.”

“You could just get the shrimp pasta and pick it out if you don’t like it...”

“I...I guess I could do that.”

Sasha closes her menu and watches as Bayley somehow manages to quickly flag down a waiter. The restaurant isn’t exactly busy, that she would expect it to be on a weeknight. That’s one good thing that’ll come out of this at least. At least there’s some sense of privacy.

Once their orders have been placed, Sasha realizes she can no longer hide behind her menu. For a second, she reaches for her own phone and checks it. Her heart sinks just a little as she finds no new notifications in her messages. Not that she can say she’s surprised.

She had sent Becky an apology a whole day ago. For reasons unknown to Sasha, Bayley had opted to drag her off to the champions appearance she was doing with Charlotte. It had completely put a damper on Sasha’s plan to apologize properly as she had originally thought she would have a whole day to herself. From there, she hasn’t been able to really leave Bayley’s side and that left her no choice but to send a text.

A text that was left on read.

As much as it stings, Sasha knows she deserves it as she had been completely unfair. Actually, she’s been completely unfair for quite some time and it worries her that she’s some how managed to fuck things up royally.

“—Sasha?”

“What?”

Bayley quirks an eyebrow at the tone of the response. She sits back in her chair as if mentally processing something. She closes her eyes for a few moments before she shakes her head and takes a sip from her water.

“Nothing.”

“Bayley what is this?” “Sasha what’s going on?

They both freeze having been caught talking over each other. Bayley recovers first and sits back in her chair with a long suffering sigh.

“Look, stuff’s going on, but what that stuff is I don’t know.” She shrugs her shoulders defeatedly. “How am I supposed to fix it if you won’t even give me any idea of where to start?”

Sasha squeezes her eyes shut and gently rubs her temples. “Because it’s not something that I can just point out! You’ve gotta do some examining too Bayley. I told you the other day that I feel like you’re gone a lot. Your answer was this date where all we’ve done is sit here.”

“Yeah because you took so long to order.” 

“How would you know you were on your phone the whole time!”

Bayley huffs loudly in irritation, but instead of firing back she does the opposite. She leans across the table and gently grabs Sasha’s hand in her own.

“Sweetheart I don’t want to fight. I just want things to go back to the way they were.” Bayley pauses and shakes her head. “You know I love you, right?”

Sasha chews her lip and nods. It’s so familiar. The way Bayley is looking at her is that same look that used to make her heart skip several beats. For a moment, she even begins feeling small tingles of that same spark.

“Yes, I know...” she murmurs back.

“And you love me, right?”

“I...of course.”

“Great. So long as we still have that neither of us need to be worried. We’ll both just need to—Becky...?”

Wait. Huh?

Sasha frowns immediately and her eyes snap up to find Bayley no longer looking at her, but instead her gaze is morphed into one of confusion as it lingers on something just over her shoulder.When she turns around in the booth, her mouth falls open at what she finds.

“Becky?” Her voice echos Bayley’s prior confusion.

Sure enough, one Becky Lynch is rather unstably teetering her way towards their table. Sasha feels her face flush immediately as she gets closer and in that moment she just wishes that a hole would open up and swallow her right on the spot. It’s what she deserves.

“Guys! What’s going on!?”

Bayley and Sasha share a look at the loud exclamation.

“Ah, not much. Just having dinner...” Bayley responds as she awkwardly eyes the other woman.

Becky’s eyes seem to widen at this. “Ooh nice, dinner! I could eat.”

Sasha’s mouth falls open for a second time as Becky plops down in the booth next to her. Immediately, her nose wrinkles. “Oh my god, you’re drunk...”

“Drunk? Pffsh. M’Irish. I don’t get drunk,” Becky rolls her eyes as she uncoordinatedly reaches across for Sasha’s menu. “What’re you guys havin’?”

Across the table, Bayley’s gaze has gone cold. “Dude, how long have you been here? You smell like the whole fucking bar.”

“Probably drank the whole fuckin’ bar too,” Becky chuckles. She pipes up when the waiter sets down a plate of mozzarella sticks and she’s immediately snapping her fingers at him. “Hey you. Can you gimme a beer?”

“What kind of beer ma’am?”

“I dun fuckin’ know, just gimme a beer!”

Sasha groans quietly as even in her inebriated state, Becky’s tension is radiating off of her in waves, and Sasha can feel every single bit of it.

“Becks, maybe we should help you get home.”

“Nah I’m good! Just down to hang out wit my two best friends!” Becky reaches across the table and grabs a handful of the mozzarella sticks Bayley had ordered. She promptly stuffs her face and stills against the booth as she’s chewing thoughtfully. “Holy shi’thas good!”

While she’s slightly concerned, Bayley can’t help the small amount of irritation that flits across her features. “Becky...as cool as it is to see you, and trust me it’s always cool to see you, but Sasha and I are sort of...”

Becky, who has gone so still and quiet that they both wonder if she’s fallen asleep, suddenly pops her eyes open. “You an’ Sasha what? Hey, you already order? ‘Cause if anything they got is as good as these cheese things then Imma have what you’re having!”

Becky’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning when a freshly poured glass of beer is sat in front of her. She’s too far gone to realize that Bayley shoos away the waiter who almost asks for her order. She doesn’t care. She has beer and that’s all that fucking matters.

Sasha winces as she watches Becky down half the glass in one go. Oh how she wishes she could just drop dead for two seconds. “Becky maybe...”

Becky shrugs off the hand on her shoulder. She wipes the back of her mouth with her hand and levels Sasha with an unfocused stare. “Maybe wha’ Sasha? You can’t tell me whadda do! You * **hic** * you’re not my mum!”

“Hey! Dude don’t talk to her like—“

“No one is trying to tell you what to do,” Sasha quickly cuts Bayley off before this can turn into a thing that’ll land all of them kicked out of the restaurant and on the title page of a dirt sheet. Judging by the way some of the staff is milling about whispering to one another, Sasha feels like Becky is coming pretty damn close. 

“You’re drunk,” Sasha hisses through clenched teeth, forcing a smile to her face as she and what appears to be the manager accidentally make eye contact. “You can barely even sit up straight!” 

“M’fine!” Becky’s head rolls to the side as she tries to shake it. “See look, Imma prove it to ya!” 

There’s commingled protests from Sasha and Bayley as Becky makes attempts to slide out of the booth. Somehow, she manages to make it to her feet and for a while all seems well as she takes a successful first step. The second is the nail in the coffin as her feet seem to have some sort of disconnect from her brain. 

“Ahhh shit.” 

“Becky!”

Her name is the last thing she hears as her world does a series of gross spins and she’s soon plummeting towards the floor. In her drunken state, she lands with a thud, successfully out cold.

* * *

It’s been a few days since what Sasha considers to be the absolute worst date she’s ever been on. She wonders about the sick twist of irony that has her labeling ‘the worst date she’s ever had’ as being one with her girlfriend, but here she is. A few days later and she’s still smarting over it, for good reason of course.

One thing she’s definitely noticed is how Bayley has reacted to the whole thing, which is not at all. Sasha feels like it could be one of two things. Either Bayley is doing a really good job at deflecting and concealing her own formulated thoughts on what happened, or she truly is over it. Sasha supposes it could be either or, but even as she tried to ask, Bayley simply shrugged it off nonchalantly.

The night ended with their combined effort to get a barely conscious Becky back to her hotel. Sasha has done most of the mitigating while Bayley had done most of the heavy lifting. Literally. There was one point in the night where Bayley had gotten tired of Becky trying to walk on her own and she eventually just opted or the fireman’s carry. 

The whole thing left Sasha feeling incredibly anxious and a little more than peeved. Becky’s radio silence following the incident did absolutely nothing for her nerves. That’s how she rationalizes her anxiousness as she breezes through backstage trying to find Becky. 

Sasha eventually finds her in a very unlikely spot. It’s in one of the more darker areas of the arena, far from all the hustle and bustle that comes with a weekly show. She gets it though. It’s quiet and leaves plenty of room for thinking which is exactly what Becky appears to be doing as she’s seated on a supply box. Squaring her shoulders, Sasha balls her fists as she makes her way over with the intent to interrupt. 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve.” 

Becky, who is munching on a fruit medley, lifts her eyebrows at the intrusion. Immediately, they fall back into a frown as she puts her fork and plate down. After studying Sasha for a long time, she eventually crosses her arms.

“Me? Seems like you’re the one with a lot of nerve to come at me like this.” 

Sasha scoffs. “After what you did, it’s warranted.” 

Becky groans and squeezes her eyes shut. “I don’t wanna fight with you,” she mumbles, hopping down from the box. As she goes to move past, she’s stopped by a solid grip on her arm and she’s reminded of how strong Sasha really is. “Sash, c’mon.” 

“No.” Sasha’s voice is firm as she drags her back. Her gaze is harsh as she examines Becky, but eventually it softens. “Becks, what happened the other night?” 

Becky shrugs out of the hold and steels herself as she looks away. “I don’t know...” she mumbles. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“I mean I don’t know because I don’t remember! All I remember is not seeing you, then I’m getting drunk at this restaurant because all I got was a text and then I’m looking over and I’m seeing you with _her_.” 

Becky releases a heavy sigh and when she looks at Sasha her eyes are sad. “Sasha, what is this? Us? You and me? What is it?” 

Sasha is completely taken off guard by the question. She’s doing her best rendition of a fish free from water with the way her mouth continues to open and close. “I...” 

“You can’t even answer me,” Becky shakes her head before chuckling dryly. “We’ve been doing this for over a year, Sasha and I just...god it just fucking kills me that I can’t take care of you the way I want. The way you should be taken care of.” 

“Becky, you have my heart. You know that.” 

“But I don’t? I don’t feel like I do! I only get to see you in stolen moments like this or when Bayley has some shit going on or god forbid a 3 AM rendezvous in my bed.” 

Sasha feels her heart sink after each blow. “I’m sorry. When I came to your room that night I should’ve told you why I was there and it wasn’t fair of me to just duck out like that...I’m sorry.” 

Sasha’s hand finds its way into Becky’s hair where she lightly scratches her scalp. “You mean...so much to me,” she whispers quietly. She does a quick sweep out of the corner of her eye before she’s moving closer into Becky’s space. 

“Sasha, do you love me?” 

It’s the same question she was asked some short nights ago. If she didn’t know any better, she would say that she’s under the same set of circumstances. Well, they may night be exactly the same, but they’re pretty damn close. What surprises Sasha the most, is her own answer. 

“I do.” 

Her answer is so quick it’s almost as if it’s automatic and it lacks the hesitation that had her in a vice grip when she was previously asked the exact same question. The difference in own reaction though, is enough to send her heart into minor panic. 

Becky brings her hands down and rests them in Sasha’s waist. It’s amazing to her how even completely ‘bossed up’ and ready for a match like right now, Sasha still somehow manages to look incredibly small. 

“Then why? Why not just tell her? Sasha, you gotta help me over here. I’m tired of seeing you treated like that. Why?” 

There’s too many voices in Sasha’s head and they all sound too dangerously close to her own.

_‘It’s what I’ve always known’_

_‘It’s consistent’_

_‘It’s safe’_

_‘I owe it to her’_

That last one hits Sasha the hardest, because it’s the one that rings the most true for her. But she can’t say that. Not to Becky.

“I...I don’t know how,” she mumbles and it isn’t a lie. “I want to, god please believe me I really want to I just...I need to figure out how.” 

“I just want what’s best for you and...right now it’s clear as day that’s not her,” Becky shakes her head. “And I don’t care about her temper tantrum from the other night. She can get over it.” 

Sasha’s smile is sad, but her tension is at least somewhat alleviated when Becky’s lips are softly pressed against her own. It’s warm and chaste and makes her chest spark with warmth, but even here in Becky’s arms there’s still an unfamiliar aura that scares her. The aura surrounding her own mental shortcomings and uncertainties. 

Pulling away, from the kiss, she nuzzles into the palm Becky has cupping her face. “I have a match...” 

“I know...” Becky whispers back. 

She places a gentle kiss to Sasha’s forehead before she’s taking her shades from the top of her head. She examines them for a moment before she’s carefully placing them on Sasha’s face and she smiles. 

“There we go. I was beginning to wonder what time it was.” 

Sasha groans. “Don’t say it...” 

Becky laughs because even from behind her sunglasses, she knows that Sasha is rolling her eyes. “I won’t,” she chuckles before leaning in to steal another quick kiss. “Go get em.” 

She gives Sasha’s hand a squeeze and she finds herself unable to take her eyes off of her as she watches her disappear down the hall. A quiet sigh escapes her and she sends up a silent prayer as she has finally made up her mind.

* * *

The bell ringing is practically music to Sasha’s ears and that’s not even counting the fact that the sound is followed up by her own music.

She releases the tight hold she had on Carmella prior to the tap out. Sasha would definitely be impressed by how long she lasted in the Bank Statement if it weren’t for the utter irritation stemming from a subtle but familiar throbbing just underneath her jaw.

Oh yeah, this was definitely payback for the Rumble.

Sasha wastes no time slipping out of the ring after she’s announced as winner. She’s got no particular desire to stay out in front of everyone if she doesn’t have to. She’s definitely not in the mood to be hyper analyzed for the night.

She pretty much wrestled the entire match peeved off. Annoyed at herself and her own in decisiveness. Annoyed at Bayley who, even though she has the night off, opted to stay in the back and watch Sasha’s match from there instead of accompanying her to the ring. Annoyed at Becky for being there and making way too much goddamn sense.

Wait...Becky?

Sasha is so caught up in her own mind that it takes her a little longer then necessary to process the sound of Becky’s music hitting to a massive crowd reaction. Her eyebrows furrow in slight confusion as Becky appears on the stage just as Sasha has left her backstage, plain clothes, leather jacket and all.

Sasha is still slightly favoring the side of her face as Becky appears to soak up the crowd’s energy before she’s making her way down the ramp. They make brief eye contact at the halfway point, but Becky doesn’t stop to say anything as she continues on into the ring.

Stepping between the ropes, Becky still looks determined and on a mission. She heads over to the opposite corner and gestures to ringside where she’s quickly handed a mic. For a moment, she says nothing. Just stands with a hand on her hip while staring into the canvas as if contemplating. Looking out of the corner of her eye, she spots Sasha still lingering up by the very top of the ramp. Becky then takes a deep breath before bringing the mic up.

“The big question on everyone’s mind. ‘What’s Becky Lynch gonna do? Where’s Becky Lynch gonna go? When’s Becky Lynch gonna decide?’” She pauses and laughs. “The big question on Becky Lynch’s mind has been ‘what’s Becky Lynch gonna eat for lunch today?’ But I guess we all have our different priorities.” 

“But since winning the Royal Rumble I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I had to. It hasn’t been quiet thinking either. No no no, it’s been loud and repetitive, but simple. What am I gonna do? I mean, no matter what there’s gonna be a challenge, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned over time, it’s the kind of challenge that matters and from that...the rewards and outcomes can be completely different.”

A tiny smirk tugs at the corner of Becky’s lips. “Charlotte Flair. The Queen!” She says it with such grandiose and dare she say it, flair, that she has too pause and chuckle to herself at the ooo’s and ah’s she’s rewarded in response. She’s soon shaking her head. “Nah Queenie, you can relax. Keep sitting tight on that grand ole throne of yours ‘cause I’m not coming to Raw. Here on Smackdown...it’s always been like home for me and I’ve decided I want that title to come home.”

Becky’s entire expression hardens and her grip on the mic tightens. She can still see Sasha’s figure lingering up on the stage and she involuntarily finds her jaw clenching.

“Bayley, it’s going to be me and you at Wrestlemania for your Smackdown Women’s Championship.”

She pauses and grips the ropes tightly while making sure she’s staring dead at the camera.

“And I’m not taking no for an answer.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worked on this one for a little bit, wanted to get it done before my eyes fell out which they kinda are now T_T 
> 
> Leave your thoughts!


	8. Chapter 8

**_*Flashback*_ **

The rain outside actually serves as an agent to calm her nerves. Just over her pounding heart and her own near breathless pants, she can hear the droplets rapping a distinct pattern against her windows. On occasions, the dark room will illuminate soon followed by the faint rumble of thunder in the distance.

Sasha’s toes curl and her back arches for one final time as a low pitched moan is ripped from the base of her throat. Her legs are now trembling and her hands shaking as the tight knit hold she’s previously had on her sheets is finally loosened. Her eyes have rolled back to her head while her body continues to spiral downward.

Her skin tingles while lips lazily move up the insides of her thighs and over her stomach before pausing to pay attention to her breasts. They linger idle for a few moments drawing a few more gasps from her lips before continuing their journey up her chin and neck until finally landing on her lips.

She’s unable to suppress the moan that escapes her as she can taste herself in the kiss. Even as she’s come down for her high just a little bit, she feels her body rushed with warmth once again as a tongue is slipped deeply into her mouth. It isn’t until the kiss is broken that she finally feels like she’s able to breathe. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasha nods at the whispered inquiry as her hands have finally stilled enough to come up and grasp Becky’s arms that are on either side of her. She begins her own silent exploration as her fingers trail over sweat slicked biceps to her shoulders before retracing her steps all the way down until her hands are settled at Becky’s sides.

She has no idea what time it is, but she can only guess it’s that awkward late night-early morning limbo judging back how the sky is painted almost black, especially due to the storm. On one hand she feels like she could just use a nap as she’s unable to fend off a yawn, but on the other she doesn’t exactly want to fall asleep just yet, because that would mean that the night is ending. 

Sasha can only guess that it’s been hours and the buzz from the wine has long since worn off. As she lay there staring into oblivion, everything begins to play out like a hazy movie. Suddenly, it’s almost as if someone hits pause when the images freeze frame in the very first kiss. The kiss that _she_ initiated. 

“Hey...”

Becky’s voice grabs her attention again and her eyes refocus on the woman hovering on top of her. Even through the darkness of her bedroom she can see Becky’s crystal clear gaze watching her with worry. Except there’s something else there as well. Something that Sasha can’t quite place and can’t quite understand. 

“I’m okay,” Sasha repeats, reaching a hand up to gently cup Becky’s face.

“I think I should go...” Becky mumbles, even though the phrase comes out as less than convincing. 

“You don’t have to!” Sasha is startled by her sudden exclamation and she’s thankful it’s dark and she can’t be seen blushing. “I looked and she’s not...not tonight anyway...I just...please stay?” 

Becky nods and leans down to peck Sasha’s lips gently before she’s rolling onto her side. As she closes her eyes to relax and maybe settle off to sleep, she’s surprised when there’s shuffling and movements against her. When she opens her eyes she finds that Sasha has rolled over and found comfort resting on her shoulder. Becky wraps an arm around her before her eyes are once again slipping closed.

* * *

The next day finds Sasha straightening her kitchen and tidying up her living room sometime in the early afternoon. It’s when she’s in the living room cleaning up the empty wine bottle and glasses does everything finally hit her full force from the night before.

Her cheeks warm as she can’t help but think of how good she was made to feel last night. It’s been much too long since she can even begin to remember what that’s felt like. The way Becky had paid attention to her needs and wants well into the early morning nearly has her melting on the spot.

That feeling is soon replaced by a guilt that slowly but surely wraps its way around her stomach like a snake does it’s victim. Guilt from the hasty decision she’s made the night before that she can’t even begin to blame on the wine. Guilt for actually feeling something in a circumstances in which she knows damn well she shouldn’t have.

When she had checked her phone this morning, she wasn’t exactly sure how she was meant to feel when she saw she didn’t have any messages from her girlfriend. The last thing on their thread was the ‘k’ she had sent in response to Bayley telling her she didn’t know how late she’d planned to be out and she didn’t want to bother Sasha, so she would probably just end up crashing back at her hotel. She was disappointed, but also at the same time...relieved?

Movement out of the corner of her eye draws her attention. She turns in time to find Becky slowly inching her way out of the hall. She’s awkwardly dragging a hand through her damp hair and she looks as if she‘s recently seen a ghost until her eyes land on Sasha and she’s freezes.

“Oh you’re um...here...” Becky mumbles.

Sasha raises an eyebrow. “Yeah...it is my apartment?”

Becky closes her eyes and nods as she realizes how dumb that sounded. “Right, I just meant...I thought you were gone I guess. I don’t know...” she takes a shaky deep breath. “You didn’t have to wash my clothes.”

Sasha shrugs. “I was up early. I just threw them in with a few of my things.”

“Oh...well I uh...hope you don’t mind that I used your bathroom for a quick shower.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Good.”

Silence falls between them where they’re left trying and failing not to make eye contact. Almost as if they’re on the same page but different paragraphs. If the circumstances were different, Sasha would almost laugh at the absurdity’s likeness to an awkward romcom scene.

“Can we talk about—” “Last night was—”

The overlapping voices startle one another and they’re both left laughing awkwardly.

“You first,” Sasha says gesturing with her hands.

Becky mulls her words over in her head for a moment before steeling herself to speak. “I wanted to talk about it, if that’s okay? Because I had some things I wanted to say,” she pauses and takes another deep breath Sasha nods for her to continue. “First, I want to start off by apologizing. You were upset and not in a good place last night and a part of me can’t help but feel like I took advantage of that, even accidentally.”

Sasha frowns and immediately begins shaking her head. “You didn’t take advantage of me. I was well aware of what was happening.”

“Still though, you were upset. I also...disrespected your relationship and I wasn’t in any place to do that. I...I don’t have an excuse nor does any excuse suffice really. I just...Sasha I care about you, a lot and seeing you like that last night was just well...I-I couldn’t say no. I should’ve, god I know that I should have...”

“Last night was a mistake, but it was a mistake that I don’t regret.” Sasha states, picking up where she had preciously left off. “Last night when you made me...” she has to pause and blush as the words play out in her mind. “It’s been a while since I’ve actually...”

Becky is confused as she hyper analyzes Sasha’s face as she tries to search for her words. She’s not used to seeing the other woman fumble so much and for some reason, Becky suddenly gets it as her eyes widen and her mouth drops open.

“Oh...”

Sasha is thankful that she doesn’t have to say. “It wasn’t just because of that though. It was because I felt...something. I’m not sure what that something is and...it’s dangerous to try and figure it out.”

Becky nods and even though she has no right to be disappointed by the implications of Sasha’s words, she can’t help that she is. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us,” her own voice gets caught in her throat for a split second as she has to suppress her own feelings. “You’re like...my best friend and I don’t want that to change.”

“It won’t change...” Sasha whispers back with a small smile. “I promise...”

“Good...” Becky releases a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “I think I should probably head out. I don’t want to take up any more of your space, but I...are you gonna be okay here?”

“I’ll be fine...Bayley will probably show up sometime in the next couple of hours anyway...” Sasha wishes she could take the words back as soon as they leave her mouth.

Becky shoulders slump but she quickly recovers. She shifts from foot to foot for a moment before awkwardly shuffling towards the front door where Sasha follows her. When she opens it, she’s just about to open her mouth to say goodbye when she’s pulled into a hesitant but familiar hug.

Sasha inhales and falls victim to the unique smell of their commingled scents as she rests her chin on Becky’s shoulder. “Thank you...” ‘ _for listening? For being there? For showing you care about me?’_ Sasha is unsure which exactly it is. 

“Let me know if you need anything okay?” Becky’s eyes are furrowed as she meansevery word. 

Sasha nods with a promise to call to check in later. She doesn’t go back inside right away as she watches Becky leave. Instead, she’s left leaning against her doorway worrying her bottom lip while far too voice scream in her head. They all sound deceptively similar to her own and that’s what’s worrisome.

* * *

**_*Present*_ **

Sasha is a bit surprised that she’s somehow managed to feel cold even with Bayley still on top of her. She can just barely hear her own thoughts over the sounds of Bayley’s breathing and sloppy kisses being placed to her neck and chest. Each kiss that’s left behind, Sasha can feel herself tensing up by the second. 

“Fuck, Sash...” is the first thing out of Bayley’s mouth when she finally rolls over onto her back. She laughs tiredly before throwing a sweaty arm over her eyes. “Damn.”

Sasha is gripping the blankets so tight it’s a wonder she hasn’t torn them. Her eyes are wide as she continues to stare absently at the ceiling.

“You holding out on me that long almost made it worth the wait.”

Sasha frowns. _‘Almost?’_

“You’re my sweet girl, you know that? You taste even sweeter.”

Sasha has to fend off a flinch as a hand brushes the side of her cheek. _‘It’s not the same when you touch me.’_

She’s put up with a lot, but never before has it been like this. This? This is enough to make her feel like a sunken shell of herself. Almost as if she’s sitting and watching this pitiful version of herself from across the room.

Bayley props herself up on an elbow and watches Sasha closely. “What’s going on in that head right now, huh?”

“Nothing.” Sasha return is flat as she doesn’t look away from the ceiling.

“Nothing? Can’t be just nothing after all that.”

Sasha’s eyes close. _‘God, I wish you would stop talking.’_

Bayley eventually gets bored of the silence and rolls out of bed. She’s slipping into comfortable clothes before dragging a hand to tame her messy hair. “Sash, come on. We just had a good time, don’t do this now.”

“I’m not doing anything I’m just...I’m thinking. Got a lot to think about.”

“Care to share?”

“I...” Sasha sighs to try and calm her internal spazzing. “A lot has happened recently.”

Bayley laughs. “Yeah it has. I agree with you there,” now in a t-shirt and sweatpants, she lays back down on top of the blankets. “Kinda sucks that I’m gonna have to ruin Becky’s Rumble win.”

Sasha blinks. “What?”

“I dunno, I mean...is she serious? She’s beaten Charlotte enough times so I don’t get why she didn’t just take it there. I mean, she’s my friend yeah but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna kick her ass.”

Sasha shakes her head but doesn’t speak. _‘Please stop talking...’_

“Did she talk to you about it? Wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t to be honest. Seems kinda backstabber-ish if you asked me. She could’ve at least let me know before going out there and making some big speech about it.”

_‘Don’t do this!’_

“Who does she think she is anyway? Calling me out like that?”

_‘Stop!’_

“Some way to treat a friend.”

“Well she sure as hell treats people a lot better than you do!”

The sudden exclamation sends the room into silence. Sasha’s eyes are left wide as she’s internally panicking while wondering who the hell gave her mouth permission to speak on its own. She doesn’t even try to turn as she can feel Bayley’s gaze on her.

“Whoa, what?” Bayley is the first to recover. “What does that mean?”

Sasha takes a deep breath and counts to ten before she’s all but scrambling out of her. She nearly trips over her own feet while she moves to her suitcase to find something, anything to wear. She’s left muttering to herself as she nearly shoved her head through a t-shirt backwards.

“Sasha, what does that mean?” Bayley repeats as she stands up from the bed.

After slipping into a pair of leggings Sasha huffs and whirls around. “It means that she treats people better than you do. She doesn’t just blow people off or spend hours talking about herself or put her needs above anyone else’s. She actually cares about me!”

Bayley frowns. “You? Sasha what are you...of course I care about it you! I’ve done nothing but care about you! How dare you—”

“No! How dare _you_!? For over a year you’ve been on this holier than thou tirade and I’ve just been left off to the side! I’ve been your valet! Your sidekick! Your fucking _accessory_!”

“Sasha c’mon, you know that’s not how this is.”

“It’s not!? The entire time you’ve had that belt it’s been far closer to you than I ever have. You don’t give a shit about me! Our first time in a long time and what’s the first thing you say to me after? ‘Damn girl’?”

Bayley rolls her eyes. “You pick every single thing I say apart! And I’m sorry that being the best that I can damn well be has you thinking you’re unimportant, but I have responsibilities Sasha! I can’t help that!”

Sasha shakes her head and spins back around her she begins stuffing items into her suitcase. “I’m not doing this with you.”

“Where are you going.”

“I’m going to stay with Becky.”

“Why does this have to circle back to Becky!?”

“You brought her up in the first place! Lording about how dare she step up and challenge you! Well I’m glad she did.”

Bayley barks out a bitter laugh and puts her hands on her hips. “So what, you’re gonna run to your best friend and cry about something I said instead of staying here with me, your _girlfriend_ , and talking it out like adults? Mature Sasha, real fucking mature. Maybe the both of you can bask in your immaturity together then, since you both like to be so damn dramatic.”

Sasha feels her face heat up and she suddenly so angry she’s almost made herself dizzy. “Do not even go there. She’s got four times the maturity that you do and that’s only one of many things.”

“Oh yeah?” Bayley laughs bitterly. “Name one, just _one_ fucking thing Lynch has that I don’t.”

“She has me!”

This silence is far more weighted than the first. The room is so quiet that a pin could be heard falling on the carpet. The two remain staring at each other from across the room, neither moving as if movement would cause some form of catastrophic series of events that can’t be undone.

“What...” Bayley shakes her head and her arms fall limply at her sides. “What does that mean?” She’s asked this for the third time now.

Sasha’s jaw trembles and she drops her hardened gaze down to the floor, unable to meet Bayley’s eyes. “It means she has me...” she repeats quietly. “I’ve been...we’ve been seeing each other...“

Bayley’s eyes widen and she blinks slowly. “You’re lying...”

“Bay, I’m not...”

“You are. You’re pissed at me and you’ll say anything right now. You wouldn’t...you wouldn’t do that. You haven’t been.”

“Bayley...”

This time it’s Bayley’s gaze who falls to the floor. Her mouth opens and closes several times as she tries and fails to form a formidable sentence. When she eventually looks back up, her eyes are narrowed. “How long?” When there’s no answer he voice raises. “How fucking long, Sasha!?”

Sasha jumps before she folds her arms and shrugs. “It’s been a little over a year...”

“You’ve been cheating on me for over a year...” Bayley isn’t sure if it’s a question or a statement on her part.

Sasha wants to apologize but she can’t bring herself to do so. She can’t spend anymore time apologizing when she hasn’t done anything. Especially not for something she isn’t entirely sorry for.

“It wasn’t intentional it just...it just happened.”

“Because things like that just fucking happen,” Bayley snorts bitterly. “I can’t fucking believe you’d do this...after all this time. After everything.”

Sasha doesn’t have much more to say as she grabs her suitcase and heads for the door. “I need to go...” is all she musters as she opens the door.

“We aren’t done with this, Sasha...”

Sasha pauses and glances over her shoulder. The coldness in Bayley’s voice accompanied with the woman’s cold stare into the floor leaves a chill at the base of her neck. She opens her mouth to response but eventually just settles on shaking her head as she leaves and let’s the door close with finality behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big. Yikes. Anticipated chapter here I’m sure. Bayley? Yeah Bayley fucking sucks I’m sure we saw this coming hahaha 
> 
> Leave your thoughts!


	9. Chapter 9

Becky is alone happily munching away on a basket of fries while she scrolls through her phone. She’s felt rather elevated since she’s made her announcement go for the Smackdown title. Looking at it, the decision was almost a no brainer but she absolutely had some apprehensions about it. The more she thought about it, the more she knew she wanted to fight for reasons to stay on her home brand, and those reasons extend beyond just the championship.

Her lips tug downward just a moment when she opens her messages only to see that she doesn’t have anything from Sasha. A soft sigh escapes her when she realizes that she hasn’t much spoken to the other woman since she took to the ring and announced what she was going to do with her Rumble win. In fairness, she didn’t exactly tell Sasha straight up that she was planning to challenge Bayley for the title, but Becky had hoped that was kind of a given. Especially given their conversation that had taken place only moments before Sasha’s match that day. 

It was the first time that Becky had asked if Sasha loved her. It wasn’t the first time the word had been spoken as she had spent the past year making sure the other woman knew how much she loved her. Becky had gone out of her way to tell Sasha numerous times just how much she meant to her and she was content with knowing she at least had the opportunity to show her as well.

_‘I do.’_

No two words have made Becky’s heart flutter more than those exact ones at that exact moment. It was the first time that she actually felt like Sasha not only heard her, but she had seen her as well. That brief fleeting moment backstage had meant all the world to her, more than Sasha could and probably would ever know or understand. 

Biting her lip, she checks her messages only to be once again slightly disappointed to see that she doesn’t have anything. She has sent Sasha a message a little while ago asking if she were available to come hang out for just a bit. They had talked on the phone earlier in the day, but she’s been in such a giddy mood, she figured if she could, she’d like to spend just a few hours out on the town while she still had the time.

Becky’s head is still angled down towards her phone while she blindly reaches for her fries again. Just out of the top corners of her eyes she sees someone slip into the booth across from her. Her heart leaps for just a moment, but when she looks up it sinks and nearly stops on sight. Her hands is left hovering idly by the fry basket.

Bayley sits across from her looking straight back with almost a neutral expression. Her eyes briefly dart down to Becky’s frozen movements before their eyes meet again and she’s quirking an eyebrow. “Mind if I join you?”

“Uh,” Becky’s eyes drop to her phone and for a brief moment she’s wondering how quick she could fire off a message to Sasha saying never mind, she’s left the restaurant already and if she has time she’s willing to meet up later. She resigns for now as she sets her phone on the table and offers a shrug. “Sure.”

With ease, Bayley waves down a passing waiter and orders a drink. Satisfied, she folds her hands into her lap and continues to look at Becky with a gaze that almost appears to be looking straight through her. Almost like she’s trying to figure out a word problem without asking any questions about the details. Becky only continues to stare back, matching her look for look. The waiter quickly returns and sets a glass down in front of Bayley and it’s then that her lip curls up in the corner.

“So we’ve got a match coming up,” she says out of nowhere, slowly bringing the glass to her lips.

Becky’s eyebrows raise at the statement. This is honestly the first time they’ve much spoken since she made her announcement and honestly, she isn’t sure if she’s surprised or not. “It seems that we do.”

Bayley hums into her beer before setting the glass back on the table. “Why is that?”

“What?”

“We’ve just established we’ve got a match. So...why do we have a match?”

Becky isn’t sure how the question is supposed to be answered and she damn well don’t exactly sure what Bayley is currently playing at. Whatever it is is leaving her just the slightest bit unnerved, though she refuses to let that show. Instead, she keeps her face neutral and offers another shrug.

“I’ve gotten in the ring with Charlie plenty. You and me? We’ve never really had a real go at it,” another shrug. “Figured it could be fun to change it up a bit.”

“Change is good, I guess you could say that,” Bayley takes another sip of her beer. 

Becky frowns. “Look, I’m not pissed at you or anything like that.”

“You sure?”

“I-Bayley what? What’s going on? You show up here out of nowhere and you’re acting all weird. If I’ve done something, I can’t exactly do much about it if you don’t tell me.”

Bayley just barely managed to spend off a tight smirk as her eyes fall to the amber liquid in her glass. A curt chuckle just barely slips past her lips. “I was just in for the night to enjoy a drink or two when I saw you over here, but you’re right. I’m sorry,” her eyes dart up to meet Becky’s though she doesn’t lift her head. 

This time Becky does shift a bit uncomfortably due to her own quiet attempts at keeping her emotions in check. She would love more than anything than to handle business by launching herself across the table and taking the other woman by the throat, putting an end to this round robin circle of hell, but she knows she can’t. Not yet at least.

“Like I said,” she begins, her voice fast and calculated. “I can’t help it you don’t tell me.”

For a brief moment she swears she sees a crack in Bayley’s mask, but it flits by so quick she wasn’t able to get a good grasp on what it might’ve been. The idea a unsettled knot just in the base of Becky’s stomach.

Bayley sighs openly and reclines in the booth. “Just a lot going on with me and Sasha, ya know?” She sighs again and shakes her head. “That girl can be a bit of a handful sometimes.”

Becky’s jaw ticks ever so slightly. “I’m sure that’s true go any relationship really. Once you get close like you two and all...”

“When’s your last relationship been? We’ve known each other a long time and I don’t really think I’ve ever seen you date.”

“Oh I...I don’t date much...” Becky shrugs almost defeatedly. “It’s not really my thing you know? Especially with what we do. Finding somebody is almost a little bit out of the question.”

Bayley barks out a laugh. “Ah, tell me about it. That’s why I thought I was lucky to have Sasha right? I mean we’ve been together for so long, best friends for even longer and when we fell in love only made sense. Nobody’s gets me the way she does. Just like nobody gets her the way I do.”

Becky’s hand twitches underneath the table. “Right...” she moves to keep talking, but Bayley is soon interrupting her. 

“But lately? Man, she’s just been...a lot. I know she’s close with you and I know if something was seriously wrong you would’ve said something. But man...I just don’t know about her anymore.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” The question is out of her mouth before Becky can even stop herself.

This time, it’s Bayley who shrugs. “I mean she’s different, dude. For so long she’s been right there at my side, being supportive while looking as beautiful as ever. She’s real good at that, ya know. And for so long I could see it. I’ve seen myself picking out just the perfect ring for her and making her my wife. Her having my kids. I’ve seen it all dude. Now...” she pauses and laughs almost bitterly and shakes her head. “Now it all seems different. Almost like I’m not worth it anymore...or maybe she’s not worth it.”

Becky’s hands now curl into fists as she does everything she can to fight against displaying a physical reaction. Something is definitely going on and she doesn’t exactly know what. She just manages to barely keep her hand steady as she reaches for her phone to open her messages.

“You expecting somebody?” Bayley asks, having caught the movements.

“Just checking the time,” Becky mumbles as she fires off a quick message to Sasha. She puts the phone down and is surprised when she looks to find Bayley damn near leaning across the table.

“We’re friends, right Becks?”

“I...yeah.” Even Becky isn’t sure how convincing that might’ve come off.

“Even though we’ve got the shit at Mania? We’re friends?”

“Yeah Bayls...”

Bayley clicks her tongue and chuckles lowly as she shakes her head and looks away. She appears to be deep in thought for a moment before she smiles a smile that doesn’t exactly reach her eyes. “I’ve always liked your for your honesty, Becks. Your take no bullshit attitude is admirable to say the least. But...I can’t help but think maybe it’s gotten you in a bit of trouble.”

Becky sighs exhaustedly. “Bayley, if you’ve got problems with Sasha, I’m sorry about that, but I really don’t know anything.”

“Nah see that’s funny, because...I really think you do,” Bayley chuckles again, but this time it’s almost dark. As she slides from the booth, she angles herself away from the table as if she’s leaving. Instead, she remains idle, just barely turned to where Becky can see the small smirk that’s laced with just a hint of brokenness. When Bayley speaks again, it almost sounds foreign on Becky’s ears.

“I’ll see you on Friday, Becks. But just...” she reaches into her jacket pocket and retrieves something before she’s carelessly tossing it across the table. “Give that to Sasha when you see her...because I know you will.”

Becky just barely manages to get her hands up to catch the object that nearly bounced straight off the table and right to the floor. She catches it in her lap and it only takes her a few seconds to realizes she’s staring straight at Sasha’s phone. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens, but when she looks up for an explanation, she finds that Bayley is gone.

* * *

**_*Flashback*_ **

The snow has done a damn good job of fucking up her evening, but she can’t exactly complain about the circumstances she’s been left with. Their flight had not only been delayed three different times before being cancelled, but the airport hotel was being an absolute pain in the ass about any last minute accommodations. Becky had just been ready to deck the smart ass behind the desk before Sasha had stepped in to calm her down enough to get a word in.

Becky had been banned to one of the lobby chairs while Sasha calmly but sternly went back and forth with the two individuals behind the desk. Apparently Sasha was able to work something out with the manager as Becky soon found herself being dragged into the elevator.

The room is small for sure and hopefully this isn’t something that would require an extended stay, but who knows for sure with the unpredictability of the storm they’ve encountered. It could be hours turned to days with the delays and cancellations being left at the mercy of the north.

They’ve made the most of what they have, and that’s some alone time. It’s only been a little over a month since they’ve started this and realized that neither could stop. They both realized that once the threshold had been broken, it was nearly impossible to keep away from each other in all aspects. It is wrong and they both damn well know it. It isn’t anything even close to be worthy of finding an excuse for. It’s impossible.

Becky manages to fight off the twisting in her stomach by focusing on the annoying rattling coming from the heater in the room. It’s been like that since they very first got there, but only now is the first time she’s actually noticing it. Her mind is elsewhere though, in much more pleasant places.

She’s currently facing Sasha who is lying on her side while she sleeps soundly. Becky can’t help as her eyes wander over the woman’s curves that are still prominent even beneath the white sheets. Her eyes land on Sasha’s face as she appears to be totally relaxing, her face in a state of complete innocence as any and all usual signs of worry seem to have disappeared. If Becky though she was beautiful before, now she thinks she’s ethereal and not a fraction shy of heavenly.

A soft sigh escapes Becky’s lips as she shuffles closer. “Hey Sash?” Her voice is nearly mute quiet as she whispers. Sasha doesn’t move a muscle and her peaceful expression doesn’t change. Becky chews her lip and gently reaches out, lightly curling her fingers around the ends of Sasha’s hair.

Swallowing thickly, she releases another shaky breath. Her voice is barely a whisper as she speaks. “This is dumb. Probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but...you tell me all the time that I’m dumb. It’s different from you though, because I know you don’t mean it. I...I feel like I’m in a movie or something. That’s when people make dumb decisions like what I’m about to, right? Nobody ever does this for real. I just...I gotta...” another shaky breath. “Sash, I love you. I know I absolutely have zero right to say that but...god I just had to let you know. I’ve loved you for _so long_ and I...I haven’t stopped. I’m not sure I know _how_ to stop. I need to though, right? Because you’re my best friend and you’re...you’re with somebody else. I shouldn’t still be this in love with you but I am and I don’t know how to stop. I’m not asking for anything from you, I-I don’t have the right. But I just...I dunno, maybe there’s a big part of me that’s holding on to the idea that maybe somewhere down the line you could say that you love me back. You certainly don’t have to and I don’t wanna force you because I...I can’t lose you, Sash. But I just wanted you to know.”

Becky had kept her voice not even above a whisper, so much so she thinks she even imagined her own words. She’s unsurprised when Sasha hasn’t even moved a muscle. The woman sleeps like the dead and Becky knows it and perhaps that’s what fueled her last minute surge of confidence.

Sighing quietly, she just barely brushes the side of Sasha’s face with her finger tips before she’s turning over and reaching for the lamp to turn off the light. She is soon burying herself underneath the blankets while the annoying rattle of the heater continues to fill the room.

What she doesn’t see is behind her, a tiny worried crease forms at Sasha’s eyebrows. The corners of her lips tug downward and her eyes blink open with all the awareness in the world. All she can do is lay and silence and watch Becky in the dark as she falls asleep.

* * *

**_*Present*_ **

Becky’s legs have pretty much carried her on autopilot all the way back to the hotel. For the most part, all she has been able to do is stare down at Sasha’s phone as her mind sorts out the implications of her impromptu run-in with Bayley. She also hasn’t been able to stop the panic that’s continuing to rise as she realizes she doesn’t exactly have a way to get a hold of Sasha to make sure she’s alright.

The universe hears her pleas and someone clearly has mercy on her as she spots the woman in question lingering just outside her door. Becky jogs the rest of the way down the hall and her heart breaks upon seeing Sasha up close. Her eyes are red and puffy and her skin is pale while she nearly looks like someone who Becky has never seen before.

“S-Sasha! Sash, are you...” she pauses when Sasha doesn’t even look up and acknowledge her.

Pursing her lips, she stoops down and scoops Sasha into her arms before she’s managing to make her way through the door. She nudges Sasha’s suitcase inside with her foot and manages to get the door shut behind her before she’s heading over towards the bed. She carefully sits Sasha on the edge before before she’s dropping to her knees in front. 

“Hey, hey look at me,” Becky is trying not to panic as she tries to meet Sasha’s eyes. “Look at me. Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” Silence. “Sasha please. I need to know if you’re hurt so I can—”

“I’m not hurt...” Sasha’s voice is hoarse as it comes out. Her eyes blink tiredly as she continues to stare at an imaginary spot on the wall.

Becky can only watch with worry. “I...I have your phone. I got it from Bayley and I...I don’t know...”

“She knows.”

Becky’s eyes drop. She figured as much after Bayley had left but she had hoped she was wrong. Not that she didn’t want the truth to come out, because god knows how emotionally worn out she was becoming, but she had thought she had more time. She thought they had more time. Clearly, they’ve once again become a victim of chance.

Sasha blinks once and tears immediately begin falling down her cheeks. “She knows because I told her. I told her about us and I-I left...”

Becky nods slowly and places the phone on the bed before she’s grabbing Sasha’s hands in both her own. “Did she hurt you?”

Closing her eyes, Sasha shakes her head. “She was so angry...but I had to Becky...” she opens her eyes and their gazes finally meet. “I couldn’t anymore. I had to tell her.” 

“What...do you need?” Becky doesn’t know why she’s hesitant as she asks the question. Perhaps it the differing potentials of an answer that have just a tiny bit on edge.

Sasha’s mouth works several times before a strangled sob escapes her. “We need to talk about it...” she manages to get out as she just barely holds her emotions together.

Becky slowly shakes her head. “We don’t have to right now. We’ve got time to figure it out, okay? Just...is it okay if I hold you?” 

“I don’t want to hurt you...”

Becky blinks in confusion. “Sash, please? Just let me take care of you. Please.”

“You’ll learn to hate me...” Sasha whispers as she recoils in on herself. “Just like she did...” 

_‘She couldn’t have loved you. Not like I do,’_ is what she wants to say but she doesn’t. Instead, Becky stands up and steps out of her shoes before she’s joining Sasha on the bed. She wraps her arms around Sasha’s middle and gently guides her into her lap just as the floodgates open.

“I could never hate you, okay? Never.”

Sasha is clutching Becky’s shirt like her life depends on it. Her chest is heaving so much it hurts as she cries. She only cried harder as Becky whispers words of affirmation into her ear and for the first time in so long she feels like she’s allowed to feel this way.

* * *

Smackdown is a blur for Sasha and she doesn’t even realize she’s won her match until it’s over. Well, until it’s over and she becomes acutely aware of the referee having to physically pull her out of the Bank Statement. Her eyes are clouded and everything is fuzzy as she gets to her feet and staggers against the ropes.

By the time she’s in the outside, she’s lingering by the announce table while the ref tries to assist a sprawled out Lacey into regaining consciousness. Sasha doesn’t even remember tapping the other woman out and she doesn’t even want to think about how long she must’ve had the submission locked in to render her unconscious. Not that she would exactly care, if she’s being honest. 

The crowd is such a dull roar in her ears that she doesn’t even hear the shift in dynamic. She only notices it when she looks up towards the ramp and her heart stops. She suddenly wishes a hole would open up and swallow her because for some reason she feels like all eyes are suddenly on her. Even if they’re not, she certainly feels like it.

Sasha can only watch as Bayley all but storms down towards the ring. There’s no music and her belt is secured tightly around her waist as she quite literally shoves a disoriented Lacey and the referee out of her way, sending the two careening into the barricades. Sasha swallows thickly as their gazes meet across the ring ropes.

It’s to a torrent of mixed reactions that Bayley storms around the side of the ring towards the timekeeper’s area where she all but snatches a mic. For a long time, her eyes don’t leave Sasha’s and the icy look leaves Sasha feeling like she’s being completely dressed down in front of the entire audience. Even commentary’s sputtering has fallen on death ears as they scramble alongside everyone else to figure out what’s going on.

Bayley has the mic in a tight grip as she whips away from Sasha and begins to pace. “This is the only way I gotta fucking do this, huh? But you know what, I really shouldn’t be all that surprised coming from someone who isn’t even bold enough to challenge me to my face.” 

She pauses and laughs bitterly while dragging a hand through her hair. “I’ve spent the better part of the night looking for you Lynch, only to find out your punk ass isn’t even here. So no, I’m not at all fucking surprised. You come out here you run your mouth and then you hide. You slump around back there behind closed doors and behind everyone’s backs and you hide. You call me out and then you _fucking hide_.” 

Sasha swallows thickly as Bayley falls silent for several seconds as she continues to pace. She’s gone completely red all the way down to her neck and her fists are clenched so tight anyone close could see as if the veins were about to burst.

“See, you’ve disrespected me with that and disrespect? Well that...that really pissed me off. Since you like to come out here and make big statements, I’ve now got one for you. Only difference here is, I’m not gonna sneak off afterwards. I’m gonna be right there waiting for you.”

“You want your match at Wrestlemania? I’m definitely gonna let you have it, but I’m gonna make sure I get you the way _I_ want you. You like to run so I’m gonna make sure you get to log some laps before I beat you senseless. And after I’m done, and after you’re laying there listening for that ten count because you can’t get up, I’m gonna drag you right back to your feet and make you live through hell all over again.”

Bayley’s teeth clenched tightly as she’s practically seething into the mic. “Becky Lynch, at Wrestlemania I’m gonna end your fucking career.” She pauses and spins around and makes sure she’s making dead eye contact with Sasha. “And I’m gonna make sure _everyone_ is watching while I do it.”

Sasha jumps as the mic is tossed in her direction and it makes an echoing thud at her feet. She feels completely glued to the floor as she watches Bayley not even bother going up the ramp, but instead she jumps the barricade and disappears into the crowd. Feeling like a ghost, Sasha just barely forces herself to finally move as that feeling of being watched suddenly returns. Only this time, it’s accompanied by a scrutinization she can’t do a damn thing about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof. Yikes Bayley. Honestly I’m looking forward to this Mania match...and eeeeverything that’s gonna come with it
> 
> Leave your thoughts?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ahem* Now entering stage left: King Charles

_***Flashback*** _

“So...is there something there?”

Sasha nearly chokes on her water. When she looks up, she finds the world’s most nosiest pair of blue eyes watching her closely. All she can do is frown and wait for a further explanation. When she doesn’t get one right way she raises her eyebrows and shakes her head.

“Is something where?” She probes carefully, still not liking the way she’s being watched.

Charlotte shrugs and nods her head towards the monitor displaying the match taking place out in the ring. Currently Becky is handling her opponent quickly and efficiently. She appears to be all business as she doesn’t let up on offense for a single second to give the other poor soul even just the thought of the upper hand.

“She knows you’re watching, you know.”

Sasha shrugs nonchalantly and brings her water back towards her lips. “I’m sure she knows a lot of people are watching. She’s out there in front of a live crowd.”

Charlotte clicks her tongue. “Yeah, but she really only cares if you’re watching.”

Lowering her bottle once again, Sasha can’t fend off the tiny smile that just barely tugs at the corner of her lips. Truth being told, in the span of the time that they’ve been riding together, she’s definitely noticed a change in Becky. Almost as if some kinda fire has been ignited, but she hasn’t been exactly able to pinpoint from where. She also sure as hell isn’t gonna attribute any of that to herself.

Once again feeling Charlotte’s gaze on her, Sasha recovers and rolls her eyes. “I told her I would. We’re friends and partners. It’s only fair of me to provide any feedback and pointers for her. Sometimes I get the feel that she’s still trying to find her fit, you know? Sometimes it takes a while.”

Charlotte snorts and shakes her head. “I dunno, Sash. I mean, maybe you don’t see it but there’s gotta be something there. You never warm up to people this fast. Remember how long it you for you to even talk to me and Bayley? For so long I was convinced you didn’t even know _I_ existed.”

“Yeah well, sometimes I still kinda wish you didn’t,” Sasha giggles and it turns into a full blown laugh when Charlotte nudges her in the ribs. Eventually, her laugh dies down to a quiet and content chuckle. “I think I’m her first friend really and I wouldn’t have felt right just brushing her off immediately. I don’t know...”

“Perhaps there’s something beyond just friendship???”

“No, nuh uh. I’m not doing this with you. It’s not even like that.”

“I’m not saying it is!” Charlotte throws you her hands defensively. “All I’m saying is that it could be. I know you haven’t had the best of luck with...that. Maybe this could be something worth trying?”

Sasha is quickly shaking her head as about a thousand and one things run through her mind. Her disappointment. Her loneliness. People’s unwillingness to commit. Their unwillingness to even bother to see if she’s worth it. It’s all so much and she’s so fucking _tired_.

“Not that. Definitely not that. Becky’s...” _‘so naïve? So innocent? Trusting? Every single thing that I could never be?’_ “Becky’s turning out to be a pretty good friend which...is something that I really need right now above all else. I know you’re just trying to help, Char, but I promise it’s not like that.”

_‘Maybe not for you,’_ but Charlotte doesn’t say that. It’s not her business to say, even though technically no one has confided in her. She just has a bit of a sixth sense for these things and lately, she’s caught a tiny bit of a scent. Where exactly that could possibly lead, she has absolutely no idea, but she figured it was at least worth mentioning for the time being.

“Whatever you say,” is what she eventually settles on.

They turn their attention back to the monitor to find the match over and judging by the way Becky is excitedly prancing around the ring to the tune of her own music, she’s definitely won. It’s something that both of them can’t help but laugh at. It’s no surprise that only moments later, the woman in question is bounding her way into the locker room with all the excitement and animation in the world.

“Did ya see me???” Becky asks, her eyes glowing and animated.

“Yeah, we definitely saw you,” Charlotte responds, even though she can tell for a fact that the question was no way directed at her even though she’s one of the only two people who were waiting in the room. “Kinda hard not to when you’re out there dressed like _that_.”

Becky makes a face at Charlotte and proceeds to mock her. “Ah, quiet ya ten ton boulder. Gotta watch and make sure all that bleach ain’t leaking into your skull. Heard it could mess up your eyesight too. Make ya blind to good taste.”

Charlotte sends Becky the finger and Sasha rolls her eyes and steps between the two. “You look like you had fun,” she says sincerely as she offers Becky a hug. Immediately though, she makes a face and pulls away. “You definitely put in work. You’re soaked.”

“Ah...sorry,” Becky mumbles, blushing furiously as she drags a hand through her sweaty hair. “I did have fun though. I mean, it’s not the same though, ya know? Being out there solo and stuff.”

“Definitely,” Sasha smirks. “We still gotta remind them time and again though. Best at everything even separate.”

“Damn straight!”

Charlotte watches the exchange between the two and shakes her head slowly. No matter how badly she wants to say something, _anything_ , she doesn’t. It’s not her place. Even though it damn well might be with the way it’s being shoved in her face time and time again. She just hopes that one day a certain someone will see it too.

**_*Present*_ **

Becky has been on edge the entire duration of this appearance and Charlotte knows it. Hell, Charlotte even fucking knew it in the way Becky was responding to her text messages before they even met up. There was something in the incomplete thought and clipped answers even down to the fucking punctuation. Becky _NEVER_ uses punctuation.

They’re currently on a break from signings and Charlotte is currently keeping pace beside her silent and rather tense friend. Becky has her hands stuffed tightly in her pockets and her shoulders are just slightly hunched as she keeps her gaze dead forward.

“Do you wanna grab anything? Heard the refreshment table is pretty stacked.”

“I’m good.” 

Charlotte may be confined to being over on Raw, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t tune in every Friday night and damn if she wasn’t rocked off guard by what took place at the end of last week. She hadn’t been surprised that any effort she had made to reach out had fallen completely on death ears on all party fronts. Being honest, it did kind tick her off just a bit that the answers she got were subsequently ‘it’s fine’, ‘don’t worry about it’, and just being flat out ignored all together. In a way, this appearance turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

“I’m not trying to pry...”

“Well you’re definitely prying.”

Charlotte stops and grabs Becky by the shoulder, successfully swinging her around. “Look, don’t stand there and pretend like something isn’t going on. I feel like I’m walking on three different sets of eggshells right now and we’ve only been here half the day. You know how rare these moments are.”

Becky rolls her eyes hard. “Wow Charlie, way to make this about you.”

“You know that is not what I meant. I mean...” Charlotte huffs I’m aggravation. “Did something happen? With Sasha and Bayley?”

Becky’s jaw tenses and she looks away, her eyes darting every which way except for the pondering gaze standing in front of her. “It’s nothing.”

This time Charlotte rolls her eyes so hard it’s a wonder they don’t get stuck somewhere in the back of her head. Before she can even think to form a more pressing response, a bit of a commotion heading their way overtakes any words she was about to say.

“I don’t care! I’m not doing any more!”

“Wait! Wait! What can we do! You can’t just leave!”

“Fucking watch me! I’m done with this!”

Charlotte blinks dumbly as she swears she’s never heard such anger come from _that_ voice. Well, not since Friday at least. The whole reason why she feels like she’s the damn dog the family forgot about outside in the rain.

Bayley is all but leading a warpath down the hall with a train of scrawly looking producers following behind her. Charlotte doesn’t need to see her eyes behind the dark shades to know that she’s fuming with how red she’s gone. She also concludes if that blue belt were a person, it would’ve lost it’s life in the tight grip hours ago. If this had been going on all day, Charlotte at least quietly commends her for bullshitting enough to smile for the cameras.

Charlotte also picks up the exact moment her two friends make eye contact with one other and the air suddenly changes. Almost as if it drops to below subzero temperatures and all the oxygen is suddenly sucked out. For a brief moment she wonders what it would be like if she just so happened to strike a match right now.

“Bay, are you...”

Bayley completely ignores Charlotte as she takes a half step towards Becky where she appears to be looking her up and down. “Haven’t seen you around.” 

Becky, whose jaw is still tight, clenches her fists and raises her chin just a bit. “I’ve been here. Haven’t been hidin’ neither.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Bayley scoffs bitterly. She steps closer until she’s in Becky’s space and lifts her shades rest atop her head. If anyone were looking close enough, they could see the smudged and ruined remnants of eyeliner just underneath her eyes. A forced smile tugs at the corner of her lips as she leans in close just enough for only Becky to hear her whispered words.

“You might wanna check on her. Think I made her cry.”

Before Becky can even react, Bayley is shoulder checking her before continuing her brisk walk away from the venue. Becky huffs loudly and has half a mind to turn around and go after her, but just as she makes the move, she runs right into the human equivalent of a wall.

“Yeah okay, _that’s_ not nothing,” Charlotte says flatly as she is left wondering about the quiet exchange not even her keen hearing could pick up on.

Becky is too angry and too loose on her own emotions to do anything but sputter a half assed response. “Char it...I’m...fuck! Now really isn’t the time,” when she sees Charlotte prepare an argument she quickly tries to cut her off. Her own words die off immediately as her gaze shifts just over Charlotte’s shoulder and her heart sinks. “Sash?” 

While still somehow looking as beautiful as ever, Sasha absolutely looks like a ghost and she continues to move as such. Almost like she’s gliding past anything and everyone that’s trying to get her attention. As she nears the duo, it’s almost like she’s looking past the two of them.

Becky immediately notices the dark smudges under Sasha’s eyes, very similar to Bayley’s but on a much more drastic level. She’s quickly abandoning Charlotte’s side as it only takes her two steps to gather the woman into her arms. Despite her adrenaline still raging from her exchange with Bayley just moments prior, she manages to keep her voice even.

“Hey, are you okay?” She’s quickly searching Sasha’s eyes for something beyond the obvious notions that she’s not okay. “What happened?”

“Nothing we just...” Sasha quickly shakes her head and wipes at her eyes. “We got into it. Started yelling at each other.”

“Did she hurt you?”

“Of course not. We just...got super loud.” 

Becky nods and pulls Sasha flush against her, much too close for it to come off as friendly. For a moment, she completely forgets about that as she brings both of Sasha’s hands up to kiss the back of them. “She’s gone for the day, okay? And I’m not gonna leave you alone like this.”

Sasha swallows thickly as she suddenly feels like she’s two feet tall. A quick glance over Becky’s shoulder and she’s suddenly made aware of way. “Becky...”

“Yeah?” Becky follows Sasha’s nudge and she remembers where she was approximately five minutes ago. “Ah shit...”

“Go to the car,” is all Sasha says.

Becky blinks in confusion. “What? Sasha I’m not—”

“Please?” Sasha’s eyes are pleading as she places both hands on the sides of Becky’s face. “Please...”

No matter how much she wants to argue, she can’t and she only sighs quietly. She leans in and places a quick kiss to Sasha’s cheek before she glances over at Charlotte and offers her an apologetic look. She might go wait somewhere, but she damn sure isn’t going as far as the car.

Sasha sighs to herself and squares her shoulders before she’s approaching Charlotte who’s looking at her with that look. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Charlotte, it’s not any of your business.”

“Like hell its not!” Charlotte exclaims before she’s throwing a thumb over her shoulder. “Bayley just stormed through here like a bat out of hell, Becky’s been wound tight all morning. I’ve barely even heard from you. Now this? Sash, I—what!? We’re all friends here right!?”

Sasha shakes her head. “Seriously. It’s best you don’t get involved.”

“Too late! After everything I just witnessed I feel like I’m an accessory to a murder I don’t even know about.”

“Stop being ridiculous...”

“ _I’m_ ridiculous!? Okay, you know what.” Charlotte quickly shrugs her belt off her shoulder and secures it tightly around her waist.

_This_ is where the others fucked up. Leaving her behind with the one she knows for a fact she can get stuff out of. In little to no time she’s stooping down and nudging her shoulder into Sasha’s midsection. She’s soon standing back to her full height with the smaller woman securely thrown over her shoulder.

The feeling of weightlessness and the equilibrium shift takes Sasha completely off guard and a startled squeak escapes her lips. It isn’t until she’s seeing the ground and the back of Charlotte’s jacket does she realize exactly what’s going on. “Charlotte!”

“Shut up,” Charlotte grunts was she continues to effortlessly move through the hall, not giving a damn about the eyes that might be on them or the fists pounding her back. Anyone who would be paying attention would just think this is just fun between friends and she’s so thankful for that.

“Charlotte I swear to god!”

“Yeah yeah, I know.”

Sasha continues to flail and punch as best she can as she can do absolutely nothing about the strong grip secured on her tights. Noise begins to fade and scenery changes as she sees herself led down a dimly lit and less occupied hall. Eventually, she gives up on fighting and just hangs limp.

Charlotte tries several doors off the hall before she manages to find an open one. It’s dusty and clearly used to just store old office equipment, but it’s going to have to do for the time being. She flips on the light and unceremoniously dumps Sasha into a nearby chair before she’s closing the door, locking it, and leaning against it.

Sasha is out of the chair in a second and she’s standing in front of Charlotte, glaring up at her. “Charlotte I’m serious. Move.”

“Move me,” Charlotte shrugs, folding her arms as she continues to block the door.

Sasha, who is emotionally exhausted from everything that’s been going on, can’t fight off the slight tremble that finds her jaw. “Char, please. I’m not...I don’t know if I can...”

“You don’t have to tell me everything. You don’t have to tell me _anything_ , but...” Charlotte’s voice is gentle as she drops her firm resolve. “I really would like to hear your side. What’s going on with _you_.” 

Sasha sniffles as she feels likes she’s been tossed in a trash compactor before being jetted off to outer space. Looking at Charlotte she doesn’t feel any sense of urgency or expectation or like what she does or doesn’t say would end the entire world as she knows it. For once there’s a sense of patience without any underlying expeditions no matter how irrational or how genuine.

A shaky sigh escapes her and along with it comes a minute sob. “Becky and I, we’ve been...” she closes her eyes and shakes her head as the tears begin to fall. “I’ve been sleeping with her.”

Charlotte’s hands fall limply are her sides and her eyes widen. She had an inkling of an idea that something skirting these realms was going on, but a) she was initially hoping damn wrong and b) surely it wouldn’t have escalated to something so huge, right? It couldn’t have. Last she checked Sasha and Bayley were... _fuck_.

“I...Sash, honey...” her voice falls to a gentle whisper.

“I know! I _know..._ I don’t need a lecture! I-...I can’t take anymore people yelling at me.” 

This time Charlotte is the one who’s quickly shaking her head. “No no, of course not. I’m not gonna lecture you I just...Sasha what happened?” 

Sasha opens her eyes and when she does they’re red, glassy, and unfocused with a splash of confusion and a pinch of fear. “I...I don’t know what happened,” and truly she doesn’t. If she knew what happened from the beginning then perhaps she could’ve done something to stop it before it got this out of hand. 

She takes a shaky deep breath as her gaze falls. “It’s been over a year...” this is the second time she’s had to admit that part that out loud and it does nothing to serve the overwhelming weight of guilt that continues to sit at the base of her stomach. 

“Oh Christ...” Charlotte can’t help but groan quietly as her head thumps against the door. Hearing Sasha’s breathing starting to pick up, she quickly recovers. “Hey no no, that’s not on you. That’s just...I really don’t know what to say.” 

“I told Bayley. Because she’s just been...no...I’ve been feeling different about things for a long time. I just didn’t know how to say and then Becky she was there and she showed me, Char. She showed me all those things I would be dreaming about when I couldn’t fall asleep at night and all that time I was stuck sleeping next to the wrong person.” 

Sasha tightly grips her hair as she looks around the room as if frantically searching for a physical answer to an otherworldly question. “I can’t tell you why I did it. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong and it just felt...I _felt_! I don’t know why. I just...I did...” another strangled sob slips past her lips.

Charlotte reaches out and carefully pulls Sasha against her as she loses the battle with her emotions. Judging by the intensity of the sobs, she can only imagine how long this has been bottling up. Hell, for an affair that’s been happening for well over a year, she doesn’t even think she has the capability to imagine. 

“Obviously I don’t know what happened. I’m not gonna know what happened, but I just need you to know that doesn’t change who you are, okay?” 

“I’m sorry...” Sasha whispers. “I’m so fucking sorry.” 

Charlotte only nods as she knows the words weren’t exactly meant for her. The next words that follow are so small and fragile that she would’ve missed them if they weren’t standing so close to each other.

“She loves me, Charlie. She loves me so much and I’ve hurt her so bad...I-I’ve _ruined_ her...”

Charlotte frowns and she opens her mouth but stops herself before the words slip past her lips. Instead, she only settles in a nod that Sasha doesn’t see while the smaller woman continues to tightly cling to her arms to stay upright. Any earlier thoughts about this joint appearance being a blessing in disguise have quickly faded away as it’s now manifested itself into something of a curse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A filler, but a heavy one nonetheless
> 
> As always, leave your thoughts (and by thoughts I mean come scream at me in the comment section like I know some of you are gonna do)!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Relatable...

The mood is definitely heavy as they return to the room in the late afternoon. The silence from the car ride has definitely carried over through the lobby, up the elevator, and right into the room as they finally slip through the door. Anyone would be thankful for finally having a moment of peace and quiet, but for Sasha, it’s almost as if this is an alternative that’s worse.

Becky on the other hand has been doing practically everything she can to try and ease the mood. Despite her immense curiosity, she hasn’t pushed to know what went down when she was supposedly ‘sent to the car’. In favor of that she had opted to pace around behind the scenes and well out of the public eye. When Sasha had returned, alarm bells had quickly gone off in her head as she somehow looked even more withdrawn and shaken than when Becky had first left her.

No words are said as Sasha carelessly tosses her purse onto the sofa and proceeds to stride into the bathroom. She doesn’t shut the door, but she’s left leaning with her hands braced against the counter and her head hung low. Her eyes fall shut as she is resigned to pacing her breathing while her heart continues to beat at an erratic and inconsistent pace. In one. Out one. In two. Out three. In three. Out…

Sasha’s breath hitches when there’s suddenly a presence behind her. She’s immediately made aware of Becky pressing into her closely. Hands come to rest on her shoulders as gentle kisses are placed to the side of her neck. Those lips eventually trail downward to her shoulders and the hands previously occupying the space slowly move down her sides to grasp at her hips and pull her back just a little bit closer.

It’s different. Everything feels so fucking different, even though she is well aware of the war taking place somewhere in the back of her mind telling her that it’s not. It’s all exactly the same as it was before, as it should be right? Or maybe it shouldn’t be. Sasha honestly doesn’t know. She doesn’t know right from wrong anymore, and at this exact moment, she’s sure if someone asked her up from down, she wouldn’t be able to tell them that either.

When her eyes open again, she feels as if her breath has been stolen and her heart stands at a halt. She’s not looking at herself anymore. Not the woman she’s come to know. The woman that she’s come to hate. _This_ woman…she’s someone she’s long since declared dead. Instead, her blue locks have been replaced with red. There’s an unknown hopefulness in her eyes, but even from here she can see that it’s only acting as a thin film sitting atop a layer of underlying sadness.

What startles her most, is she’s no longer where she thought she was. The lights are much brighter, the sounds are different, hell even the smell is different. Glancing over her shoulder, what was previously vibrant red locks have turned dark and silky as they spill out over Sasha’s shoulder. Her breath shudders slightly as she tries to control the exhale to the very best of her ability.

“Babe, you’ve gone hella quiet…”

There’s a…casualness in the way the question is asked. A lack of urgency and perhaps an authenticity that Sasha has sought after for quite some time. Something she has only found in the deeper darker realms of uncertainty and roads less traveled for very obvious moral reasons. Sasha’s eyes fall shut once more and she shakes her head slowly and doesn’t respond. She can’t. Everything she wants to say, or thinks she wants to say somehow can’t be manifested into physical words. It’s almost as if they never make off the conveyor belt of creation and to the exit point of her mouth.

“Sash, what’s wrong?”

Nothing. Still nothing.

“Babe?”

She can’t. It needs to stop.

“Sasha?”

Sasha gasps quietly as there’s a gentle shake to her shoulders. Her eyes fly open again and she’s back in the bathroom like she last remembers. She finds herself now turned away from the counter and Becky is watching her with immense worry while she holds her gently. Blinking several times, Sasha realizes that it was Becky that had been calling to her and she’s been left waiting patiently and anxiously for a response.

After swallowing the solid lump that had managed to form in her throat, Sasha finds her head shaking again. “I’m sorry…” her voice is hoarse and foreign on her own ears.

Becky’s eyebrows only knit together further. “Where’d you go just now?”

“Nowhere, I just…” Sasha takes a much needed deep breath and for the first time in this whole entire day she feels herself granted the luxury of relaxing. “A lot happened today, and I honestly think that it’s starting to catch up with me.”

Becky can only nod slowly in understanding. “I didn’t want to pry earlier on, because you still seemed upset but…I’m worried about you. I mean, I’m always worried about you, but from today specifically, I mean. Was everything okay with…Charlotte?” God, she so badly wants to ask about what happened only moments prior to that. What had happened that left Sasha in tears and an energy so charged that even the slightest spark could cause an earth shattering explosion. She wants to ask, but she doesn’t. She tells herself it’s because it isn’t her business, but she knows it’s because she’s afraid of what she’ll possibly hear and subsequently possibly do after the fact.

Sasha worries her lip for a moment before she shrugs. “I…I told her what happened. About me and Bayley. About us. I told her everything.”

“Oh…” Becky is unsure about the origins of the sudden knots twisting at the base of her stomach. A part of her feels she should run and hide, but there’s another part that feels a weight lifted, even if just a tiny bit. “What’d she say?”

“Not much. Mostly just asked if I was okay.”

“Are you?”

“I…” Sasha pauses for a moment before she’s shrugging again. “I think so.” How true that may or may not be, she’s currently unable to say.

Becky leans forward and brushes their noses together for a brief moment before she’s resting her forehead against Sasha’s. “You know you can lean on me, right? We don’t gotta…you don’t gotta hold it in anymore, Sash. It’s okay.”

Sasha’s smile is tight, but it’s there as she allows Becky to place a kiss to her lips. She reaches up and tangles her fingers into thick red hair. “I know. Thank you.”

“We’ve got time so I was thinking we could take a nap and then maybe later we could go for dinner?” Becky’s suggestion is careful, but hopeful. 

“Dinner…?” Sasha repeats, blinking owlishly as if she’s testing out the word for the first time.

Becky shrugs carefully while keeping her hands resting on Sasha’s waist. “Yeah. I…I’ve been dying to take you out and right now I think is the best time, you know? You can relax and we can finally just spend time together and not exactly worry about the other bullshit.”

Sasha recalls the very last date she‘d been on and while she knows the circumstances are exceedingly different, she can’t help the sudden overwhelming feeling of apprehension. “Oh Becks, I don’t know…” she mumbles quietly, slipping out of Becky’s embrace as she heads into the other room.

Becky is left blinking in rapid confusion as her brain tries to process what might’ve just happened. She catches her own frown in the mirror before she’s shaking her head and following after Sasha. “Wait, did I say something wrong?”

Sasha hesitates before shaking her head. “No, you didn’t. It’s just…are you sure? Right now?”

“Why wouldn’t I be sure? And why not right now?” Becky pauses as she feels herself becoming slightly animated and she takes a mental step back and regroups as to not draw any wrong conclusions. “I mean…if you’re tired, I totally get that, but…Sasha a part of me can’t help but feel like that’s not what this.”

Sasha frowns and her eyes fall downcast as she suddenly engages into a staring match with the floor. The crippling squeeze around her stomach returns as she slowly processes Becky’s words, because of course she would be sure. Of course, this is something she would want; but now of all times? Sasha honestly can’t say if _she’s_ sure and that’s something that leaves a burden heavier than the one she’s been carrying for well over a year.

“You’re right,” the words leave her mouth on her own accord and she closes her eyes before taking a deep breath. Her brain is screaming at her, but for once she promptly ignores it. “What time did you want to go?”

Becky frowns in worry. “Are you sure?”

_‘God, I wish you would stop asking that,’_ Sasha mentally shouts but she’s unsure if it’s directed at Becky or elsewhere. She eventually nods and forces what she hopes is a convincing smile to her lips. “Of course. I’d love to.”

Moving cautiously, Becky steps forward and places a gentle kiss on Sasha’s cheek before pulling her into a hug. “I love you…” she murmurs quietly.

Sasha can only nod. 

* * *

Sasha can’t help but feel like people are watching. Hell, she’s used to people watching considering what she loves and does for a living. Being in front of tens of thousands of people live and hundreds of thousands at home is something she’s not a stranger to. She’s used to the billboards and the advertisements. She’s used to being the center of the public eye. She’s used to being looked at, but this? This is something completely different. To her, there’s a difference in being looked at and being watched, and right now, she’s feeling more of the latter that’s just a shy step away from exposure.

She’s been well aware of how tense she’s been at Becky’s side and she can only hope that it’s her own hypersensitivity that’s making her aware of it and it’s not translating as loud as it currently seems. As they enter the restaurant, she finds herself involuntarily shifting uncomfortably when she realizes just how packed the place is. Her heart jumps just a little when Becky’s arm tightens around her waist just a little.

“I called ahead.” Becky mumbles quietly, abandoning her side for a brief moment to speak to the hostess at the crowded podium.

When she returns, Becky reactively reaches for Sasha’s hand, but she’s a little stunned when it’s slowly pulled away. She tries to keep her features schooled into one of neutrality, but she can’t deny the pang in her chest when Sasha puts a small amount of distance between them on the way to their table. Sending the hostess a small smile in thanks, she pulls out Sasha’s chair from the table before she’s carefully sliding into her own seat.

The silence between them is some how deafening as Sasha takes an immediate interest in her menu. She can feel Becky watching her closely and the other woman’s gaze has her feeling like she’s nothing but two feet tall. Her hands tremble involuntarily, and she’s found herself taking several needed deep breaths to calm herself.

Not able to take it anymore, Becky sighs audibly and puts her own menu down. “Sasha, what is this?”

“What is what?” Sasha responds without looking up.

“This? All day since we left the signing you’ve been…you’ve been like this. If it’s something that happened with Charlotte or something I did, then can you let me know? So I can start trying to fix it?” When Becky reaches across the table for Sasha’s hand it’s immediately pulled back and she stares back in shock. “See! That’s exactly what I mean!”

Sasha winces and instinctively looks over her shoulder. “Can you maybe not yell like that?”

Becky’s eyes go wide, and she sits ramrod straight in her chair. Her eyes flit over Sasha’s face and she can’t help but frown when she sees something almost aligning with discomfort that’s disguising itself as shame. “I’m not yelling,” her voice drops down lower. “Sasha are you…embarrassed? By me?” 

Huffing agitatedly, Sasha drags a hand through her hair. “It’s not you. Just…the situation right now.”

“What situation?”

“This! Us! Whatever this is!” Sasha shifts again and once again finds herself looking around. The anxiety is becoming crippling and she swears she feels the heat of judgement practically breathing down her neck.

Becky’s shoulders drop just a fraction and her eyes fall down to the table. “I didn’t realize this was just ‘whatever’.” The words are mumbled out almost inaudible enough for anyone but herself to understand. She nervously chews her bottom lip for a long moment before she’s looking up to match Sasha’s unfocused gaze. “You didn’t have to force yourself to be here if you don’t wanna be.”

Sasha tries to scoff dismissively that just falls flat on being convincing. “Stop, I wasn’t forcing myself to be here. I wanted to-”

“Because ever since we’ve left the hotel you’ve done everything you can to pull away from me-”

“-that’s because I wasn’t sure about-”

“-and it really feels like you’re ashamed to be out with me right now.”

“Because I am!”

As soon as the words are said Sasha wishes she could take them back and she’s unable to hold her look steady with the broken one that immediately crosses Becky’s face. “Becky, I didn’t mean it like that.”

A slightly mirthless laugh slips past Becky’s lips. “I don’t know how else you could’ve meant it.”

This is promptly why she hadn’t wanted to say anything. Why she had resigned herself to sit through this dinner because of how hopeful Becky had looked when she originally asked. Why she hadn’t and shouldn’t have trusted her mouth in the first place. Now true to the past, present, and possibly future if her track record has anything to say about it, she knows she’s somehow managed to fuck things up ten times over.

“Can we not do this now?” She whispers, her voice pleading.

“Can we not-” Becky interrupts herself and laughs again. “Are you serious? If not now, then when Sash? Whenever you’re ready to talk? You’re never ready to talk! I’m always waiting for you to come to me with how you’re feeling. Even now, you’re keeping me at arm’s length and to an extent it’s always been like that. It’s like…you don’t trust me to let me in unless we’re in bed together.”

Sasha squeezes her eyes shut. “Becky, that’s not fair.”

“It’s not? Tell me how it’s not fair when I’m the one that’s been here? I’m the one that’s been holding you together? Treating you like you deserve to be treated? _Loving you???_ ”

“I didn’t ask you to put me on a pedestal! I’m not…it’s not…” a frustrated sigh escapes Sasha as she slams her hands down on the table when she can’t properly articulate her words and it doesn’t help when Becky continues to push.

“Explain to me what this is, Sash, because I…I don’t know what else I can do. I’m trying so hard because you’re my girl and I just want to-”

“It’s not that easy to just turn off the fact that I was somebody else’s girl! I was someone else’s and it was wrong. It was so fucking _wrong_ while I laid there and let her fuck me and the only thing I could think about was how I was there, and it wasn’t you.”

It suddenly feels as if all of the air has been sucked from the room and Becky feels her heart bottom out somewhere near her shoes. Her eyes become wide and unblinking while her mouth hangs just slightly ajar. “You…you let her…” she loses the words just as quickly as they come.

Sasha tilts her head back and finds herself immediately blinking back tears. “Becky…”

Becky slowly shakes her head as she can’t look away despite the fact she’s suddenly feeling like she’s just been hit by a truck. “You told me that you wouldn’t…that you weren’t…I thought…”

“Becky it was one time…the last time.”

“The last time…” Becky repeats quietly before it dawns on her. “That’s the day you told her, wasn’t it?” No response. “Wasn’t it, Sasha?”

As her tears begin to fall, Sasha can only nod slowly. “It didn’t mean anything…”

Becky clenches her jaw tightly and looks away. “But to her it did…”

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not with her anymore.”

“Yeah well, you’re not exactly with me either,” Becky mumbles before she’s slowly pushing away from the table.

Sasha immediately looks up alarmed. “Wait, where are you going?”

Becky’s look is far off and absent as she shakes her head. She reaches into her pocket and retrieves the keys to her rental they shared to the restaurant before she’s placing them on the table. “You can drive back whenever you’re ready.”

Sasha’s eyes widen as she looks from the keys up to Becky who is dead set on staring into the distance. “Becks…” she tries to reach for the other woman’s trembling hand, but it’s slowly pulled away.

“Take it. I just…I need to take a walk.”

There’s nothing left to argue about as Becky is briskly striding away with her shoulders slumped and her hands buried deep into the pockets of her jacket. Sasha is left frozen at the table for several moments before she grabs the keys and take off towards the door. She knows eyes are on her as she calls out to Becky, but when she makes it outside, she’s only met with the emptiness of the street.

* * *

_***Flashback*** _

“It’s beautiful here.”

“Ah, it’s a piece of shit, really.”

Sasha snorts and with her elbow, she nudges her best friend in the ribs. “How can you say that?”

Becky quirks an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I never hear you singing and shouting about Boston whenever we’re there.”

Sasha rolls her eyes. “This is not even close to being the same thing. Here it just feels so…vibrant? The lights, the atmosphere, just everything. It’s so unique. I’ve literally never experienced anything like it.”

At this, Becky chuckles quietly. “We’ve gotta expand some of those horizons then, Banksy. ‘Cause this ain’t exactly my idea when someone says, ‘exciting vacation’.”

This is their first international tour since they’ve been on the main roster together and it’s taken them on a long stint of shows all across Europe. While Sasha had been excited about the tour as a whole, she mostly looked forward to their first stop in Ireland because she knew she would have the best tour guide around. Even if said tour guide turned out to be a huge aloof grump about the whole thing.

Their current late night adventure has led them on a stroll through the streets of Dublin where Sasha has made note to compliment and critique every little thing down to its smallest detail. Becky has found it quite amusing and she’s found her eyes rolling on more than one occasion as she’s allowed Sasha to pull her off in many different directions throughout the night. It’s all in jest though and she definitely isn’t going to be complaining about it. Not at all.

“Do you miss it?”

“Huh?”

“Being here,” Sasha asks carefully as they aimlessly veer off down another street. “Do you miss it?”

Becky thinks for a moment before she’s eventually shrugging. “I mean, it’s definitely where I came from, so to an extent I’m gonna miss it, but it’s not home anymore, ya know? Home has gotta be where your safe place is. Where you feel you’re the most…you, I guess. If any of that even makes any sense…”

Sasha beams brightly. “It makes perfect sense. I definitely know what you mean,” she whispers back before giggling softly. “What would everyone say if they saw how soft the big bad Lass Kicker gets in her native habitat? You’re such a sap.”

“I’m not a sap!” Becky exclaims, cursing mentally when a blush finds its way to her cheeks. She’s thankful it’s dark for the most part as they’re now walking through the gentle glow of a small park. “I’m tough, and anyone who suggests otherwise will get a nice beating to compensate for it.”

“Is that a challenge, Lynch?” Sasha raises an eyebrow.

Seeing Sasha’s smirk, Becky can’t help but roll her eyes. “People talk about me, but you’re always the one looking for a fight. Makes me wonder how Bay even manages to put up with you.”

“Oh, please. Don’t even get started with that,” Sasha gives her best friend a nudge. They lapse into a comfortable silence for a moment before she suddenly squeals in excitement. “Becky oh my god!”

“What? What happened?”

“This fountain!”

Becky’s eyebrows knit together in confusion as Sasha takes off towards a fountain at the center of the park. “So what? It’s a fountain.”

Sasha huffs and tightens her arm around Becky’s while she continues to drag her closer. “It’s one of those ones where you toss a coin in it and make a wish!”

“…okay and? Sasha, what are you five?”

“Ever since I was a little kid, I can’t pass by one of these and not toss a coin in. It’s become kind of a silent tradition, ya know?”

Becky feels her heart do a little jump at the excitement and almost childlike giddiness in Sasha’s voice. _‘No, no. Now, definitely not now…’_ she mentally shouts at herself once more as those thoughts continue to swirl around in her head. The thoughts she swore she got rid of some several years ago.

“Well, I hope you’ve got a coin on you, ‘cause all I have is my credit card, and we damn sure ain’t tossing _that_ in there.”

Sasha rolls her eyes and mutters something about cynical jackasses as she digs through her purse. Eventually she produces two quarters before she’s offering one to Becky who appears to be hesitant on taking it. “C’mon on. Since you’re already here you might as well do it with me.”

Becky takes the coin and stares at it in her hand before she’s looking back up at Sasha who now has her eyes closed. She takes a deep breath and does the same before she’s tossing the coin into the water where it lands with a soft plop. When she opens her eyes again, she finds Sasha watching her with the world’s brightest smile and for the second time in so many minutes, her heart does that same annoying jump.

“So…what’d you wish for?” Sasha ponders carefully as she tilts her head.

Becky raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t the point of this to not say what you wished for? Otherwise it won’t come true or something?”

Sasha shrugs absently. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Alright then Banksy,” Becky sniffs haughtily. “What’d you wish for?”

“I wished for you to stay my best friend,” Sasha shrugs again as if it’s the most obvious thing for her to have wished for. “And that you’re happy whenever you decide you’ve found your forever home.”

Becky’s mouth falls open and she’s left awkwardly clearing her throat as she finds herself once again truly thankful for the darkness that’s hiding her blush. “Aw Sash,” she laughs lightly. “And you’re out here calling me a sap.”

Smiling brightly, Sasha gives Becky a nudge. “So…what’d you wish for?”

Becky opens her mouth and hesitates before snapping it shut. Her shoulders shrug and she finds herself laughing awkwardly. “Mine ah, is kinda stupid compared to yours. I wished…” she mulls over her words. “I wished for some divine intervention to make Charlotte stop snoring like a damn buzz saw at night. Makes rooming with her hell.”

Sasha barks out a loud laugh. “She calls herself ’Genetically Superior’ and somehow can’t seem to find something to fix that fucking death rattle.” Her laughter continues but eventually dies down after a few moments as she leans into Becky and rests her head against her shoulder. “Thanks for showing me around today. You didn’t have to, but you did and…I don’t know. I had a good time.”

“Me too…” Becky releases a shaky breath as she nods her head.

There’s a long pause and a comfortable silence before Becky feels her equilibrium completely shifted and she’s stumbling nearly headfirst into the fountain. She just barely reaches out with her hands in time to break her fall, but it ends up creating an even bigger splash. She gasps reactively as she’s assaulted with cold water and hysterical laughter fills her ears.

“Sasha Banks! You absolute fucking bitch!”

Sasha is nearly doubled over as Becky attempts to stand and only slips and falls back into the water. By now she has tears in her eyes with how hard she’s laughing. What she doesn’t expect but absolutely should have is the arm that wraps itself around her wrist. “Becky, wait, don’t-” she squeals loudly as there’s another loud splash when Becky pulls her into the fountain as well. “Becks!”

“Oh, you _so_ deserved that!” Becky exclaims, trying to stand for a second time, only she slips again. “Jesus Christ, for fucks sake!”

The two continue to laugh and curse as it’s literally a joint effort for them to even get back to their feet. They’re both completely soaked through and through and their laughter eventually dies down. Sasha giggles at the way Becky’s hair has lost all it’s volume and is completely sticking to her face while Becky snickers at the way Sasha’s makeup has immediately started to run.

“We are both way too old for this,” Becky chuckles lowly.

“Yeah,” Sasha whispers back. “Yeah we are.”

Not all good things come in threes, and instead of jumping, this time Becky’s heart completely stops. Her throat bobs as she attempts to swallow the thick lump that’s lodged itself there. She’s suddenly made aware of them holding onto each other to stay upright and she can practically feel the heat from Sasha’s hands burning all the way through her jacket. The tinging is immediately replaced by one of the worst sinking feelings she’s ever felt in her life. A feeling she’s also become way too familiar with.

Thinking back to her wish before, her _real_ wish, her heart can’t help but seize up just a little. It’s something she’s wished for for so long. Longer than she should and would actually like to admit. However, she knows it’s something she’ll probably never be able to say out loud. Because if she does, then…then she might just lose her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Becky I...Becky T_T damn I broke my own heart with this one.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys! Hope to see ya in the next chapter :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: OOF

When she startles awake in bed, she’s immediately met with such a darkness, it takes her brain several moments to even process where she is. Blinking hard, her eyes are watering slightly as they try to adjust. She sniffles and rubs them with her palms, all the while trying to figure out what the hell woke up at such an ungodly hour. At least, she’s assuming it’s ungodly. It could very well be just past dusk, and she quite literally wouldn’t know the difference.

“Ah fuck,” Charlotte doesn’t much bother covering her wide yawn as she slumps back against her pillows. She stretches out her tired muscles and eventually settles limp while staring blankly at the outline of the ceiling. A part of her wonders if this is one of those embarrassing moments where she’s managed to scare herself awake again, but the other part is much too proud to even admit to that even being a thing that happens in the first place.

Her tired eyes eventually begin to drift shut and her breathing begins to slow as she feels herself drifting back off into the world of sleep. It’s only a few moments of peace that she’s able to enjoy before she’s jerking back into consciousness by a noise coming from across the room. This time, Charlotte sits up fully in bed and her eyes narrow as she continues to listen hard for the noise. She doesn’t have to listen long before there’s a scraping sound and a muted thump she identifies as being on the other side of her door.

Resigning that this must be what woke her up the first time, Charlotte is carefully sliding out of bed to head towards the door ready to handle who or whatever the hell is on the other side. A brief and blurry glance towards the clock on the nightstand let her know it’s somewhere around the middle of the night and the very last thing she wants to be assed with is company right now.

Instead of just throwing the door open, she pauses long enough to peer through the peephole and immediately her face contorts into a look of worry. “Christ…” she huffs quietly before she’s quickly undoing the locks. Swinging the door open, she just barely manages to get her arms up in time to catch the woman who had been previously leaning against it. “Jesus Becky!”

“Not Jesus Becky…just Becky…”

Charlotte’s eyes narrow and she steadies Becky on her feet enough for them both to retreat back into the room. She still finds herself rubbing some of the sleep away from her eyes as she opts to turn on the overhead light, and when she does, she’s immediately wincing as she’s getting a much clearly look at her friend. Her eyes are dark underneath, her cheeks are flushed, and her hair is a little damp from the way it’s sticking to her face.

“Why are you wet? Is it raining?” Charlotte’s nose then immediately scrunches up. “Are you drunk?”

Becky shakes her head. “I’m not drunk…” she mumbles, swaying a little bit on her feet before she has enough wherewithal to lean against a counter to stay upright. “But I’ve definitely had a few.”

Charlotte is slowly shaking her head as she retreats to her bathroom for a few seconds. She’s soon returning with a towel that she’s immediately tossing in Becky’s direction. She watches for a few moments while her friend dries off before she even dares to ask those dreaded two words. “What happened?”

Becky shakes her head once again and absently stares at the towel in her hands before she’s shrugging. “I don’t know…” she mumbles, the words nearly getting lost even in the quiet of the room. “Did I wake you?”

“I was up anyway…” Charlotte mumbles even though she knows that Becky might be able to figure out that she’s definitely lying. “Not that I mind the visit, because you know you’re always welcome. It just…raises a few flags when you show up in the rain smelling like the bottle.”

“I’m not drunk…” Becky mumbles again.

“Well certainly not for lack of trying…”

“Charlie…”

Charlotte sighs quietly and takes a seat on the edge of her bed. She leans back on her hands while she simply continues to study Becky in silence. Her eyebrows furrow just slightly as she takes in the pained expression that’s just barely hidden under the absent and almost glazed over gaze. Charlotte doesn’t have to ask what happened anymore. Hell, she really didn’t need to ask to begin with, but now? To an extent, she definitely knows.

“Did something happen with Sasha?”

Becky physically winces at the question. It feels like she’s been stabbed in the chest hours ago and the question only serves to drive the blade even deeper. She opens her mouth to respond, but any attempt soon fades away as she’s just left nodding absently. Her hands absently pick at the cloth material of the towel in her hand as she finds herself unable to lift her head and match Charlotte’s gaze.

Charlotte lets out a quiet puff of air as she tries to mentally gauge how she should proceed next. After her impromptu talk with Sasha that lead to a subsequent impromptu confession and explanation, Charlotte had been left with the pieces of the puzzle and the picture as reference. Now, she’s slowly been putting things together and her own pace, and what she’s most become in tune with is the fact that all her friends are hurting and there’s very little she can do about it. Not that it’s her place to try and fix things, she knows that’s a feat well beyond the realm of possibility, but as far as simply being there, she’s sure she can at least accomplish that without exactly getting in the way or overstepping.

“She told me she talked to you about what happened…” Becky states quietly.

“Sasha told me how she was feeling because that’s what I asked of her. Now, I’m gonna ask you the same thing,” Charlotte pauses before proceeding gently. “Becks, how are _you_ feeling?”

If it were possible, Becky’s shoulders droop even more. “You got a paper you can take notes on? It might be a list,” she laughs bitterly before it morphs into a sad sigh. “It’s a lot of things, Charlie. So many things that I’m not sure that I can put a name to, or maybe I’m just too afraid to put a name to them.”

“I’m not…proud of what I did. We shouldn’t have… _I_ shouldn’t have taken advantage like that,” Becky tilts her head while rubbing at the back of her neck. “I’ve just…I’ve loved her for so long, Charlie. For so fucking long she’s been the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night. It’s always been her. It’s always gonna be her.”

Charlotte blinks sadly and her own voice drops to a whisper. “Becky…”

“I know. It’s wrong. You told me it’s wrong when I confessed I still had feelings for her. When you told me that, I knew I couldn’t…I couldn’t tell you about everything else. Because it’s wrong and I know it is, and it’s one of the biggest regrets I’m gonna have for the rest of my life because…because I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t wanna stop. I didn’t want to take it back, because for the first time I told myself I was happy. I told myself I could be happy because if I could just have her…just for a _little_ _bit_ then it would be enough.”

“Then I did…I got to have her and I thought I got to feel what I’ve been begging for after so long. I just…I didn’t think about anything else. I _couldn’t_ think about anything else! Because she wasn’t happy and…I wanted to do that for her, Char. I wanted to make her happy. I _needed_ to! Because then…then maybe she would see. Maybe she would see _me_.”

Charlotte doesn't move or say anything as her eyes slowly begin to track Becky as she begins to pace. She’s known pretty early on about Becky’s feelings. Hell, she might’ve been the only one besides Becky herself who knew about them pretty early on. She hadn’t even had to ask all those years ago. Instead, she had sat by quietly hoping that her dense bunch of friends could figure things out for themselves, but apparently life had other plans for that at the time.

Taking a deep breath, she finds a small opening so she can interject with a question. “Becky, what happened, _tonight_?”

Still pacing, Becky laughs bitterly and shakes her head. “I wanted to show her. I wanted to take her out and show her I can do it. I can be the one who treats her like a princess. Like she deserves to be treated,” she trails off and takes a deep breath. “We went for dinner. She was so, _so_ upset I just wanted to see her smile again. I wanted to do that.”

“Oh Becks…” Charlotte groans quietly.

“I wanted to spoil her and just _show_ her.”

“You wanted to show her or show everyone else?”

Becky blinks and stops her pacing before she’s spinning around and leveling Charlotte with a small glare. “What? You think I wanted to go out and parade her around like she’s some consolation prize!? Seriously!? I’m not Bayley!”

Charlotte holds up her hands and quickly shakes her head as she can literally feel Becky’s energy begin to charge the room. “I’m not saying you are. That’s…that’s not what I meant.”

“She wouldn’t even take my hand, Charlie! It’s like…like she was embarrassed to even be with me at that moment!”

“Becky, you’ve gotta…”

“Then Bayley! God, fucking Bayley. This is where it circles back, right? Always fucking Bayley!” Becky’s following laugh is dark and mirthless as she grips her hair tight. “For a year we were…we were together. We were intimate and that’s all I had. That’s all I had Charlie, and she told me I had that. Turns out I didn’t even have that because the day she left was also the day she let Bayley…” she trails off completely and slowly shakes her head as her eyes fall downcast to the floor. “It was all I had…”

Charlotte sighs quietly before she’s rising to her feet. She wraps a hand around Becky’s wrist before she’s dragging her towards the edge of the bed where she all but forces her to take a seat. Just as she takes a seat of her own, there’s a strangled sob, and she recognizes the exact moment her friend loses the internal war she was having with her own emotions. Chewing her lip nervously, she tightly grips Becky’s shoulder.

“I’m not going to pretend to know exactly what you’re feeling right now, because there isn’t going to be a way for me to know that,” she pauses and mulls her words over gently as she keeps her grip on Becky.

Becky’s teeth clench and her shoulders shake uncontrollably as the harder she fights against the sobs, the higher they fight back. Her voice cracks as she drops her head into her hands, burying her palms deep into her eyes. “I’ve tried so hard for a year. I’ve given her everything and now it…it feels like I don’t have anything. Like she looks at me and she has no idea who I am or what we are anymore.”

Charlotte takes a deep breath and nods before she remembers that Becky can’t exactly see her right now. “Becks I…I think right now the both of you need to sit down and figure out where you are. From what it looks like, things are moving kinda fast and for Sasha…she doesn’t handle things well like that. I know how much you care about her and I can’t even imagine how it must feel right now, but…Becky I think she needs time.” 

“I don’t know what to do!” Becky exclaims shakily. “I’ve been trying. I’m trying _so_ hard I don’t know what else I can do.”

Charlotte recognizes the tears as tears of frustration and exhaustion. Knowing right in this moment, nothing she said will alleviate any of the pain, she still proceeds to offer the comfort she can. “I’m sorry Becks…” she whispers quietly while giving another squeeze to her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

* * *

_***Flashback*** _

“Hey.”

Becky jumps slightly as she hadn’t even heard the door to the locker room open. She flushes slightly as she feels like she’s been caught in a rather compromising position even though the only thing she was doing was daydreaming. Still, considering who she was daydreaming about, she may as well be compromised.

“Hiya,” she grins back as she continues to wrap her wrists.

She tries to keep her eyes from wandering, but she’s sure she’s failing miserably as before her is her favorite person in her favorite gear of all time. It’s white with splashes of orange intricately woven in. Becky has seen it up close plenty of times, but each and every time it never fails to take her breath away. She can’t think of a single gear that’s bad now that she thinks of it, but this one by far is her absolute favorite. There’s just…something celestial about it.

Sasha raises an eyebrow and smirks before angling her head to the side. “Your nerves can’t be that bad that you’re already zoning out like that.”

Blinking rapidly, Becky shakes her head and clears her throat. “No, I mean. They might be. It’s kinda a big match for me, ya know?”

Sasha hums and steps further into the room where she joins Becky by the locker cubbies. “You’re gonna do great. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Oh, I’ve got plenty to worry about,” Becky laughs nervously. “Asuka is…dude it’s _Asuka_.”

“Mhm, and she’s just like everyone else you’ve gotten in the ring with.”

“Damn, I wish I lived in your world.”

Sasha rolls her eyes and gives Becky’s shoulder a slight swat before she’s resting her hand there gently. “No, I mean, I know she’s tough, but you can’t get into your own head about how tough she is before you’re even in the ring with her. You’ve gotta go in thinking she’s just like everybody else. Otherwise, you’ll get lost in your own head before the bell even rings.”

Becky’s laugh is shaky, but she’s unsure if it’s from her nerves or the fact that Sasha is still absently rubbing her shoulder. “You’re right. I’m just…this is a big chance for me too and I guess that’s got me a little bit out of sorts. I mean, imagine if I get a pin on her? She’s the champ, Sash. That could mean somethin’.”

“It definitely could, and it will when you beat her.”

“Yeah. Maybe if I beat her, it’ll be like…I deserve a shot or somethin’, ya know?” Becky sighs and shakes her head quickly. “Anyway, you’ve been in there with her a bunch, right? Got any tips or pointers for me?”

Sasha hums quietly as her eyebrows furrow in recollection. “With Asuka, she’s kind of…the whole package. She’s fast and she hits like a fucking truck. I’m always faster than she is and that’s how I make time to throw her off. You…well…you’re kinda slow.” She’s interrupted as Becky scoffs and nudges her with her elbow before she continues on while laughing. “I’m serious! I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m just saying you have to rely on something else. You have to be the one to set the pace of the match early on. Don’t let her try to speed it up. You’ve lost as soon as you let her start leading, so you gotta remember to stay ahead. Oh! Those kicks of hers? Fucking deadly. She’ll knock your lights out if she catches you with one of those; spoken from experience. My best advice for you is, try to keep her off her feet and focus on her limbs. It’ll make it harder for her to catch you in her finisher.”

Becky nods along with eyes widened in interest while she mentally retains everything she’s been told. At one point she had to snap herself out of it as she found her eyes wandering down to gaze at Sasha’s lips while she had been talking. For so long, she had wondered just what it would be like, what it would _feel_ like, if she just stepped a little closer and closed the distance between them. The truth of the matter is, Becky doesn’t need to wonder, because she knows. She’s gotten a taste of what she’s sought after for so long. 

The night in Sasha’s apartment has been something that’s played on repeat in her mind every single day since it happened. A wave of overwhelming guilt washes over her as she screams at herself for having such thoughts. It’s something that happened once between the two of them and it hasn’t been much talked about since. On the forefront, they’ve both brushed it off and have proceeded as normal in relation to their friendship. At least that’s the way it seems. Becky knows the truth. The truth of how she so badly wants to take Sasha into her arms and kiss her senseless to show her how much she means to her and perhaps maybe even a little bit for good luck. She wants to bring back the intimacy of that night so bad, but she can’t, because she knows how wrong and unacceptable that is. How…low that is on her part to even be thinking such a thing about someone who’s taken, much less her own best friend.

“Becks, you good?”

Becky quickly blinks herself back into existence. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, Sash. I ah, that’s good stuff really…” she awkwardly rubs at the back of her neck. “You’ll be watching, right?”

“Always. Wouldn’t miss it.” Sasha beams as she allows herself to be pulled into a hug. “We’ll be rooting for you.”

Becky’s throat bobs just a bit, and she manages to nod. She slips into her jacket and gives Sasha a cheesy grin before she’s slipping out of the locker room. As she’s heading towards the stage, her grin flits and falters just a bit before she’s shaking her head out of it and getting herself into the headspace for what’s probably one of the biggest matches of her career.

* * *

Becky is sure that she’s never sweated like this before in her life. Her teeth grit tightly as her eyes are burning from the salt, but she doesn’t let up. She can’t let up. Not when she’s spent the past however long working her body and her mind to its brink to lead up to this very moment.

This is probably the longest and most brutal one on one match she’s ever had in her life. Her body aches in places that she didn’t even know were possible and if she had the time to think about it, she’s sure she would shudder to imagine the bruises she’s going to find popping up later. There’s no time for thinking though. Not when she’s so close. Not when she’s this damn close.

The quick cadence on the match is louder for Becky than any audience could be. As the bell rings, she releases Asuka’s arm immediately and she finds herself rolling onto her back to catch her breath. Her heart is pounding so loud in her ears as she barely even manages to drag herself up by the ropes long enough for the ref to raise her arm.

_“Here is your winner! Becky Lynch!”_

Becky feels like her fucking chest is about to cave in. The crowd is _loud_ and she can practically feel the vibrations from it beneath her feet. With her heart still racing, she lifts her arm once more on her own accord while leaning into one of the ring corners to steady herself. She hadn’t much registered her own music anyway following the conclusion of the match, but she certainly takes note when things suddenly change.

Looking towards the top of the ramp, Becky frowns slightly as she watches Bayley appear on the stage with Sasha’s hand in her right and a familiar white briefcase in her left. Even from here, Becky can see that Sasha looks a little perplexed and it isn’t until Bayley is dropping Sasha’s hand and jogging quickly towards the ring, does Becky actually get it.

Dragging a shaky hand through her hair, Becky watches as everything seems to happen way to quick for her to comprehend. Bayley is sliding into the ring and practically shoving the briefcase into the chest of the ref, shouting something nearly unintelligible as she points to ringside. The ref quickly nods his head and hands the briefcase off to the announcer.

_“Ladies and Gentlemen, Bayley is cashing in her Money in the Bank contract!”_

The bell rings and forgotten in the corner, Becky can only watch as Bayley plants Asuka face first onto the canvas. The three count that follows seems to happen in slow motion as Bayley has Asuka’s leg hooked like her life depends on it. When the bell rings again, to Becky, it’s much louder than it actually is.

_“Here is your winner!”_

Becky finds herself needing to take a deep breath.

_“And the new Smackdown Women’s Champion! Bayley!”_

Becky takes the opportunity to carefully slip out of the ring because she knows the cameras aren’t on her. As she’s making her way up the ramp, she looks up long enough to see Bayley hoist the belt high before she’s kissing Sasha square on the mouth. She finds herself quickly looking away as the image drives yet another blade deep into her chest.

From there, Becky has made it a point to change and dress quickly as she isn’t in the mood to be social for the rest of the night. She’s exhausted and a little hungry, and the last thing she wants or needs is for anyone to get in the way of her bed and the one-of-everything pizza she plans on ordering. What she doesn’t expect is to quite literally run into Sasha on her way towards the parking lot.

“Christ Sash!”

“Sorry! Sorry, I’ve just…I’ve been looking for you.”

Becky tries not to read too much into anything. Especially not after their night together in Sasha’s apartment and especially not after tonight. Still, she somehow manages to force a smile to her face. “Well, here I am. Shouldn’t you be off celebrating?”

“No I…she’s getting the plates changed right now and after that she has pictures and…” Sasha sighs and shakes her head. “Becky, I had no idea she was gonna do that. I really didn’t. One minute we’re watching your match and then she’s dragging me towards the stage and I…I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no. It’s fine. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“No, because that match…that was your moment and…”

“It’s fine. That’s what the briefcase is for right? Anytime? Any place? Can’t blame her for that. Either one of us would’ve done the same thing.”

Sasha falls silent as she appears to be searching for something. Their gaze lingers just a little too much past comfortable and it’s almost as if they are on the same thought train and wavelength as they’re eventually left looking away bashfully.

“I’m sorry…”

The words are whispered so quiet that Becky nearly missed them. They’re left spoken in such a way that a tiny part of Becky is left unsure of what exactly the apology is for. Taking a deep breath, she pulls Sasha into a quick side hug and offers her a smile. “Don’t worry about it,” she forces her grin to widen. “Go celebrate. I’m sure she’s waiting for you right now.”

Sasha’s mouth opens, but she doesn’t much get to say anything as Becky is giving her hand a squeeze before she’s heading off towards the parking lot. She’s left staring at the spot Becky previously occupied while she’s nervously chewing her lip. She tilts her head back and takes a deep breath.

“Becks, wait!” when Becky hesitates before stopping to turn towards her, she finds herself needing to take another breath. She quickly minimizes the distance between the two of them before they’re nearly standing nose to nose. Sasha works her mouth a few times before she’s ducking her head. “She…usually likes to stay out for a while and celebrate after big wins. She knows I don’t really care for it and so it wouldn’t be…I…can I come over later?”

Becky’s mouth falls open and the only thing she’s left to do is search Sasha’s eyes. She’s met with a look she’s only seen once before, and it scares her…because it was _that_ night. Swallowing thickly, she’s unable to find her words as she’s only left to nod her head.

* * *

_***Present*** _

Sasha hasn’t much slept anyway, but that doesn’t stop the sound of the door opening and closing quickly from startling her out of her staring match with the blank screen of the television. She sits up further in bed as she watches Becky shrugging out of her jacket. She’s left biting her tongue as she’s not entirely sure what she should say if anything at all.

“Didn’t know you’d be awake…” Becky mumbles as she tosses her jacket into a near by chair.

“I…didn’t really sleep much. I was worried about you.” Sasha casts a glance towards the windows where the light is just barely seeping into the room through the curtains. “What time is it?”

Becky shrugs and risks a glance at her watch. “Just a little past eight…” she sighs quietly. “I went for a walk and ended up at Charlotte’s.”

Sasha bites her lip before nodding slowly. She hesitates with her words for a long moment before she bites the bullet. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t trying to…I didn’t mean to…”

“I shouldn’t have asked,” Becky cuts in quickly. “You didn’t want to and I…shouldn’t have asked. I just thought…actually I don’t know what I thought, but it doesn’t matter now.”

“What do you mean ‘it doesn’t matter’?” Sasha’s eyes narrow just a fraction.

Becky takes a deep breath and drags a hand through her hair. “I mean…you and me, we’ve gotta start somewhere. Somewhere else other than where we did, because…” trailing off, she frowns as her gaze falls to the floor. She closes her eyes and mentally prepares herself for what she’s going to say next. “I have to ask you…I have to, because I need to know. I need to know where we’re going and I _need_ you to talk to me and I need to know what you need. If I’m being a total idiot about this, then can you just tell me? Otherwise, I just…I really need to know…” 

Even while talking, she finds herself needing to release an immense amount of air. When she opens her eyes and they lock with Sasha’s, she’s suddenly transported back to the training center when they met for the first time. Only this time, Becky forces herself to not look away.

“Sasha, do you love me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got longer than expected so I had to break this up into two parts T_T big off
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yikers....Lucky Number 13 :3

Sasha has only been asked the question once before, and once before she found herself quick and ready with a response. Now, given the circumstances, she’s left stunned and rooted to her spot on the bed. Instinctively, her hands grip the sheets tight and her gaze briefly falls down to the small mountain created by her knees being pulled so close to her chest. When she looks back up, her eyes immediately land on Becky who is standing rigid in the exact same spot she had initially stuck to once entering the room.

The sigh Sasha releases is the feeling of vacating the tension of a long since coiled spring. She forces her hands to remain steady as she pulls the blankets back to slide out of bed. The carpet feels like ice against her bare feet as she crosses the room while working her best to maintain eye contact with Becky and the closer that Sasha nears, she can see how much the other woman is actually shaking. Pausing, she reaches up and rests her hand on the side of Becky’s face.

“Sasha…” the way her name is whispered nearly causes her to flinch, but she doesn’t.

“Of course, I do…”

“Then…then why can’t you say it?”

The breath Sasha takes is shaky and uneven. So much so, it nearly catches in her throat on the way out. _‘Saying it means cementing it…’_ those are the words that swirl around loudly in her mind in big bright neon blinking letters, but she doesn’t say it. She _can’t_ say it. Not with the way Becky is watching her. The same way she’s _always_ watching her. With too much care, vulnerability, and all the love and patience in the world. There are times where Sasha hates her for it. Hates her for being so willing to give, give, and give and not expect anything in return. Hates her for being the _life_ that Sasha has sought after for so long and she was too young and too foolish and too _afraid_ all those years ago to actually fight for her own happiness, while instead resorting to a life of misguided complacency disguised as love. Hates her for…she hates Becky for not hating _her_. 

Perhaps hate is the wrong word, but right now, it’s the only one that makes sense. It’s the only one that stands out in prominent black and white against the swirling grey background. It’s the only one she can pinpoint because it’s a word she’s been so familiar with for so long and the past several years have done absolutely nothing but cement to her what she’s known to be true for some time now. Everything she’s every ran into has had a single common denominator. Every abandoned date, every hook up…every relationship. They’ve all had one thing in common other than the fact that they’ve all ended and ended terribly at that. That one _singular_ thing they’ve all had in common…now that? _That_ is what she’s grown to hate.

“Sasha…?”

This time, hearing her name causes her to flinch, but only because she was legitimately startled. She hadn’t even realized she’d allowed her thoughts to rip her out of reality and when she returns, she’s met with that same look. That same. Fucking. Look.

“Why do you always look at me like that?” She hadn’t given her mouth permission to ask the question, but this time, she’s not scrambling to take it back.

Becky blinks owlishly for several moments as if she’s mentally processing each word and trying to connect it to a meaning piece by piece. When she eventually draws a blank, she’s left shaking her head slowly. “I don’t know what you…” she trails off, frowning slightly when she realizes her question had only been answered with a question, but as it seems Sasha is so clearly trying to work something out, she doesn’t say anything. “Like what?”

“Like _that_ ,” Sasha emphasizes, taking a half step to put enough space between them for her to fold in on herself. She hugs herself tightly and shakes her head while looking away. “Like you see the world. Like you never want anything from me. You’re never…you’ve never expecting anything. Why?”

The question causes Becky’s frown to deepen and her eyes fall downcast as she’s mentally evaluating the line of questioning. To her it all makes sense and it’s something she didn’t think she really had to explain. Looking at the pained look bordering on the realm of confusion marring Sasha’s face leaves her with even more questions of her own.

Clearing her throat, she moves closer, recovering that half step of distance that Sasha had put between them. “Because I don’t want anything _from_ you,” she reaches her hand out and holds it there patiently. “Sash, I’ve told you time and time again, that I don’t want anything from you. I just want you as… _you_.”

Sasha glances down at the hand that’s being held between them before she slowly shakes her head. “You’ll grow to hate me.”

“Why do you keeps saying that?”

“Because it’s true!”

Sasha’s sudden exclamation causes Becky to jump just a bit and she’s left with her hand falling back to her side. As she finds herself once again searching through Sasha’s internal battle, she finds that same hand slowly closing into a fist. She licks her lips before finding her voice enough to speak up through the somehow screaming silence.

“What did she do to you?”

The question causes Sasha to freeze and she frowns before her head is snapping in Becky’s direction. “What?”

Becky slowly shakes her head. “I mean…what did she do to you?”

“I-I don’t know what that means—”

“—Sasha, what did she do?”

“She didn’t do anything! I was the one who—”

“Is that what she said?”

“Can you stop making this about her!?”

Becky’s mouth falls shut with a click while she clenches and unclenches her hands. “When wasn’t this about her? All of this,” she pauses to gesture towards Sasha. “All of this has been about her and what she did. Tell me what she did, Sasha.”

Feeling her jaw tremble against her own consent, Sasha finds herself screaming internally. She tightly clamps her teeth together in an attempt to cease the trembling, but it only sends the shockwaves all the way down to her hands. Tears leak but settle just underneath her eyelids while she gets lost in a thousand yard stare that’s settled just over Becky’s shoulder.

“Sasha…”

“I don’t know…” Shaking her head almost absently, Sasha’s mouth falls open and stays that way when her glassy eyes finally find Becky’s once again. “I don’t know, but…it was my fault.”

Becky’s eyebrows furrow together as she once again finds herself making up for the distance Sasha has been so dead set on keeping between the two of them. This time, she finds herself slightly thankful as Sasha manages to stay rooted to the spot. Her mind is working overtime as she’s scrambling to find what exactly ‘it’ is and where it all might have started. Based on everything she’s seen, she has a bit of an idea, but never had enough to make any solid guesses, statements, or claims. The only thing she’s ever had to go one was the trembling woman standing just out of her arms’ reach. 

Feeling Becky inch closer, Sasha begins shaking her head quickly. “Becky, I-I’m sorry,” she shakes her head even faster as Becky’s arms come to wrap around her waist. She finds herself trying to retreat into herself and inch away, but her actions only seems to cause Becky’s hold to gently tighten just enough to keep her in place. “Becky please. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Becky’s voice is low but firm as her grip remains in place even as Sasha continues to push against her shoulders.

“I want to…” _‘I want to say it. I want to.’_ Sasha feels herself almost weakening as all of the fight leaves her and is replaced by limp acts of desperation. She’s not even trying to get away anymore and she allows herself to be pulled closer. “I’m sorry…I’m so fucking sorry.”

Becky can only nod as she gently guides Sasha onto her shoulder while she continues to sob. She gently tangles her fingers into her hair while she keeps her arms tight well enough to keep Sasha upright. She’s well aware she didn’t verbally receive the answer to her question, but there’s a glint left in her eye leaving that as the last thing on her mind right now.

* * *

_***Flashback*** _

The loud and audible sigh is enough to cause Sasha to nearly flinch as she enters the room first. She reactively finds herself biting the inside of her cheek as the door closes behind her, though she makes no room to turn around. Instead she’s left searching around her hotel room for something, _anything_ , that could serve as a device to hide her from the rest of the world at least for the time being.

“Sash, I don’t get why you’re being this weird about it.”

She finds her eyes slipping closed as her mind genuinely searches itself for a response. “I’m not being weird about anything,” it’s probably the firmest she’s been the entire night and she finds her eyebrows furrowing in genuine confusion as she rounds about towards the source of the inquiry.

Bayley still stands leaning against the door with her hands in her pockets while she shrugs. “I mean, yeah you kinda are. You spent the night pulling away from me.”

“Stop, it wasn’t like that. I was just...” Sasha pauses for collect herself before she’s sighing quietly. “Do we have to? Like that? Right now?”

This time it’s Bayley who frowns though she doesn’t move from her spot by the door. Instead she continues to watch Sasha closely. If one were standing close enough, they could see a sudden glint that passes over her eyes, but it’s gone so quick one could be easily lulled into thinking it was nothing more than a figment if their imagination. Instead, the look is replaced by a confusion of her own as she once again shrugs her shoulders.

“I don’t know what you mean by that, Sasha.”

Huffing quietly, Sasha resorts to wrapping her arms tightly around her middle. “I mean the everything. The kissing, the...all of that in front of everybody.”

Bayley’s hands fall from her pockets and she’s straightening up against the door. “Sash, we’re dating. That kinda stuffs normal,” she shakes her head slowly. “And it wasn’t ‘in front of everybody’ we were literally just out with Charlotte and Becky. Sasha, what’s going on?”

“Nothing I’m just...this is all just a little new and I guess I just was a little taken by surprise.”

This time, Bayley actually moves. She’s slowly crossing the room, closing the distance between them before she’s loosely wrapping her arms around Sasha’s waist to draw her in even closer. She ducks her head just enough to properly seize Sasha’s eye contact. “Hey, look at me. You’re not changing your mind, are you? Having second thoughts?”

Sasha finds herself wondering if she’s even been having _first_ thoughts, much less second ones. Their relationship, in the romantic sense, is still rather young and they...well at least _she_ is still left trying to adjust and adapt to everything being so new. So far they haven’t ran into any issues. The quiet dates they’ve had here and there has actually served to bring her out of the dark pit she’s found herself being halfway buried in for god knows how long. It’s been nice to have someone there who listens to her and values her and over all _cares_. She rationalizes that perhaps that’s why she’s been left to feel incredibly twisted about their most recent evening out. She’s just been so content in their little bubble of being left to just _be_.

Perhaps that’s been her problem the whole time. She’s been so caught up in her own seclusion that she got stuck in the world’s worst game of round robin when it comes to every expectation she’s ever had. Maybe things have turned out with the same result over and over again because _she_ was the one that refuses to change? Refuse to except change and step out of her comfort zone. Maybe...maybe now it’s time she finally make that change.

“I’m not having second thoughts,” is what Sasha finally days having resigned that she’s argued enough in her head. There’s a small smile at her lips as she reaches up to grasp the arms holding her in place.

Bayley’s look of expectancy is replaced by a lazy grin. “Good, ‘cause I really want this. You and me? We make a good team, always have. This isn’t gonna be any different.”

Sasha nods and accepts the kiss that’s placed on her lips. It’s chaste and brief, and leaves a tiny smile on her face when she pulls away but keeps their foreheads pressed together. Chewing her lip a little nervously, she reaches up and gently cups Bayley’s face. “I’m sorry...for before and for now. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I didn’t wanna be with you. I just...I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad about it or anything,” Bayley leans in once more, this time opting to place press her lips to Sasha’s cheek while she grins into the kiss. “Becky and Char seemed to take it well.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s just as new for them as it is for us, huh?”

“True. Guess it wouldn’t have made much sense for them to take it badly or whatever. They _should_ be happy for us. I’m happy for us.”

Sasha bites her lip again and for a moment she appears to be lost in thought. She quickly recovers while shaking her head and managing a tiny smile. “I’m happy too...”

Her mind drifts back to the dinner only a handful of hours prior. The dinner where they had officially announced their relationship to their closest friends. They had both offered their smiles and well wishes, but Sasha couldn’t help but feel like something was just off. She had originally chalked it up to her own initial discomfort at Bayley’s arm around her waist the whole time. She could be exaggerating in her mind the way Charlotte would continuously look between the two of them or the way Becky had gone practically silent for most of dinner. Surely things couldn’t have been that disproportionate.

“Hey...”

Once again, Sasha finds herself brought out of her thoughts to the feeling of Bayley gently brushing her hair away from her forehead. “Hi...”

Bayley playfully rolls her eyes while lightly brushing the side of Sasha’s face with her fingertips. “You’re my girl, Sash. We’re gonna work. We always have.”

Sasha’s smile is something akin to a shy giddiness. This time, when Bayley goes to kiss her, she reciprocates deeply. Her hands come up to tangle in dark hair while she finds herself guided backwards until she’s seated on the edge of her bed. She allows herself to be pressed into the mattress while she welcomes the temporary euphoric feeling of familiarity.

* * *

_***Present*** _

Sasha finds herself taking much needed deep breaths as she faces herself in her mirror. Nerves are swirling in the pit of her stomach for reasons she can’t quite place. Or maybe she can place them and she’s much to apprehensive to admit it, otherwise that would manifest them into reality and when things are put into reality well...then they fall at risk of being damaged.

‘Legit Boss’ she laughs bitterly as she looks down and feels her own ring set taunting her. ‘Legit’ is a term that only deals in absolutes. Guaranteed to be damn good beyond the realm of argumentation. ‘Boss’ implies authority. The one calling the shots and otherwise without a shadow of a doubt, in control. Together, the two words should come together to create an entity of high status, power, and dominance. They should elevate past the atmosphere to create something of a legend.

That’s what they _should_ do.

Instead, to Sasha, it’s become a mockery. A complete antithesis to who she is. Almost something’s that’s become...foreign and forgotten to the point where she’s struggling to remember a time where she’s felt like _that_. A time where she’s been the one in control. A time where she’s felt...like herself.

To Sasha, of to no fault of anyone but her own and that’s something she’s damned herself to live with. Her mind keeps traveling back to just one night prior where Becky had held her as she cried well into the night and didn’t even say a word. She didn’t have to. She just laid there curled around Sasha while her body wracked itself with sobs on until morning. It doesn’t take a genius to know that neither of them got any proper sleep that night.

The guilt begins to settle in as she begins to question herself as to why she found it increasingly difficult to breathe the more she thought about Becky’s question. How when she thinks back on it she realizes that Becky is absolutely right. She _hasn’t_ said it. The sad truth of the matter is, it’s not because she doesn’t or won’t ever feel the same. The truth is…she just _can’t_.

Grinding her teeth, she slides her rings off her fingers and tosses them carelessly across the countertop. They skid and land on the floor with a thump and Sasha disapprovingly glances down at them as if they continue to mock her from the floor. She doesn’t make a move to retrieve them. She only continues to stare coldly at the inanimate objects as if they’re taunts are loud enough to break the silence of the room.

What ultimately breaks the silence is the sound of her door opening and closing quickly. Sasha’s gaze shifts from the floor to the mirror and her eyes widen considerably. Almost as if it’s an instinct, she finds herself tensing even as she manages to quickly spin around. Swallowing thickly for a moment, she’s just barely able to find her voice.

“Why…why are you in here?”

Bayley doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, she shrugs her shoulders before leaning lackadaisically against the door. Her hands casually come to rest at the blue belt secured around her waist and for a long time she just watches. For a split second, her eyes dart around the room as if she’s looking for something, but eventually they come back to land on Sasha who still stands frozen by the vanity. The corner of her mouth tugs up just a fraction as she shrugs again.

“Figured you’d be in here cozying it up with your new plaything,” Bayley tilts her head just a fraction. “Kinda figured this would be her prime hiding spot, but I guess I was wrong again. Tell me something, Sasha. When’s she…gonna stop running from me?”

Immediately, Sasha frowns and her face contorts into something of a disgusted grimace. “The last thing she’s doing is running from you. If anything, she’s trying to stay away from your drama. We both are.”

Bayley’s eyebrows raise and her mouth forms into a perfect ‘o’ right before she starts laughing. “My drama? That’s cute coming from you, Sash, really it is. Tell me again, how’s it _my_ drama when you’re the one that was cheating? Explain that, Sasha. Explain to me how _I’m_ the one being dramatic when you were the one stepping out?”

“I’m not doing this with you again,” Sasha makes a move to cross the room towards the door but finds herself stopped dead in her tracks as Bayley makes no attempt to move from where she’s blocking it. Sasha tilts her head up just a fraction as she finds her glare hardening. “Move.”

“Where’s Lynch?”

“What’s it matter? You’ve got a match with her anyway.”

“You’re hiding her now?”

Sasha clicks her tongue and shakes her head while putting a respectable distance between the two of them. “I already told you she’s got nothing to hide from. Neither do I. You and me? There’s nothing here anymore, Bayley.”

There’s a slight tick in Bayley’s jaw and for a brief moment she’s left shifting on her feet. The fleeting look is soon gone, replaced by a full on smirk. “If you’ve got nothing to hide from, how come you’re still sneaking around with her? Aren’t you proud, Sasha? Aren’t you _happy_?”

“I am happy. Happier than I ever was or ever could be with you.”

Bayley scoffs and rolls her eyes. “I am the best thing to ever happen to you and you know that. Where was Becky to spread her sunshine when you were crying all those nights when nobody else wanted you? Who was that holding you night after night listening when no one else would? Who was that, huh? Tell me who it was Sasha.”

Sasha can only continue to share her head while she feels her throat begin to tighten. “You need to go…”

“It was me, wasn’t it? I _loved_ you—”

“You didn’t love me—”

“I did! I loved you and you just took all of that…took everything I ever did for you and just threw it away for what?” Bayley pauses to laugh mirthlessly while shaking her head in pity. “You threw it away for something and someone you can’t even bother to stand up and be proud of.”

The blow lands harder than it should and Sasha finds herself nearly physically rocked from the weight of the words. Even as she tries not to let it show, she knows she’s failed if Bayley’s malicious smirk that continues to widen is anything to go by. “I’m not ashamed to be with someone who’s ten times the woman you’ll ever be.”

Rising to her full height over Sasha, Bayley stares down at her for a long moment before holding her hands out in what appears to be display. “Then, where is she? She’s supposed to be this ten time whatever but, where is she? She’s yet to look me in my face and tell me why she did it. Why the both of you did it when you’re supposed to be the most important people in my fucking life.”

“The sooner you look in a mirror, the sooner you’ll figure out why,” this time it’s Sasha who scoffs as she tries to move past again. “Get out of my way. I have a match.”

“Why’d you do it?” Somehow, the next time Bayley asks is even more insistent as she sides steps just enough to prevent Sasha from slipping past her. They’re less than inches apart from one another and this is perhaps the closest they’ve been since everything went to shit. It’s volatile, it’s broken, and surely if a match were to be struck in the room right now, the results would prove to be catastrophic.

Aware of just how close they’ve become, Sasha bites her lip and picks a random spot in the door to stare at while she silent prayers for everything to just be over. “I don’t owe you anything.”

“It’s the opposite, actually. You owe me _everything_. Without me, where do you think you would’ve ended up, huh? I was helping you, Sasha.”

“You weren’t—”

“You _needed_ me, and by the looks of it now, you still do. How long before Lynch realizes just what a mess—”

Bayley doesn’t get to finish due to the sudden strike across her face. The slap was open palm, so it left more noise behind and it took of off guard more than anything else. Reactively, she straightens up quickly as if to retaliate, but she immediately relaxes when she’s able to see just a hint of uncertainty past Sasha’s steel walls. Laughing lowly, she swipes her thumb across her bottom lip, shaking her head when she sees just a small trace of blood left behind.

“I sure hope she’s worth it. For your sake.”

This time when the door opens, it doesn’t close. It’s left swinging open wildly nearly bouncing off the wall enough t startle Sasha out of her own unfocused gaze. When she comes to, she’s made aware of how tense she is, and she’s left to fight the tightness in her throat while staring down absently at her hands. It’s several moments before she finally takes a deep breath and rounds back towards her vanity to hopefully get into some sort of acceptable headspace for her match.

* * *

From her current corner in the ring, she doesn’t even realize how unfocused she is until the ref has to literally snap his fingers and wave in front of her face. The crowd has been nothing but a dull roar the entire time, and if Sasha is being completely honest, she’s unsure if she actually _did_ her entrance or if she simply floating her way down to the ring looking ghostlike for all the world to see.

“Banks, can you compete?”

Swallowing against a dry throat proves to feel like she’s swallowing glass. Just over the ref’s shoulder she catches the curious eye of her opponent, whereas even Carmella appears to be watching her with a tiny hinted layer of concern. Sasha isn’t feeling herself and anyone with damn eyeballs could see that, no matter how far up in the cheap seats they might be.

Shaking out her hands to hopefully cease their trembling, she gives what she hopes is a firm nod. “Yeah….yeah, I’m good.”

Taking her spot in her designated corner, Sasha locks gazes with her opponent once again and she nods quickly in response to a curt eyebrow raise. Her hands are clammy, and she finds herself flexing her fingers more than usual as the ref takes the center of the ring. Just as he lifts his arm to signal for the bell, music hits, the dynamic changes, and Sasha’s stomach drops so quick she’s left to feel like she wants to vomit.

The bell never rings, but Sasha immediately goes rigid. She straightens up and begins to pray to any god that will listen as she reluctantly angles her head towards the ramp. She winces when just out of the corner of her eye, Bayley opts to linger just at the base of the ramp. Sasha’s eyes briefly look to the sky and she releases a heavy breath to do everything she can not to make eye contact even as Bayley methodically makes her way around the ring towards the commentary table. Sasha doesn’t need to be looking directly to practically feel the other woman’s eyes burning straight through her.

Shaking her head, she opts to search for the little bit of focus she might have had before the interruption. As the ref has been content to wait for everything to calm down, he checks on both competitors one last time, before the bell sounds. To Sasha, the echo is much louder than it needed to be, and it’s everything she can do but to pray that she makes it through this match.

* * *

_“Bayley, you’ve got no stake in this match so…what’re you doing out here?”_

_“How can you ask the Champion that, Cole!? She can go wherever she wants!”_

The smirk that tugs at the corner of Bayley’s lips is tight and she barely glances at the two out of the corner of her eye while her gaze remains laser focused on the ring. “I think you should be a little more grateful I’m gracing you with my presence, Michael…” she pauses only for her smirk to widen just a fraction. “As for this match, well, you think I don’t have a stake. When you’re the champion, everyone’s an enemy. Nothing wrong with doing a little bird watching on my night off.”

Her thoughts are cut short by the sound of impact and the ahs of the crowd as Sasha meets the mat hard courtesy of a well placed arm drag. Their eyes meet for a brief moment and Bayley lifts her hand and wiggles her fingers in a slow but taunting wave. “See Michael, what you fail to understand is everyone is _jealous_ of my dominance. They’re jealous of the things I’ve been able to accomplish. Every now and again you just gotta remind them of that.”

_“Well spoken by the Champion. It’d do you some good to listen, Cole.”_

This match isn’t going to go down as one of Sasha’s best and once again, anyone with eyeballs could damn well see that. It’s been utterly amusing to Bayley who finds herself watching carefully as the instance of near fall after near fall seems to be plaguing Sasha every few seconds. Her eyebrows raise slightly as a superkick to be heard around the world levels Sasha in the very center of the ring.

_“So Bayley, you and Sasha used to be ah…close right?”_

_“Of course they were close! They were—”_

Bayley’s look immediately darkens and this time she does turn to give the two chirping men her full attention. Her glare is enough to silence them both and she lets it linger for a few solid moments before she’s relaxing back into her chair. “Close. You could say that,” she pauses and clicks her tongue. “You could also say that as of late she and I have found that we have more differences than we do similarities. You’d be surprised what you find out about the people you _think_ you know.”

_“Care to expand on that?”_

“Not particularly, no.” Shifting her belt over her shoulder, her grip involuntarily tightens on it while her much harsher gaze drifts back to the ring. “Let it be known though. Sasha Banks isn’t who you think she is. Sasha Banks is—”

From the ring, Sasha has currently found her footing in trying to wear Carmella down with a headlock when the crowd suddenly explodes. On instinct, her first move is to look back towards the ramp, but then her ears immediately pick up on the commotion at ringside. Her eyes snap towards the commentary table and her eyes immediately widen at the scene. Her gaze darts from Bayley’s overturned chair, to the way Bayley is grimacing and clutching at her neck, to the belt that has been strewn across the floor, all the way to Becky who is standing rigid having gone red all the way down to her neck.

Becky all but rips the headset off as she’s dragging Bayley to her feet momentarily before she’s sending her over the barricade into the crowd. The brawl spills out into the audience to a torrent of cheers, jeers, and chants that have become impossible to decipher. One can only imagine the onslaught of nonsensical nothingness spewing from commentary.

_“It’s Becky Lynch! Becky Lynch is attacking the champion!”_

_“This is outrageous! She can’t do that!”_

Sasha’s fingers as shaking as she uses the nearest rope to get to her feet. Her eyes flit frantically over the scene playing out much to the delight of everyone else for the sake of entertainment. She’s only left to mouth a silent _'becky…’_ and she’s left to immediately wince as Bayley rights herself enough to drive Becky kidney first into the barricade. Before she can even properly react to the action, her world does a sudden spin and she’s soon found herself stacked up onto her back.

_“1...2...3!”_

If it were possible, the bell sounding resonates with Sasha as if it were a lowly funeral toll. She doesn’t much care about the match. She doesn’t care much about the fact she isn’t getting her arm raised high. She can’t bring herself to do much of anything other than sit completely dumbfounded in the very center of the ring. Never in her entire life has she felt more useless than in this very moment. It’s all she can do but sit and watch helplessly as her past and present continue to go blow for blow and it’s in that moment that the stakes finally settle in. This is the first time she’s seen this, but it definitely wont be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is T R A S H. Just like a certain somebody in this fic. Ahem, anyway, would love to know your thoughts friends. To see if anything I was attempting to do actually landed T_T happy reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: BIG FUCKING OOF

_***Flashback*** _

The relaxed feeling in Sasha’s muscles is almost enough to draw her back into her blissful dreamland. The sheet are cool and soft against her skin and as she blinks her eyes open, she finds herself met with the brightly lit room due to the sun streaming in through the curtains. Normally such a sight would annoy her because it meant having to get up and start her day, but this? This means all the peace in the world.

A soft yawn slips past her lips as she stretches her arms above her head, arching her back as she relieves some of the satisfied aches left behind in her muscles from the night prior. As she sits up and leans against the headboard, her eyes tiredly slip closed as she vividly begins to relive the night before.

Soft kisses shared by the fireplace while dinner sat between them. Hands tracing her skin just above her waistband. Her own hands tangling into thick strands of hair while she arched closer into a warm mouth and skilled tongue. Dinner being forgotten as they ended up spread across the blanket on the floor. Laughing carelessly as a glass of wine had been knocked over. The tightness and subsequent release she had felt as she was brought to the edge and taken over at least twice before they even made it to the bedroom. The sheets. The friction between them. The call and response as her body seemed to react on its own to hands and lips and teeth. The strength. The care.

The security.

Sasha’s breath is shuddering as she goes to inhale. Just as she does, there’s a small creak if a door opening and she opens her eyes. On reflex, her hand comes up to run through her hair she just knows is a mess and a tired genuine smile slips to her lips.

“Hey.”

“Hey, mornin’” Becky beams back. For a moment, she completely forgets about the tray in her hands as she takes opportunity to admire the sleepy woman in her bed. Her heart begins to beat just a little faster and it’s everything she can do not to utter the word ‘wow’.

Sasha feels her cheeks begin to warm under Becky’s gaze and she can’t help but duck her head a little. “I um...woke up and you were gone.”

Becky nods absently before giving herself a mental shake. “Yeah! I woke up kinda early and I figured you’d might be hungry when you wake up so I...yeah,” she carefully sets the tray over Sasha’s Lao and joins her on the bed. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I made a little bit of everything.”

“Wonder how many times it took you to get this right,” Sasha giggles quietly as she takes in the perfectly golden and crisp waffle. “Last I checked, you had a habit of burning water.”

Becky rolls her eyes and blushes a little at the jab while she’s left mumbling. “This was my second try...” she mumbles quietly before leaning over to press a lingering kiss to Sasha’s cheek. She eventually settles on resting her chin on Sasha’s shoulder.

Sasha feels her stomach rumbling against her wishes as she fully takes in the plates of food. The waffles with melted butter and syrup, the crisp strips of bacon, the eggs medium, the bowl of fruit, the slice of toast with mango jam—

Wait.

“You hate mango jam. You hate _mangos_ , why do you have this?”

Becky shrugs and chews the inside of her cheek. “Oh ah, I dunno. I said I was up kinda early and thinking about what I could make. I went for a quick run and grabbed it at a little store on the way back.”

“Becky, you didn’t have to...”

“I wanted to. It’s no big deal. It’s your favorite.”

Sasha feels her chest tighten and the feeling is almost that of discomfort. When she tries to swallow, for a brief moment, it gets caught as a stationary lump in her throat and in her mind, she feels like she’s suffocating. She feels like someone has placed a plastic bag over her nose and mouth and demanded she take a breath.

On reflex, her mind begins to wrack itself, wondering when the last time she got this was. If this was even something she got to begin with. It wasn’t. It never has been. She begins to wonder where she’s supposed to go from here. What’s expected _from_ her and _of_ her.

_‘What the hell am I supposed to do?’_

Lips pressing against the side of her neck bring her back down into reality and she finds her face beginning to warm considerably. She laughs and on her own ears it comes out a tad bit awkward. “You’re extra feely this morning.”

Becky only hums before chuckling lowly as she doesn’t come out from her cozy hiding spot in Sasha’s neck. “Been a while since our downtime has overlapped with our alone time. I’m just glad everything worked out and I was able to get you here. I’ve missed you.”

“Becks...”

“No, I know. We see each other on the road and we’ve been tagging a lot, but this is just different, ya know? It’s nice to not be on a time crunch or whatever.”

This time, it’s Sasha who hums as that same lump replaces itself in her throat. In her mind, ‘not being on a time crunch’ directly translates to ‘not have to sneak around’. Not having to worry about where who might see what and when.

“I’ve missed you too...” Sasha murmurs back, angling her head just a bit to rest atop Becky’s. She glanced down to where their fingers are intertwined in her lap and for once she feels like she can tell herself she can relax without the overwhelming verbal demand of expectations.

When she looks up again, she finds Becky watching her closely and almost expectantly. She finds herself looking past Becky’s gaze, almost as if her eyes are a portal that are asking, no, begging, Sasha with a thousand and one questions she doesn’t have the answers to. To her it’s a feeling if contrast between familiarity and vacancy.

Her hand is slightly shaking as she lifts it to cup Becky’s face. She gently strokes Becky’s cheeks with her thumps before faintly nodding her head. The kiss that soon follows starts off gentle but quickly becomes heated as Sasha’s hands tangle deep into Becky’s hair to pull her closer.

With her breakfast nearly long forgotten, Sasha feels her entire body ignite as a surge of warmth starts at her fingertips all the way down to her toes. The way Becky kisses her is deep and passionate all the while being filled with promise. Promises Sasha finds herself never once asking for.

When the need to breathe becomes to great, they’re left breaking the kiss but they remain close as their heavy breathing commingles. Sasha feels like she’s on fire, despite a heavy weight that’s now settled at the base of her chest.

“God, I love you...”

The lowly husked phrase causes Sasha’s breath to catch and she finds herself thankful that Becky has turned her attention back to her neck so as to not see the worried and almost fearful expression that crosses Sasha’s face. She’s unsure if it was meant to be said at all and it takes her back to that evening they shared in that dingy hotel. The first time it had ever been said. Except now, it’s different. Now it leaves Sasha fighting against expectations she knows she has no business living up to.

* * *

_***Present*** _

She’s so focused on the dull pain in her abdomen that the sudden slamming of a door causes her to physically flinch. The slam echoes around the apartment displaying an emptiness that she’s become all too familiar with. When she makes eye contact with the woman over by the door, she winces again, only this time it has nothing to do with her level of pain. Immediately she’s left dropping her head.

Sasha has no idea how long she remains unmoving by her front door. Her hand is still tightly gripping the door handle while she works her jaw several times though the words don’t seem to come. Eventually, she clenches her jaw tightly as she makes her way over towards the kitchen where she pulls down a wineglass and in nearly the same motion, uncorks a bottle. She nearly tops off the glass and stares into the dark liquid for a long moment before taking a hearty gulp. Swallowing thickly, she roughly sets the glass down before slightly angling her head towards Becky who is standing frozen and silent in the middle of her living room.

“What the hell was that?”

Becky, who had been having an intense staring match with the floor, suddenly frowns deeply. Her head quickly snaps up towards Sasha who is braced tensely against the counter. “What?”

“Tonight. What the hell happened tonight?”

A sharp inhale leaves Becky once again wincing against the pain in her midsection. The silence that follows the question directly replicates the heaviness she had felt on the drive to Sasha’s apartment. The atmosphere is completely different to what she’s come to know every time she’s been here. Whether it was to share a quiet evening in while watching a movie or dissolving into more personal intimate activities, she’s never felt such a coldness and such a coldness does nothing to ease her anxiety.

She can’t force herself to move and she’s only left to shake her head absently while Sasha continues to look anywhere but at her from her spot in the kitchen. “Sash, I don’t understand—”

“Why were you out there?” Sasha is quick to interrupt and she catches herself to sigh quietly when she realizes the abruptness in her own voice. “Why were you…why?”

Of all the ways she had expected this conversation to go and of all the things for her to expect to be asked, this certainly wasn’t it. What leaves a tight spring coiled in her stomach, is the sudden feeling of uncertainty and the impending unknown. Becky looks on in disbelief and slowly makes her way into the entry way of the kitchen. “How can you ask me that?”

Sasha spins around quickly with a look of almost disbelief. “How can I—what do you mean how can I ask you that!? I have every right to ask you that when you’re out drawing attention like that!”

“Drawing attention?” Becky repeats, her voice displaying her own disbelief. “What exactly was I drawing attention to? No one knows we’re together, Sasha…”

“You don’t know that—”

“—But I do because…because that’s how you wanted it. That’s how you’ve always wanted it. No one knows and just…” Becky trails off while tiredly shaking her head. “You didn’t hear the things she was saying.”

Sasha scoffs incredulously while tilting her head back. “Don’t make this about Bayley.”

“It’s always about Bayley!” Becky reactively throws her hands up, her actions pulling against the soreness in her muscles. “Every single thing since the beginning about this has been about Bayley and Sash, I…I don’t know what I can _do_ at this point. I don’t know how I can compete with that or why I’m still even competing with her at all.”

Sasha shakes her head. “I’m not some trophy up for winning…” she hisses quietly while storming past Becky out of the kitchen.

Becky groans and immediately follows her, gently but grimly grabbing onto Sasha’s arm as she makes her way into the living room. “That’s not…that’s not what I mean, and you know that’s not what I meant. I don’t think of you like that, I’m just trying to, fuck, I don’t know what else I can do! I’m trying so fucking hard Sasha, and every time we come so close to sorting things out with us, it all leads back to fucking Bayley!” pausing, she glances down at her shoes before her hands clench into fists and she’s looking back up at Sasha with a new found fire in her eyes. “Are you still in love with her?”

The word ‘still’ immediately sticks heavy in Sasha’s mind. _'As if I was ever actually in love with her,’_ speaks a voice in her mind that sounds dangerously close to her own but still somehow incredibly unfamiliar. Instead she’s left shaking her head slowly while tears begin to spring up behind her eyes. The weight she was feeling earlier is becoming far to heavy and with each passing second breathing is becoming something of a chore.

“You are, aren’t you?”

“I didn’t say that…”

“You didn’t have to! All of _this_ ,” Becky pauses to gesture with her hands. “You didn’t say it but you sure as hell aren’t denying it?”

“You want me to deny it? Fine. I’m denying it. I’m not in fucking love with Bayley. Is that what you wanted to hear? Me say it out loud even though you and I both know damn well that’s not true.”

Becky’s jaw clenches so tight it’s nearly painful. Her nails dig painfully into the insides of her palms while she finds herself beginning to shake against her own consent. “Sasha, I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t anymore because you won’t talk to me. You won’t come to me with your problems or anything. You won’t let me in!”

Sasha takes a deep breath and is surprised to find her own voice cracking on the exhale. “Because I can’t be what you need, Becky! Everything you’re expecting, everything you’re looking for, I can’t be that. I don’t know how and I just…I can’t be that.”

Becky tries to move closer, but she’s left planting her feet as Sasha only moves away. “Sash, I don’t…I’m not expecting anything from you. I’ve already told you I just want _you_. I just want to be with you and you to be with me and we just be…us. I’m not looking for anything other than that.”

“I don’t know if I can give you that…” Sasha’s voice has dropped down to a hoarse whisper as she wraps her arms tightly around herself while she looks away. “You were my best friend…”

“I _am_ your best friend—”

“—and we shouldn’t have… _I_ shouldn’t have…not when you felt like that. And I didn’t know Becky, god I swear I didn’t know. If I had then maybe I…” trailing off again, Sasha shakes her head as the first of her tears begin to fall. “If I had known sooner then maybe I could’ve saved you. I could’ve saved you from me.”

Feeling a stinging behind her own eyes, Becky is quick to shake her head as she tries to minimize the distance that Sasha has been so set on keeping. She finally ends up close enough to reach out and gently rest her hands on Sasha’s folded arms. To her, swallowing suddenly feels like scraping a jagged edge of glass against a rough strip of sandpaper. When she speaks, she hardly even recognizes her own voice.

“Sasha, we can…we can do this. I know we can.”

“I can’t, Becky. I can’t because I…I just can’t do this to you anymore.”

_‘I can’t be what you want or what you need…I can’t be someone worth fighting for.’_

Becky feels like she’s been punched in the chest and she finds herself rapidly shaking her head as she tries to get Sasha to meet her gaze. “No, Sasha don’t…don’t say that. You’re not doing anything to me, I just want us to be able to try,” she pauses to take a shaky deep breath as she tries to calm the sudden rapid beating in her heart. “Sasha, please.”

Sasha takes a step back and for the first time that evening, she looks at Becky. She _really looks_ at her and when their eyes meet there’s a mutual heavy mass of longing and rejection. Promise and denial. Acceptance and regret. Between the both of them each black and white feelings whirl into a muddled pool of grey and they’re unable to sort it out between the two of them. The panic that nearly sets in is akin to going blind in an already dark room.

“I was selfish…to let this go on for so long…”

“Sasha…”

“And I should’ve found the courage to say something sooner before I let it…before I hurt you. I fucked up. I fucked all of that up because now we’re here and I…I should’ve let you go sooner, but I have to do it now. I have to do it now before you start to hate me.”

Becky shakes her head absently while trying to fight for her own words. Her voice shoots up to unknown octaves while she struggles through her next sentence. “S-Sash, please…we can do it. I-I can do it.”

Tilting her head back against her tears proves to be counterproductive as Sasha finds more of them pouring down her cheeks. “I want you to go…” when she speaks, it’s almost as if she’s forcing the weight of her words.

“I-I’m not gonna just…”

“Please! I really just want you to go.”

Silence.

“Becky, please! Please just go! Go before I do something that’s going to fuck this up even more.”

_‘Like begging you to stay. Deluded myself into thinking I’m capable…’_

When Sasha’s voice is left echoing around the empty apartment, Becky feels the last of her fight leave her. Never mind her brawl from earlier in the night, but she suddenly feels incredibly tired as her vision darkens in and out around the edges. All she can do is watch limply as Sasha has once again turned away from her while hugging herself tightly even against her trembling. Becky’s tongue is heavy and uncoordinated as she tries to form words.

“Sasha…”

“Please.”

The silence that follows is nearly so heavy it crushes them. Becky is only mildly aware of the thud of her own boots against the floor as her feet mindlessly carry her towards the door. Her hand on the handle nearly sends a shockwave through her entire body. As much as she wants to turn back, she doesn’t. Because she’s unsure of what she would do if she did.

_‘I’m sorry for ruining what we had.’_

It’s a shared thought, spoken loudly and simultaneously between the both of them. Louder than the door clicking shut as she eventually leaves.

_‘I’m sorry.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahehehhh, you guys trust me right ? Thoughts always welcome!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sasha chapter that is long overdue....sorta heheheh

To say that it’s been a rough day at the office would probably be the understatement of the century. Rough doesn’t even begin to cover it as Sasha has quit literally found herself wishing that the night would just end so she could go back to her hotel room, turn off her phone and the lights, and sit there until sleep knocks her in the back of the head. On several occasions, she’s wondered if she just outright leave without telling anyone. She could’ve faked an illness or an injury and dipped out one of the loading areas while no one was watching.

The only caveat to that plan was she had a match that night. A match that was stuck so deep on the already over stacked card, that someone would absolutely notice she was missing. What would’ve been the explanation for everyone out in the arena. She hadn’t even remembered who her opponent was for the night and it definitely would have been a sight to see for whoever the hell it was to be waiting out in the ring as her music hit only for no one to show up on stage. For no one to strut down the ramp with all the swag and confidence in the world. No one to step to in a match worthy of the sports columns the following morning. What would’ve been the explanation? What the hell would they have done?

She would’ve never heard the end of it, that’s for sure. Probably would’ve even come to regret it financially in the short run, but she hadn’t cared. The thought of running had been at the very forefront of her mind since she had stepped foot into the arena that night. She had almost made the decision to throw on some sweatpants and her hoodie over her ring gear and bolt right as a production hand had come to knock on her dressing room saying she was due up next. The realization sent an unnerving chill down her spine as she was left to come to terms with making her way out in front of the crowd. The crowd who would have their eyes all on her. The crowd who would be judging her every move, every tick down to the very way she collected herself out of a major spot. The same crowd that wasn’t looking at her to entertain them, but instead watching for her to give them something to talk about. In Sasha’s mind, those are two totally separate things.

Nevertheless, she had forced her legs to move just enough to carry her all the way through the backstage area. The hesitation was monumental as her music hit and everyone looked to her to make the next move. It was like one of the opening moves in a chess game. The pawns are always viewed as small and insignificant. Minimal options by way of choice. Incredibly expendable and defenseless. The pawns…those are always the place holders while being the secret driving force behind the entire game. They’re insignificant but they distract. They’re defenseless, but only to themselves. Perhaps they are the defenders. Insignificant or monumental, it certainly depends on the eye of the beholder. Either way, the pawn is always the first move of the game. That first pawn sets the pace. In that moment before slipping out onto the stage, Sasha felt like that first pawn.

Like many as of late, Sasha’s match had her moving on autopilot. She’s sure she must’ve looked like a video game rendition of herself, as all of her movements operated off memory instead of reaction to the match. Up down left right and she was attempting her finisher. Left trigger right bumper and she was rolling out of a pin. Everything had been so cut and paste. It was dry and unauthentic, and Sasha had to drown out all of the noise as she finally lay staring up at the lights with her shoulders pinned to the mat. She hadn’t cared when they announced her opponent’s name and raised her opponent’s hand. She hadn’t cared as she drag herself back up the ramp, ignoring to looks and yells for her attention. She hadn’t felt any better or worse about herself. The one saving grace was the numbness she had been experiencing before only seemed to intensify, and at least now she’s free to leave.

Faces are nameless blurs as she makes her way backstage. To her, her dressing room seems a lot farther than it had the first time she had left it. Of everything that’s happened, her dressing room having moved on its own wouldn’t be nothing short of a surprise. She hears voices, but none of them hold weight. It’s all incredibly monotonous and monochrome. All blurs of blacks and whites and stagnant sounds.

Until it’s not.

Sasha yelps quietly as she quite literally slams into another person. She doesn’t even have the energy, much less the right to be upset with them seeing as she knows it’s all on her. She hadn’t been paying anything close to attention. The apology on her lips immediately dies out as hands reactively reach out to steady her balance. Hands that are slightly calloused yet still soft and gentle. Hands she’s way too familiar with.

As soon as it happens, Sasha regrets it. She’s unable to stop herself from jerking back almost as if the simple action of the touch had burned her. The look in the other woman’s eyes from her response causes her heart to sink down past the soles of her boots. There’s a lump in her throat so thick she can’t even swallow.

Becky’s eyebrows appear to be furrowed together by default and her eyes are complete with dark circles. Her gaze is lost and hazy as if the usual light they hold has dimmed out behind them. Her hands are still outstretched in the same position they automatically lurched into only moments ago.

It’s been a week since that night in her apartment. The night Sasha had made the decision to let go because it’s what’s best. Best for the both of them and best for _her_. Her eyes are immediately drawn to movement as Becky’s arms fall limply at her sizes, a usual tell of pain and resignation.

Sasha can only watch as Becky’s eyes drop momentarily before she’s shuffling past. Instinctively, Sasha turns around to watch after her. In a moment where she feels like her feet should move on their own, they don’t. She only lays rooted to the spot with anything she was about to say dying out fast on her lips. They had been there, and the remnants cause her lips to momentarily go numb.

“Ooo, trouble in paradise?”

That voice makes her blood turn to ice and Sasha finds herself flinching another time in so many minutes. She doesn’t even have the energy to ward it off as her face contorts on its own. Her involuntary scowl only deepens after she reactively spins towards the voice.

“I have nothing to say to you,” she hates herself for how much of a chore it is for her to keep her voice even.

Bayley only raises her eyebrows, traditionally smug grin still firmly in place as she holds up her hands defensively. “I’m not here to cause trouble, just making an observation,” she folds her arms and shrugs, still leaning against the corner she had been previously content to watch from afar in. “Seems like that’s kinda become a regular thing, huh? The awkwardness and shit. Figured you would’ve been past that part right now.”

Sasha feels her fists involuntarily clenching tightly. “Spare me your high school speeches. I don’t got time for it right now.”

Bayley shrugs once again. “Well you don’t seem like you’re in too much of a hurry,” she pauses and nods her head in the opposite direction. “And from the looks of it, you don’t have something you’re running off to. She in a mood or something?”

“Bayley stop—”

“—‘cause it seems like it and—”

“Seriously, can you just stop!”

“—and I mean, after everything that’s happened, you would think she would be a little more grateful. Excited almost, right? ‘Cause she _won_ or whatever—”

“I am _not_ some prize—”

“—And given what you two are—”

“We aren’t anything!”

The shout leaves an uncomfortable echo and as soon as it happens, Sasha wishes that she can take everything bad. She’s immediately tightening her fists and spinning away, though one again she finds herself still glued to the floor as her legs don’t take the extra initiative to get her as far away as humanly possible.

If Sasha had been looking, she would’ve seen the way Bayley’s smirk had slowly started to fade. She halfway straights up and angles her head to the side, blinking several times as she tries to make light of what she’s just heard. “Huh?” she says almost dumbly. “Wait, I hadn’t been serious.”

Sasha scoffs bitterly. “Course you weren’t,” she bites back sarcastically. A familiar weight combined with an unmanageable tightness settles itself over her. 

“Hey…”

She hadn’t so much as heard Bayley move, much less somehow end up directly in front of her. She jumps at the sudden closeness and when she looks up, she finds Bayley looking back at her with a foreign look of curiosity. Not foreign by way of the action but settling on the fact that it’s a look Sasha swears she hasn’t seen in a very long time.

“Did…something happen?”

“Nothing that’s any of your business,” Sasha finally musters up the muscle movements to leave, but as she does, a hand wraps around her arm, keeping her in place. “Do _not_ touch me!”

Bayley lets go and once again holds up her hands. “Hey, I’m not trying to do anything. I’m seriously asking, Sash…you’re okay, right?”

The question has more of an effect on her than it should. To Sasha it feels like someone has taken a scaling knife and stuck it directly in her side. It jars such an internal reaction, that she nearly finds herself reacting physically. The question and her reaction alone are both nearly enough to make her physically ill.

When you’re a little kid and you’re having just a Bad Time, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone to ask you if you’re okay. The question usually always has the adverse effect of being comfortably and overall makes things incredibly worse. Typically for children, they have such a loose grip on their emotions, they’re unable to sustain a façade of being “okay”. Sasha has been on this earth long enough to confirm that the exact same thing is true for adults.

Her jaw slightly trembles against her will and it’s everything she can do to form a solid sentence while angling her gaze down towards the floor. “How is anyone expected to ever be okay, when the walking issue…the same thing that follows you everywhere and is there when you sleep at night and wake up in the morning…how is _anyone_ supposed to be okay, when the problem, the source of everything, is you?”

It’s the one thing she’s sat down and thought about at its fullest. How every single time, something that tends to go wrong always stems from something she’s done or hasn’t. Whether it’s making the wrong decisions, or not making a decision at all, every single time, Sasha only has to go so far as a mirror before she feels like she’s pinpointed the problem. It’s honestly becoming something she’s rather sick of, hence why she’s spent the past several days verbally telling herself she’s better off.

Her internal realizations are broken by the hand the gently cups her chin. She isn’t even aware of the tears that have started to wall as fingers wipe them away almost too gently. She angles her head just a bit, but the hand only follows, still stroking her face. 

“Look, whatever happened, or didn’t happen, I’m sorry,” Bayley’s voice is oddly sincere, and Sasha is left wondering if this is something she’s imagining. “I know that might not seem a lot coming from me right now, but I mean it.”

Again, Sasha’s scoffing bitterly as she’s angling herself just out of reach. “Please, you’re probably waiting to bounce off the walls to tell me how right you are.”

Bayley shrugs. “I mean, I am. But that doesn’t mean I wanna see you hurt or anything like that.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. Look, this happened and maybe, I don’t know…maybe it was meant to happen?”

Sasha bites down on her bottom lip so hard it’s painful. “I don’t know…” and it’s true. She truly doesn’t know.

Bayley nods carefully and momentarily as if she’s contemplating. Eventually, she sighs heavily. “Listen…for what it’s worth, I really do wanna make sure you’re okay. I have a match coming up, but if you’re willing to stick around, maybe we can grab some food after? You can talk it out if you want or don’t…but either way. The option is there.”

Sasha can’t explain why she suddenly feels cold as Bayley moves past her. She wraps her arms around herself, still staring at the spot Bayley had previously vacated. Still biting her lip, she shakes her head as she finally makes her way towards her dressing room with a lot of decisions both past and present still weighing on her mind.

* * *

***Flashback***

Sasha is nervously biting down on her bottom lip as she knocks on the door. She takes a step back from the door and begins to shift on her feet, momentarily left in wait for any sign of movement on the other side. Her gaze drops down to the white box she’s holding between her hands and her heart can’t help but sink when she realizes how messed up this is.

She’s fucked up, and she knows she’s fucked up. Sasha keeps her circles close and tight. That’s far less people to have to keep up with, and it’s a lot easier to put effort and investment into the people she does close. She values those personal connections more than anything on this earth, and usually when she makes a promise to someone, she’ll do nothing shy of flooding the earth to make sure that promise is kept. 

That’s why on the incredibly rare occasions that she does fuck up, the feeling is akin to a massive weight sitting on her stomach. She supposes that she of all people should be less inclined to feel any sort of way, considering she was the one who had broken the promise in the first place. Perhaps that does actually make her a little bit selfish for thinking such things.

There’s eventually movement on the other side of the door and Sasha plants a nervous, yet hopeful smile on her face. When the door swings open, said smile momentarily wavers, but she just barely manages to keep it in place, despite the look of sheer disappointment she’s receiving. This had definitely panned out a lot different in her head and words haven’t even been spoken yet, something she would probably fix in the next few seconds before this train completely derails.

“Hi,” she offers awkwardly.

“Hey,” Becky’s response matches her expression and overall demeanor. She doesn’t immediately move to invite Sasha in, but instead opts to lean against the door frame of her room.

Realizing that the ball is completely in her court, Sasha unconsciously continues her shuffling while the box in her hands suddenly starts to feel like it weighs about a thousand pounds. “I…was hoping we could talk?”

When Becky only nods and this time folds her arms, Sasha finds herself sighing. “Please?”

Becky’s fingers tap against her a few times before she’s shuffling back in her room far enough to let Sasha slip past her. She closes the door before heading over to her bed where she sits on the edge and purses her hands on her knees. She remains silent and only arches an eyebrow as Sasha opts to awkwardly linger in the very center of the room.

This definitely wasn’t being made to be easy and Sasha knows good and damn well she doesn’t have a right to feel like it should’ve been. To say it’s uncomfortable would be a complete understatement and that is manifested into an action as she sighs heavily before speaking. “You have every right to be mad and hate me. I didn’t show up with any kind of excuse ready, but I really did want to…I just…Becky, I’m really sorry,” she remembers the box in her hands. “I come bearing gifts?”

Raising her eyebrows, Becky acknowledges the box and holds out her hands as Sasha passes it over. She sets it in her lap and careful peels off the tape on the sides before she’s opening the lid. An amused snort slips past as her eyes land on the red velvet cupcake topped with a single candle. On the inside of the lid are the words ‘I’m sorry’ scrawled in flowing cursive next to a sad face. When she looks up again, she finds Sasha watching her almost expectantly. 

“You know I could never hate you, right?” Becky says quietly before setting the box to the side. “Especially not over something so stupid.”

“Except it’s not stupid,” Sasha is quick to cut in. “It’s…it’s not stupid. I promised you’d I’d be there, and I wasn’t and…that was stupid. Of me.”

Becky scoffs and shuffles over before patting the mattress next to her. “It’s fine, really. I mean, yeah, I was kinda bummed out at first, but you know how I am about this kinda thing,” she pauses and laughs awkwardly. “It was all stupid Charlotte’s idea anyway. Last thing I really wanted to do was spend the night with a bunch of people at a crowded bar. I would much rather stay in and watch stupid movies with my best friend.”

Immediately, Sasha’s eyes are dropping. “I’m really, sorry.”

“Sash, it’s fine. It happens. Stuff happens…” Becky hesitates before continuing. “If you don’t mind me asking. What happened?”

If it were possible, Sasha’s shoulders drop even more. “Ah, Bayley injured herself during her match and we kind of god caught up with the trainers. Took a lot longer than it should have and I really thought we’d be done in time to make it and it just…damn, I’m sorry.”

“If you keep apologizing then I might actually start to hate you,” if Sasha were looking closely, she could see how Becky’s smile almost looks forced. “Everything alright though? Shouldn’t you be there instead of here?”

Sasha shakes her head. “She’s out on painkillers and she understands that I was supposed to make it to your thing…”

Becky only nods before bringing the cupcake box back to her lap. “You know, this is probably one of the last things I’m supposed to be eating right?” she laughs humorously.

Sasha snorts. “Please. Compared to how you eat, this cupcake might as well be a celery stick. We’ll work it off at the gym later.”

Becky rolls her eyes before bumping Sasha’s shoulder with her own. “Well, since you’re here…and you do kinda owe me for stranding me with Charlie for several hours. I get to pick the first movie, if you’re up for it.”

Sasha groans and tilts her head back. “As long as it’s not something that included little dead girls crawling out of television sets or possessed old women, I’m all for it,” when she’s only met with silence, Sasha looks down to find Becky smirking at her devilishly. She closes her eyes and groans again. “Becky…”

“I know just the one!” 

Sasha shakes her head at the excitement of her best friend as she scrambles back up the bed to retrieve the television remote. Despite the fact that she knows she’s doomed for the rest of the night she can’t help but find herself smiling. “You’re totally gonna be responsible for me when I don’t get any sleep because of whatever you’re about to pick.”

“Deal! Hope you’re not afraid of nuns, Banksy.” 

“Christ…”

* * *

***Present***

The restaurant is also a mixed pallet of muted noise and blurred face. Sasha feels as if she’s been snatched and sat at a table across the room, damned with watching herself from the outside. She grimaces as she can practically visualize how she must look. Her eyes are empty and tired. Her posture is rigid. Her mind is…running far too fast and crawling way too slow all at the same time. The dissonance is enough to make her sick again. 

_“…things like this, they’re normal in any relationship…”_

The words fade in and out in what feels like a dream sequence.

_“…but I mean, I guess it could be kind of expected for it to end up this way…”_

She feels like she’s being spoken to while being held underwater. She glances down at her water glass and wonders how small she would have to shrink herself to sit on the edge before diving in. There’s always been that niche fact of anyone can drown in two inches of water. She wonders if that’s true.

_“…that’s okay though, because I’m here for you and I forgive you…”_

How long has she been sitting here? Her food is otherwise untouched. She hasn’t had an appetite in…she doesn’t remember how long. How long had _that_ been?

_“…and despite everything, I’m not gonna be the one to leave you, even though everyone else will.”_

Sasha blinks once, twice, three times, and it’s as if the world slowly fades into existence. The noises are loud, and the people are visible. She’s not left watching herself from across the room. She’s brought back into the moment as if she’s been doused with cold water.

Even as she’s been shellshocked back into the real world, she feels like she’s been left to be a shell of herself. A shell who’s lost on making the choice between staying rooted on land or leaping to swim at sea. Leaping has never gotten her anywhere, and it won’t. Because that’s not who she is and that’s not what life has planned for her. Far too many things end up getting lost at sea, and for Sasha…there can’t be any collateral anymore.

She hadn’t been listening to a single word that had been said. Traces of phrases caught here and there, swirling together in an out like a scratched vinyl struggling to play out its last song. The dark eyes watching her closely are familiar yet dangerous, and she would know that if she were able to feel anything. But she doesn’t. She can’t anymore. Her own voice even sounds like that of a stranger, strangled and absent as she settles herself to speak.

“Okay…”

She knows she deserves nothing more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bout time I got off my ass with this one. long time no see eh? As usual, thank you guys for sticking by! On to the next one.


	16. Chapter 16

The energy of the crowd is enough to send physical rumbles beneath her feet. It does absolutely nothing for her own nerves that continue to internally bounce around. Not that she’s nervous. She doesn’t have anything to be nervous _about_ , but that still doesn’t mean her nerves aren’t bad. She’s been like that for the past several days, and while one wouldn’t know just by looking at her, it’s definitely something that’s disrupted her day today routine.

That’s how she presently finds herself standing with her usual aura of coolness, composure, and nonchalance. Just by looking at her, no one would assume the hurricane of emotion she has whirling around inside her. They wouldn’t know the inner turmoil that’s left her feeling like she’s wanting to claw her own skin off from the inside out.

The black cloth covered table sits in the very center of the ring set between two conference chairs. In favor of sitting, Becky opts to stand behind one of the chairs where she’s gripping onto the leather back in order to keep her hands from shaking involuntarily. She may or may not recall even acknowledging Graves after she entered the ring. So far, her attention has been laser shop on the entrance ramp.

This would be her first signing. Her first signing for her first title match. Now, while Becky can’t say she’s not personally in tune with the etiquette of these types of things, but she has seen plenty enough know what signs to pick out here and there. Like the fact that she’s been kept waiting for what’s probably been a good three minutes her so. She’s seen enough of these things to know that the act in and of itself is not only a mind game, but also a blatant display of disrespect.

Becky has been in the business long enough to know disrespect. She almost wants to laugh bitterly in the very center of the ring when she thinks about the irony of it all. Years of being overlooked, stepped over, hell even stepped _on_ , and left off to the side while everyone else wrote checks, cashed, and collected on countless opportunities, and successful ones at that. Given all of that, she shouldn’t at all but surprised or even bothered by the fact that even today, she’s _once_ again been left to wait. 

Yet here she stands, in the very center of the ring, gripping this chair tightly because it means losing everything she’s ever worked for. It means losing everything she’s ever desired and everything she’s ever cared about. It means losing…shit, it just means _losing_ , and losing is something Becky has grown plenty fucking tired of.

The torrent of crowd displeasure has Becky snapping out of her mental tirades. Her eyes focus back in on the top of the ramp and narrow immediately. She’s not focused on the belt. She’s not even focused on the self-indulged arrogance that has manifested into the human being that now stands as her adversary. No. Instead, she finds her eyes drifting elsewhere and single braincell of rationality that she may have left, begins berating her for her own lack of self-control even to this very day. For Becky, it’s as frustrating as it is sad and pathetic. 

Sasha isn’t looking at her and despite the physical and metaphorical distance between the two of them, Becky doesn’t have to be up close to know that. That distance between the stage to the ring feels like a goddamn ocean, and Becky for certain doesn’t have to be any closer than she is to pick out the avoidance. She knows she’s staring. She knows people are probably going to notice she’s staring. If anything, she can disguise her complete disarray as an intensity directed at her opponent.

She mentally shakes her head. If they only knew. If anyone only knew. If anyone knew then maybe…well. Perhaps it’s best they don’t.

Her eyes track the duo all the way down to the ring. Not once does she take the time to even glance at Bayley. Instead, her gaze remains locked in on the woman who has always kept a half step behind her. She catches each subtle movement and each small tick. From the way that half step behind was kept at a consistent equidistance the entire walk to the ring, all the way down to the slight hesitation of sliding into the ring while Bayley holds open the ropes. It’s so subtle, Becky knows she’s the only that would have noticed it and it’s everything she can do not to shake her head in disbelief.

The music fades out completely. The crowd dies down to a dull but expectant roar. It’s something on the edge of being a combined low hum with white noise. Something she’s able to ignore completely as she now turns her full attention to the woman standing directly opposite the table. Her jaw that had momentarily laxed, she immediately finds tight once again.

Bayley’s side smile is borderline sinister as she eyes Becky up and down. She angles her head just enough to glance at Sasha out of her corner of her eye, before turning back to Becky. She does something of a nod resembling a hidden acknowledgement before she’s adjusting her championship on her shoulder and pulling out the rolling chair in front of her. Instead of taking a seat, she holds out a hand, as if silently inviting Becky to do so first. They hold each other’s gaze for a long moment and when Becky doesn’t move, Bayley seems to nod again, smile somehow impossibly wider than it had been only seconds ago.

“Ladies let’s—”

Bayley holds up a hand, successfully cutting off Corey, before she’s ever slowly reaching for one of the mics laid on the table. She brings it up and leans forward over the table just a tad, never having once broken eye contact with Becky. “Did I keep you waiting?” she arches an eyebrow and laughs when she catches the slightest of ticks in Becky’s jaw. She carelessly plots down into her chair and props a foot up on the table. “Why are we out here, Becky?”

There’s another silence that’s only left to be filled by the murmurs of the crowd. Corey looks between the two women and awkwardly clears his throat. “Well, at WrestleMania you’ve both got—”

“Shut up,” Bayley cuts him off again, this time with a pointed finger, before she’s soon using that same finger to gesture between Becky and herself. “Why are we out here? What’s the point of this, Becky? What’s the _need_ for this?”

Becky’s eyes immediately snap to the belt, but they don’t stay for very long. They immediately move to Sasha, who’s standing just to the left of Bayley’s chair. Their eyes meet for just a moment before Sasha is quickly looking away, glancing down at her hands she has clasped together as she shifts her weight to her other leg.

It’s something that once again doesn’t exactly go unnoticed, no matter how quick the exchange was. Only this time, Bayley doesn’t turn to look elsewhere. She instead momentarily drops her gaze to the belt over her shoulder. “Ah,” she nods before beaming up with a grin far too wide for the circumstances. “That’s what I thought. Becks, how long have we been friends?”

Becky raises an eyebrow but makes no move to grab the mic to answer. She keeps both of her hands at her sides while her fists clench and unclench repeatedly.

“It’s been a while, right? We’ve never been in the ring together. We never _needed_ to be. So why now?”

More silence.

“You could’ve picked King Charles. Hell, you could’ve gone back to pick apart Shirai, but despite all that, here we are. For so long I tried to figure out why. I mean, we’re friends, right? Friends don’t end up where we are. Then it hit me…”

Becky’s eyes roll as that incessant smirk returns. She lifts her chin just a fraction, as if silently indulging Bayley to go on.

Whether she needed permission or not, Bayley continues. “You’re jealous, Becky. Not only am I the greatest thing this belt has ever seen, but I’ve got something you want,” she angles her head. “And that jealousy? I think that eats you up inside.”

Becky can’t exactly pinpoint when her face had suddenly gotten so hot. She’s only just now acutely aware of the pain in her jaw and the sharp, stinging crescent moons left behind from her nails digging into her palms. Her eyes fall to the black leather booklet sitting between the two of them. Her movements are sudden and erratic as she snatches a pen and pulls the book closer to her, before she’s scribbling her signature on the bottom of the very first page. She’s flinging the foldable to the other side of the table before she can even think to control herself.

“Stop running your mouth and sign the damn papers.”

Bayley’s eyebrows had been raised in what appeared to amused interest after the booklet had fallen directly into her lap. “If you insist,” she sighs dramatically and takes her precious time with her own signature. She takes the time to even examine the page before she’s carelessly tosses it back onto the table. “Guess we’re locked into this now.”

“You know, the odds of you winning this match are well,” Bayley snorts and laughs. “They’re pretty much not there, actually, but…you just need to remember. I _made_ this belt, Becky. _I_ did that. Me. You?” she slides the belt of her shoulder and holds it up between the two of them. “Any imaginary reigns you would have with this, are just my sloppy seconds.” 

It only takes a second for it to happen. Before anyone could think to say anything else, Becky has launched herself across the table, successfully taking Bayley down with the full force of her own momentum. The crowd explodes, but none of that matters as she rains down a series of heavy blows with all the strength she can muster. 

With all the yelling and commotion going on in the ring, she easily shrugs off Corey’s attempt at grabbing her shoulder to separate them. The momentary lapse had allowed Bayley to reposition in an attempt to crawl away and Becky can only see red as she uses the repositioning as an opening to lock in an arm bar. Her teeth are clenched tightly as she wrenches the limb tightly and pulls on Bayley’s arm with full intent to test just how far back it’s willing to go before it gives.

“Fucking, fuck you get OFF!”

“Can we get some help out here!?”

“Becky!”

There’s another grab at her shoulder and Becky releases her hold on Bayley in favor of a shove she puts all of her strength behind. She straightens up, huffing as she expects to see Graves strewn out across the other side of the ring while she preps to let him have it for getting in her business. Her face falls immediately when her eyes land on Sasha instead. She has her legs curled underneath her and she’s cradling her wrist in her lap from where it had been no doubt used to involuntarily buffer her fall.

A torrent of referees enters the ring, pushing and shoving in attempts to keep her separate from the champion cursing and thriving on the canvas. Becky shrugs them off as well and tangles a hand in her hair as she quickly slips between the ropes. She doesn’t even bother to look back as she very quickly makes her way up the ramp.

* * *

Sasha’s wrist is still a bit sore, but it’s nothing unbearable as she slinks her way backstage. The night had been nothing short of a disaster, but she knew it would be. When is it not? If she’s being completely honest, she can’t pinpoint the last time something wasn’t completely over the top or just downright awful. If she wasn’t so set on packing up and disappearing before tonight, she’s certainly even more set on that now.

That is until she remembers that every single disaster has had everything to do with her. She supposes that there isn’t exactly a point in running away, if the one thing you’re trying to run from is just going to end up following you anyway. To say that it’s something that’s disappointedly exhausting would be a complete understatement.

She wants to do nothing more than to go back to her hotel and spend the rest of her night in bed; _alone_. She slightly grimaces as she remembers that can’t exactly be the case, not yet at least. First, she’s been left to leave her things behind in her dressing room while she sulks in the direction of the trainer’s room.

_‘You could always just leave?’_

_‘But where would I go?’_

Sasha’s heart stops for a good second as she’s jerked and quickly spun around. Her mouth opens with an exclamation ready, but it immediately fades as she’s met with an intensity that she swears she’s never seen before. It leaves her throat to go immediately dry.

“What the hell was that!?”

Blinking rapidly, Sasha momentarily comes to her senses and shakes her head. “I don’t…” she pauses before she frowns deeply. “ _You’re_ asking _me_ that???”

Becky nods firmly. “Yeah, I am actually. I’m asking you what the hell that was! Is that why Sasha!?”

“Becky—”

“Is that why!?” Becky puffs as her voice only continues to raise. “Is that why you haven’t been answering any of my texts? My calls? Why you let your fucking voicemail fill up!? Why you’ve been walking around acting like I don’t fucking exist!”

Sasha slowly shakes her head. “I’m not…”

“No,” Becky sees the exact moment Sasha turns to walk away and she quickly steps in front of her to keep Sasha in place. “You don’t get to just run away again. Not a-fucking-gain, Sasha.”

“I don’t know what you want from me right now!” Sasha practically screeches as she quickly side steps Becky to move down the hall. “And I need to go!”

“Like hell,” Becky practically jogs to close the distance between the two of them before she’s grabbing hold of Sasha’s arm and spinning her around. Only this time, she doesn’t let go. “This is why, isn’t it? The radio silence, the ghosting, it’s all because you couldn’t even be assed to tell me you’re back with her!”

Sasha tilts her head back and sighs heavily. The sigh gets caught in her throat and it’s everything she can do to swallow it before it turns into a sob. “I’m not…I’m…”

Becky interrupts her with a bitter scoff. “You can’t even say it. You can’t even lie about it because you are! It’s clear as day to anyone watching tonight that you are! You fucking…” nearly breathless, Becky shakes her head and grips her hair at the roots. “It’s because I was never enough to do it for you, right?” 

“That’s not it and you know it,” Sasha shakes her head, her voice having gone oddly quiet as she tries to leave again.

Becky is quick to follower her. “What is it then? Is it because I talk too much? I’m not on all the posters and commercials like she is? Kids aren’t buying my t-shirts? Is it because I’m not a fucking champion!?”

Sasha’s jaw clenches tightly and she stops walking, but she doesn’t turn. That doesn’t stop Becky’s booming voice from nearing ever closer. The words cut deeply and settle inside her like an internal aura of ice.

“You didn’t need someone who loves you, Sasha. You needed someone who has no problems taking everything away from you and telling you what to do, just so you won’t have to think on your own!”

“Yes! Maybe I did!” Sasha screams, quickly rounding on Becky as this time, she’s the one minimizing the distance between the two of them. “I love Bayley because she never looked at me like I’m more than I was!”

She scoffs bitterly and shakes her head as tears begin to sting behind her eyes that threaten to fall. “Bayley doesn’t look at me like I’m god’s greatest fucking accomplishment!”

“She reminds me I’m a fucking human being and that’s what she expects when she looks at me!”

“She expects _nothing_ and maybe nothing is exactly what I need to be! Did you ever fucking think about that!?” 

Becky’s arms fall limp at her sides. She blinks several times as she fully takes in the woman in front of her. The woman she’s known for years. The woman she’s called her best friend for years. The woman who’s been the love of her life _for years_. Becky takes all of that in and it scares her when she realizes for the first time that she feels like she’s looking at a stranger.

The cold broken gaze that has replaced one of warmth and solidarity. Eyes that were once upon a time full of life and optimism. A face full of hopes and dreams. It’s in this exact moment that she realizes, there isn’t any of that. Not where they physically stand. Not right now.

_‘What happened to you?’_

“Sasha you can…you are…” Becky wets her lips as she tries to reassess her words. “You’re not just that and you know that. Sasha, you _know_ that.”

Laughing bitterly, Sasha shakes her head. “I know what I am, Becky. _Bayley_ knows what I am. Seems like the only person who can’t seem to get that is you.”

The words are spoken with such finality that Becky can’t force her legs to move as Sasha spins around and disappears in the direction of the trainer’s room. She’s taken plenty of beatings in her lifetime, but this one leaves her like she’s been socked in the chest. Her shoulders drop and she stares at her shoes for a long moment, getting lost in her own hurricane of thoughts. Eventually, she finds herself taking a deep breath before her fists clench and she straightens up. She continues to gaze down the hall before she shakes her head before she walks away.

**_*Flashback*_ **

“We’re gonna regret this tomorrow, y’know. We’ve got a match.”

“Who cares. I need this.”

Becky snorts and shakes her head as she watches Sasha shovel in another mouthful. They’re currently sitting on the floor in Becky’s small apartment, back’s pressed against the couch. Between them sits a Styrofoam plate of chili cheese fries they had absolutely no business purchasing and they both know it. It was unfortunately one of those times where they had both shared the same craving and neither woman had enough self-control to dissuade the other. An hour of googling the beset cheese fries in town and here they are.

“It’s gonna hurt so good!” Sasha exclaims, tilting her head back while she chews dramatically.

Becky opts to dig in with her own fork and chews for a moment before she speaks. “Y’know, it doesn’t make sense that you eat like you do and it literally falls right off. It’s criminal, Sash.”

Sasha rolls her eyes. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I’m not bein’ an ass! I’m just sayin’! I mean look at you!” Becky pokes Sasha in the ribs. “You’re fuckin’ tiny!”

“Well I’m big enough to still kick your ass if I need to,” Sasha huffs haughtily. She lets her head thump back against the couch. “Tomorrow’s our last match here.”

Becky’s smirk falls into a soft grin. “Yeah, I know. Kinda weird, isn’t it? Thinkin’ you’re gonna miss it?”

Sasha is silent for a moment before she hums. “Mmm…maybe. I mean, to an extent, yeah. We did great things here, but…I’m excited to be on the big stage, you know? Show people what we’re really all about.”

Becky nods excitedly. “Yeah! It’s like…you’re always gonna have a soft spot for your childhood home, but you’re finally getting to move into your dream home.”

“Yeah…exactly like that.”

There’s a silence that falls between the two of them where the only noises are the occasional chews and the low hum of the television playing as background noise. The air is light but heavy at the same time, though it’s not a bitter heaviness. It’s a heaviness that holds an excitement of the unknown.

“Did you always wanna be a wrestler?”

The question is so sudden that Becky has to a take a few seconds to process it. “Huh?” she responds having turned to Sasha to find the other girl with her eyes closed.

“Wrestling. Growing up, did you always know you wanted to do it?”

“No,” Becky snorts as she leans back against the couch. “I wanted to be a steamboat operator.”

Sasha’s eyes fly open and she sits up quickly to examines Becky’s face for any signs of a joke. “Wait, what?”

Becky chuckles with a light dusting of pink spreading across her cheeks. “Yeah, I grew up by the docks in Dublin and I would always watch the boats come in. I dunno. As a kid, there was just something so fascinating and free about it, you know? Thought it would be something exciting,” she ducks her head and shrugs a bit bashfully. “I was just a kid though. It’s stupid now when you think about it.”

“It’s not!” Sasha exclaims, and she sinks a bit when she realizes how loud her exclamation had been. “It’s not stupid…”

“Ah well,” Becky shrugs again. “What about you?”

Sasha’s lips form a smile that would be enough to power an entire city, and the sight of it nearly makes Becky’s heart stop right then and there. “I always knew this is what I wanted to do.”

Becky laughs quietly. “C’mon, really? Even as a little kid? Most little kids want to be doctors or lawyers or something.”

“Or steamboat operators?” Sasha smirks, laughing when Becky rolls her eyes. “But no, really. I guess I kinda always knew. I was always so fascinated growing up and at night I would literally dream about getting the chance, you know? I close my eyes and picture myself in all those big arenas, putting out my best for everyone to see. I’ve always wanted that.”

“Wow…” Becky whispers, slightly in awe. “That’s…I don’t know what to say, Sash. That’s kinda…man. Sometimes stuff happens and people don’t ever make it to their childhood goals, but you? That’s…that’s something special.”

Sasha laughs awkwardly as she’s now the one blushing. “I wouldn’t say it’s special but…it really is something. I’m glad I’ve got this opportunity, you know? And for what it’s worth…I’m really glad I got this opportunity with you.”

“Aw Sash,” Becky shakes her head and laughs. “What’s the world gonna think when I tell everybody The Boss has gone soft?”

“I’m not soft!” Sasha scoffs before swatting at Becky. “And you sure know how to ruin a moment. And just for that,” she reaches between them and grabs the fork Becky had been using. “You get to watch as I finish these.”

Becky raises an eyebrow in challenge. “You say that like I’m above eating with my hands.”

Sasha’s eyes narrow and they engage in a stare down before she sighs and tosses Becky’s fork in her lap. It’s not exactly a bluff she wants to call. “You are so gross.”

“I’m fuckin’ awesome,” Becky declares as she makes a show of licking her fork clean. “Y’know Banksy, I’d like to think in another life, you and me would make a pretty awesome pair of steamboat operators.” 

Sasha doesn’t even bother trying to contain her laughter. She laughs until she’s nearly in tears and her sides hurt. It’s soon after Becky joins her that she’s finally found enough oxygen to get a word out.

“Yeah…yeah we fucking would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew guys. I needed a kick in the pants on this one and I am SO THANKFUL I got it. I hope you guys are enjoying :) Comments always welcome!


	17. Chapter 17

Sasha had been so deeply lost in her own thoughts that the sudden hiss startles her something terrible. She physically flinches and her fingers momentarily cease their previous movement as she’s jolted back into reality as if she’s just been doused with a bucket of ice water. In fact, she’s actually been left feeling a tiny bit cold and as she takes in her surroundings, she finds herself longing to remember the previously warm daydream she had been a part of. It had all been ripped away so fast, that even closing her eyes doesn’t exactly bring her any recollection.

“Why’d you stop?”

Blinking, Sasha is brought back to her task at hand. She presently finds herself sitting on her knees in the very center of the mattress. Her hands have fallen still just along Bayley’s bicep from where Bayley is sitting in front of her.

“Sorry…” she mumbles quietly as she returns to massaging the muscle. Her eyebrows furrow together just slightly when Bayley hisses again, this time following it up with a groan of discomfort.

“Jesus Christ,” Bayley grunts, gritting her teeth as Sasha’s fingers press deeply into a particularly sore spot near her shoulder. “Fucking trainer really didn’t know what the fuck he was doing…”

“Sorry…” Sasha repeats.

“Damn thing feels like it could be fucking broken.”

“I don’t think it’s broken…”

“Well it could be!”

Sasha snaps her mouth shut and sighs quietly through her nose. “Well…we can take the day tomorrow and go to a clinic? Maybe have them x-ray it or something just to double check?”

Bayley huffs before shaking her head. “We don’t have time. We’ve got a photo op in the morning and then a sit down after.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Sasha carefully evaluates her next set of words. “You could always push them off? If your arm could really be a problem, then maybe—”

“I can’t just push it off, Sasha! Come on!” Bayley interrupts herself with a bitter scoff. “Especially after what happened? You think I’m just gonna sit back and let everyone think I’m some punk bitch by cancelling all my shit? You know people would think that! The last thing I’m gonna do is sit back and let Lynch clown me like that! I ain’t no clown, Sasha!”

Sasha hadn’t much realized how tense her jaw had gotten for the entire duration of the short tirade. In fact, she’s been nothing more and nothing less than a spring wound tight since they left the arena. She feels like she’s been bunched up and put into a tiny little box where her chin is touching her knees and her limbs protest in agony. Even when walking around with free will as an independent human being, she has never felt more confined and isolated in all her days.

“And where were you!?”

Once again, Sasha finds herself blinking out of her own internal dialogue at the sudden exclamation. Her mouth opens and closes several times as she processes the rather forceful exclamation. A befuddled “huh?” is all she’s able to come up with. 

Even from her spot behind Bayley, Sasha can practically feel the eye roll followed by the slight head tilt. “I meant, ‘where were you’,” Bayley enunciates, sounding totally annoyed that she had to repeat herself. “When Lynch was two seconds from tearing my arm off, and you were what? Just standing there watching?”

“I-I wasn’t…” Sasha trails off as she can’t exactly remember what she had been doing at that time.

Her mind had gone completely blank the moment she had stepped out onto the stage and saw Becky in what felt like the first time in years. It wasn’t even anywhere close to being years, but it certainly felt like they were two strangers crossing paths for the first time in a long time. Even from her spot a long way away down the ramp, Sasha’s heart had sunk to the very depths of her chest as she could pretty much see the fall of Becky’s face clear as day. Sasha herself had to look away lest she end up doing something totally stupid.

The exchange in the ring certainly hadn’t made things any better. Sasha found herself having a staring match with the canvas. Somehow, the hole she was working on visually burning into the mat had no match for the hole she could feel being burned into her. She knew at the time it was a bad idea to try and lift her eyes, and she was proved correct as their eyes met up close for the first time. Becky’s gaze had been so powerful, Sasha had to keep from physically flinching as she looked away.

Every last one of Bayley’s words had cut deeply and Sasha was left feeling like the smallest person in the room even though none of the attention was on her. The total lack of response from Becky was what left her uneasy. Occasionally, she would shift her weight from foot to foot, trying to ease her own restlessness.

It wasn’t until she just barely caught the tail end of something about ‘sloppy seconds’ that she felt herself tense up again. If she hadn’t been feeling small before, she certainly was then. She didn’t have much time to explore how she was made to feel as the sudden commotion had broken out.

Her eyes were wide as she stood off to the side while Becky pounded blow after blow with an intensity that Sasha had never seen before. She was enthralled and terrified all at the same time. It wasn’t until Bayley’s sudden shrieks of pain, pierced her ears and brought her back in.

She had been moving on autopilot as she tried to grab hold of Becky’s shoulders to separate the two. What she hadn’t expected was for Becky to round on her quickly and shove her forcefully. Sasha hadn’t had any time or anything to reach out for as she lost her balance and landed rather uncomfortably on the canvas. For the third time that night, their eyes met and as she looked up at Becky, she was met with all the raging fire of a woman she’s never seen before.

“I’m sorry…she pushed me…” Sasha immediately frowns at her own words. It’s as if they left her mouth without permission. She doesn’t even recall even thinking them much less giving herself permission to _say_ them in a voice she doesn’t even recognize.

Bayley sighs somewhat dramatically as she turns around where they’re sitting face to face. “I know…I shouldn’t have let that happen,” she sighs again as she reaches up to cup Sasha’s face. “Hey, look at me,” she nudges Sasha’s face to look at her. “I shouldn’t have let her put her hands on you.”

Sasha shakes her head as best she can with Bayley still cupping her jaw. “It’s not…it’s fine—”

“It’s not fine! She doesn’t get to just—just do that! She doesn’t get to put her _fucking_ hands on you.”

“Bayley…” Sasha frowns, trailing off as she can practically feel the anger and unrest settling over their room like a cloud.

“I’m gonna make her pay for that Sasha. I’m gonna make her pay for everything she’s done to you, okay? I’m gonna make her pay for everything. When I’m done, you won’t have to worry about it anymore, ‘cause she’ll be finished, okay? That’ll be it. I promise.”

Sasha’s jaw is trembling slightly, and she clamps her teeth together to prevent it from continuing to do so. There’s a thick lump lodged into her throat that she has to work at several times before she finds any relief in swallowing it. She doesn’t even realize that she has tears making the slow roll down her cheeks until she feels a calloused thumb wiping them away.

“I promise, okay? I promise.”

It doesn’t feel right when Bayley kisses her. First, it’s at the corner of her mouth, then it’s directly to her lips. The only word that comes to mind is ‘slimy’ and she feels it in full effect as an unexpected and very unwelcomed tingle slowly inches its way down her spine. It’s not a good tingle. Not the kind that leaves her near breathless with her toes curling. This is closely related to feeling the need to scrub her own skin raw under a blazing shower.

“Bay, wait…” Sasha reaches up to catch the fingers that were slowly inching the spaghetti strap of her tank top down her shoulder. She finds herself swallowing thickly once again at Bayley’s sudden and rigid stillness from where she had been previously placing wet kisses just to the side of Sasha’s chin.

Her hand lifts and hesitates for a second before she’s gently resting her hand on Bayley’s shoulder. “Maybe not tonight? I…wanna make sure your arm is okay, and then maybe we can save it for after Mania?” she swallows thickly again. “When you win?”

Bayley remains silent for a second longer as she appears to be studying Sasha. Eventually, a small satisfied grin tugs at the very corner of her mouth. “You’re probably right. It’s getting late anyways and we’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

 _‘We?’_ Sasha so badly wants to implore but she doesn’t.

When the light goes out, it doesn’t feel right when Sasha’s laying on her side. It doesn’t feel right when Bayley has an arm so securely wrapped around her midsection that it’s nearly crushing her. It doesn’t feel right when she tries to close her eyes to sleep, but all she can do is imagine herself somewhere else where it’s peaceful and not as cold.

She imagines—

Sasha has to stop herself before she gets too carried away.

It’s not long before she’s met with the all too familiar sounds of the other woman sleeping. Sasha sighs quietly wishing that could’ve been her. She wishes she could have fallen asleep first because then perhaps maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t be left to listen to her thoughts all night with nowhere to go.

_‘What am I doing?’_

_‘I’m…I’m not sure…’_

* * *

It’s a little-known fact that a person can drown in only two inches of water. As Becky stares into the amber settled just at the very bottom of her glass, she wonders where she is as far as that particular over/under is concerned. She wonders what exactly it is she needs to do to make it happen. The glass is far too small for her to fit her entire head into, so supposes there’s got to be something else.

Lifting the glass to where it’s eye level, Becky swirls the liquid around, watching closely as it creates a small cyclone before she’s downing it with ease. There isn’t even a burn as it slides agonizingly slow down her throat. The blandness left behind leaves her incredibly disappointed.

She doesn’t exactly know how long she’s been sitting here, but she can confirm that she’s seen about three different rounds of people come again. If that’s anything to go by, she’s willing to bet its somewhere teetering on the realm of concerning. Especially given the fact that she’s really only had a drink or two.

Slumping down into her booth, she lets her head thump against the back cushion as her eyes tiredly slip closed. There’s something akin to a headache sitting at the very base of her skull and she once again finds herself rather bitter at the drink in front of her for not providing any sort of relief. A part of her wonders if it would be wise or beneficial for her to get up and order something stronger. 

“I’m not gonna have to carry you out of here, am I?”

Becky’s eyes momentarily pop open just enough to glance to her right. She snorts quietly before closing her eyes again and rolling her head back to the center of the booth cushion. “Shit, if I could get to that point, then I could be so lucky,” she chuckles sourly. When she opens her eyes again, she’s not surprised in the slightest to find the other side of her booth now occupied. “What’re you doing here, Charlie?”

Charlotte appears to ponder this for a moment before she’s shrugging her shoulders. “Well I’ve got a match here Sunday and all.”

Becky rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I know…just trying to see if speaking your usual language would draw anything out of you,” Charlotte smiles softly having taken note of Becky’s lack of reception to her sarcasm. “How you holding up?”

“You saw what happened…” Becky grunts, while shifting in the booth.

Charlotte nods. “I did. I was there actually. After everything that happened though…I figured everyone probably wanted to be left alone.”

Becky mirrors the nod before heaving a big sigh. “Am I an idiot, Charlie?” she all but groans while digging her palms deep into her eyes.

“For…what exactly?”

“For thinking I could love her enough to make her see that I’m worth it.”

Charlotte’s mouth falls ajar for a second. “What? Becks it’s not…”

“I’m the biggest fucking idiot, here right? For thinking that I could be enough to love her through it all. For thinking that if I just had a second, one fucking _second_ , then I could prove it and then she would actually see it.”

Sitting up, Becky suddenly reaches for her glass, but backtracks in disgust, almost as if she’s irritated at the reminder that it’s empty. “This is what I get, right? For thinking it could be enough. That _I_ could be enough.”

For a moment, Charlotte falls silent as she takes in Becky’s deflated composure. “Becky, what happened?”

It’s the first time anyone has asked and the first time she finds herself having to repeat everything in its entirety. “After everything, I thought it would be enough. Things were still kinda rough, but she just went through a breakup, so…I mean, early on I guess I did kinda push too hard and I tried to apologize. I tried to backtrack and see what else it was I could do, but it’s almost like she was never really open to it, you know? I couldn’t ever get her to talk to me and every time I tried, she would just shut down. It felt like…fuck, Charlie, it felt like this was the closest I’ve ever been to her, the closest _we’ve_ ever been, and I felt like I was standing next to a complete stranger.”

Becky pauses and for a moment she gets lost in thought as her fingers absently trace around the rim of her glass. “I wanted her to love me back so bad and I just…” her voice trails off and she shakes her head sadly. “You know she couldn’t ever say it? She couldn’t ever say it back and for a while I just thought…I didn’t wanna put that much pressure on her. Then I realized she…she couldn’t ever say it back. All those times I told her I loved her, she…she never told me she loved me.”

Charlotte lets out a quiet puff of air and sits back against the booth. In her mind, she goes over everything she knows, even if not very much. She goes over the thing she’s seen, even all the way back to NXT leading up to right now. She had just never felt it her place to say anything, so she hasn’t. Seeing how everything is such a mess recently though, a part of her wonders if she should have.

“Becky I think…I don’t know. Obviously, I can’t say but I don’t think it’s that. She just needs…you both just…”

“She needs to what, Char? ‘Figure it out’? ‘Work on some things’? That’s everything she told me before and I didn’t push. I _never_ fucking pushed!” Becky’s bitter laugh is a bit louder than she intends. “How much longer am I supposed to wait? Because what if it never happens? About _when_ it never happens???”

“Look. I know an ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t what you want to here—”

Becky snorts, interrupting. “That’s the last fuckin’ thing I wanna hear—”

“I know, but for what it’s worth, I really am. You don’t deserve to be going through this and neither does Sasha because the two of you…you’re good for each other. You always have been.”

Becky lifts her eyebrows in bitter disbelief. “Then explain why she’s all of a sudden running back to Bayley!? Like everything over the past year just suddenly didn’t mean anything!?” when Charlotte doesn’t have an answer she scoffs and shakes her head. “You know what pisses me off about all of this? Still being where I was before. Still being so in love with her that I just…I just want her to be happy, and I can see from here that she’s not. She’s _not_ , Charlotte.”

Charlotte tilts her head and raises an eyebrow. “And you think you can make her happy?”

“I thought I could, but now? I don’t know…” Becky’s gaze drops down to her hands and she’s quiet for a moment before she’s left shaking her head. “I really don’t know.”

That’s the god honest truth. It’s a question Becky had asked herself plenty of times before even getting to this point. _‘Can I make her happy?’_ It’s she thought she could do. It’s something she thought she could step up to the plate and prove that she was more than capable of doing so. Being left to feel like she’s never been more wrong has left her feeling constantly sick to her stomach.

“Becky, at this point I really don’t think it’s a matter of doing everything right or wrong. I mean of course, given the circumstances, there are rights and there are wrongs, but…I guess what I’m saying is, there’s nothing you could have done because this is something that Sasha has to do. You’ve made it known how you feel and now…now that’s on her and if you want my personal opinion right now, I think she’s…she’s having a hard time figuring herself out. And not just herself in who she is relating to you, or who she is relating to Bayley, but just who she is relating to _Sasha_.”

The reality of it hits Becky like a bag of bricks. Her throat has gone tight and she finds herself having to swallow once twice then three times before she speaks again. When she speaks, her voice is low and rugged and roughly unrecognizable even on her own ears.

“You know the worst part, Charlie?” she shakes her head. “I still…fuck, I still feel so much for her. I still love her and that’s something I just can’t get rid of.”

“So…what are you gonna do?”

Becky blinks, contemplating the question. It leaves a weight on her shoulders that feels like the entire world bearing down with the sole purpose to crush her. If she had an answer for what she was going to do, she’s sure she would’ve solved all the world’s problems by now, much less her own. 

“I need to know it’s okay…” she mumbles.

The words are spoken so quietly that Charlotte nearly misses them. She has to lean forward over the table just a bit to make sure she heard correctly. “Make sure what’s okay, exactly?”

Sighing heavily for a final time, Becky drags both her hands over her face before resting her head in her hand.

“I need to know it’s okay to choose me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo, Mania is creeping up!!! 
> 
> Whewww man, if you guys feel some type of way about THIS just you guys WAIT. I've got something cooking up for you guys. Not related to this, but something new in the near distant futurue. If this ones a toughie whewwww just waaaaait! 
> 
> Haha, as always, thanks for indulging my insanity. Thoughts always welcome ! :)


	18. Chapter 18

It was her first win in months.

She remembers the last time she had her arm raised high. It had been her last tag match and that had been months ago. That had been months ago when doing the thing she loves so much didn’t feel like such a chore. That had been months ago before everything had fallen apart. Months ago, when she had thought she was at her happiest, only to find out later that she hadn’t even known the meaning of the word. Months ago, when she had felt a lot closer to herself than she has in the coming months that followed.

It was her first win. 

Sure, looking at it on the surface level of it all, it wasn’t exactly defining. It wasn’t something she could say she’s going to look back on and say, _‘that moment is the moment I’m most proud of’_. Although, she supposes that others will. Others that are obsessed with statistics and track counts. Others that will fall to their knees, take to their keyboards, and raise their flags celebrating her first win in so many attempts. They’ll be proud of that moment. She supposes she’s happy for them. She’s happy they have something to celebrate. She’s not sure she can share the same sentiments.

It was her first.

If she were to be completely honest, she doesn’t remember much about it. It was a throwaway. A randomly cast battle royale that probably isn’t going to lead anything anyway. Nothing but a filler possibly tossed together last minute that served no purpose but to fill up space and take up time. She had laughed at the irony of it all. Of all the things for her to find success in, it was a placeholder. She was the winner of a placeholder. The reigning champion of absolutely nothing. There only to serve purpose as a visual representation of being victorious from something that holds no significant value. There to make herself—no. There to make other people feel good. God, the irony is sweetly sickening. A hell of an oxymoron.

It was her.

In a strange twist of irony, she felt _something_. Despite not giving a damn about the histrionics regarding the match itself, she found herself feeling what she can closely relate to as attachment. The walk from the ring and up the ramp had led her to feel the cliché momentary breath of fresh air. Like someone had taken cleaner to a window that had been previously clouded with gunk and debris. She could hear her name as she made her way up the ramp. _Her_ name. For a brief moment, she really thought she was imagining it. It’s not something she would past herself at all, but it hadn’t been an imagination. It wasn’t an imagination as she took in both sides of the ramp, both sides of the barricades packed with people, clambering over one another, shouting her name, extending their hands. These people, these _strangers_ , they saw her. They actually _saw_ _her_. That’s why she took the time to acknowledge them, to return the side-fives, to just take it all in. To take in the moment of being seen.

It was the first time in so long, that she fully felt like Sasha Banks. She’s fully aware of how ridiculous how that might sound, seeing as that’s who she is. Of course, she should feel like that, right? There’s more to it than just that, though. More that she finds herself having a bit of a hard time gathering into words that make sense, but she knows what she feels. The closest to feeling like _Sasha_ _Banks_ , someone who once existed long before everything went wrong.

It had been the very first match and it had ended hours ago. She truly doesn’t remember much about the before or the after. The only thing she has solid recollection on is the fact she had been out there alone. It was her entrance, her music, her everything. It had just been her and that was something she hadn’t exactly realized is something everyone takes for granted. Well…perhaps not everyone. It could very well be just her that had taken such a thing for granted. _‘You don’t know what you have until you know longer have it’_. That particular thought had stung like acid.

Even though her match had ended hours ago, her nerves are through the roof. She hadn’t exactly been paying much attention to the lone monitor hanging on the wall in front of her. Instead, she has spent nearly the full of duration of her stay pacing the empty room. She doesn’t know how many laps she’s done around the leather couch, but she’s sure if she looked, she’d be very valid in expecting to see something of a groove worn into the floor.

Her pacing ceases momentarily as she glances at the monitor. It’s a steel cage match with two contenders that hold no significance to Sasha. She doesn’t even know if this is a title match. She doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t care. Shaking her head, she bites down on her bottom lip and continues her slow trek around the room while thoughts run wild in her head. She finds herself so focused on nothing at all that she doesn’t even register the door opening.

“…And _still_! _Your_ Raw Women’s Champion!”

Even now, Sasha can’t fend off the tiny smirk that just barely cracks her lips. Her feet slow to a stop just somewhere around the backside of the couch. She raises an eyebrow while bracing her hand against the couch cushions. “Whose champion?” she implores amusedly. “You always make announcements like that to supposedly empty rooms?”

Charlotte’s arms slowly fall down to her sides from where she had brandished the door open and stepped through it in such a fashion that only she does when making an entrance. “I mean, it has a bit of a different effect when they’re, you know, _empty_. So yeah,” she sniffs haughtily in an attempt to regain some of her pride. “Not that I don’t enjoy the company or anything, but uh…what’re you doing in here?”

Sasha shrugs, because even she doesn’t know the answer. No. That’s a lie. She does know.

“I needed a second,” she pauses for a moment and huffs almost mirthlessly. “Bayley and I are sharing a dressing room and she’s…doing what she needs to do right now.”

Charlotte raises an eyebrow suspiciously, but she doesn’t ask. “I see. So, you’re squatting here for the time being.”

Sasha scoffs. “I don’t ‘squat’. I just…I don’t know. I guess I was also kind of waiting for you, I guess…” she shrugs and wraps her arms around herself while looking anywhere else in the room other than the curious pair of eyes in front of her. “They brought that in a little bit ago, by the way.”

“Awww, you even hung it up for me!” Charlotte exclaims, heading over to one of the cubbies where hangs the robe she wore to the ring.

“I definitely did not. They brought it in and hung it up. You know I would’ve just tossed it.”

“That’s because you don’t have respect for the finer things.”

Sasha rolls her eyes. “Please, you’re just gonna ball it up and stuff it in your suitcase anyway.”

“That’s not the point.” Charlotte lifts her chin and strides across the room with more gusto than necessary. She unclasps the belt around her waist and sets it aside before moving to the task of unlacing her boots. “So…you’re waiting for me. I’m here. What’s up?”

Sasha opens her mouth but finds herself hesitating. “I don’t know. I think I just…I really didn’t know if you’d be in here or not. When I saw that you weren’t I just kinda stayed. I guess I just needed the quiet.”

Charlotte frowns slightly. “Hey, it’s not a problem, you know that. Especially since it seems like Bayley’s in one of her moods again. You know you’re welcome here.”

The flinch happens before she can do anything to try and mentally contain it. “She’s not in a mood. It’s a big match and she’s just…” she trails off, realizing the words are moot and useless, especially with the way Charlotte is eyeing her, no doubt relating to her initial reaction. “I needed a second.”

‘You need more than a second,’ is Charlotte’s instinctive response, but she doesn’t say anything. She remains silent for a moment, watching as Sasha appears to struggle with her words. She wants to ask what happened. Not in relation to the pipe bomb of information that’s been dropped on her as of recent, but she wants to ask what happened to her. What happened to her friend who used to be so iron willed and driven? What happened to all of that?

She so _badly_ wants to ask, but she doesn’t.

“Congrats on your win,” is what she goes with instead. “You looked great out there tonight.”

Sasha snorts, sounding slightly dismissive. “I tossed Lana over a rope. Not exactly the most defining moment of my career.”

Charlotte shrugs. “Maybe not, but you outlasted everyone else anywhere. Who knows, that could lead to something coming up.”

“Well…I’m not exactly looking for it to, I guess.” Sasha mumbles while shaking her head.

Charlotte momentarily worries her bottom lip before speaking again. “Look, Sash. I’m not just talking about the outcome of the match. I’m saying…shit, look. People think, _you_ think, that just because I’m over on Raw that I don’t see things. I still _watch_ , Sasha and I see it. For so long I’ve sat back and watched you just go through the motions and tonight I saw something else. Fuck the fact it was some fluff match. For the duration of it I got to see _you_ and _that_ is what I think looks great.” 

Sasha grins. It’s small but bashful, and quite possibly one of the few genuine ones she’s sported in quite some time. It’s one of the few she actually feels come naturally and not one she has to pull forced because she’s in front of a crowd or camera. It’s the first time she can fully say she’s smiling as just _Sasha_.

“It felt good…you know? It wasn’t much, but it was nice to just feel it. I didn’t know I was missing it.”

“We often don’t realize it, until we realize it’s gone.”

“Yeah…”

There’s a silence that falls between the two of them. It’s not an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. A silence with only the weight of internal thoughts hanging in the air. It’s comfortable, but eventually broken by Sasha as she sighs quietly.

“It’s next, right?”

Charlotte hums before nodding. “Yeah. You gonna watch?”

“Yeah…I was…yeah, I’m gonna.”

“Me too…”

Silence. Too much silence.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for…” Sasha cuts herself off, licking her lips as she tries to work out her words. “I’m not sure how to…”

“Hey,” Charlotte cuts in quietly. “Nothing’s expected of you here.”

Sasha’s gaze drops to the floor. “I feel like it might be…” she mumbles, mostly to herself. She remains quiet for several moments before a small frown creases her eyebrows. “I think…I’m gonna take a walk before it starts. Kinda clear my head for a bit.”

Charlotte nods. “Okay…” she says carefully. “I’m just gonna take a shower, but I’ll be here whenever you decide you wanna come back.”

“Kay…” Sasha murmurs quietly while slowly heading towards the door.

“Sasha…”

Hearing her name, she pauses just as she reaches for the handle. “Yeah?”

“I…” Charlotte cuts herself off while reevaluating what she wants to say. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you but…it’s okay. I know it might not seem like it with everything that’s gone on, but it is _okay_.”

Sasha doesn’t ask. She doesn’t need to. There’s no further explanation required for her to understand. She can’t exactly say that she agrees, but she hears it and hearing it…well, that’s still something. At least hearing it means she acknowledges it and that is perhaps just a step up from where she’s been.

“Thanks, Char.” She quietly nods her thanks before slipping out of the room.

* * *

She’s had matches at pay per views, but none can even come close to holding a candle to this. Everything surrounding this one night had been nothing but a ball of nerves and a looking cloud of anxiety. She can’t even say that she even halfway slept the night prior. The night had consisted of tossing and turning and eventually laying sprawled out on the mattress while she started up at the dark ceiling of her room. On one occasion she had settled on getting out of bed while pacing the full length of her room in an attempt to do anything she can to tire herself out just enough to get some sleep.

Hours later, she finds herself alone. Alone in a dressing room. _Her_ dressing room. That had thrown her off when she had arrived at the arena hours ago and she was shown to a room and asked if she needed anything. Where she had been able to be left alone to her own quiet thoughts and preparations. That had been hours ago, and she hadn’t once left. She needed this time.

This match will be the match that means the most to her when she looks back twenty or thirty years from now. Her first title match just so happening to fall at WrestleMania. Her first title match just so happening to fall at WrestleMania where it’s the _Main Even_ t. Ironically enough, it’s her first title match and that belt is one of the last things on her mind.

_‘Any imaginary reigns you would have with this, are just my sloppy seconds.’_

The words had struck a chord and stayed that way. Even days, Becky can hear them echoing around in her mind. It’ll be at random times of day that she’ll find her fists clenching tightly when the thought invites itself in for a couple hours before leaving only to wash rinse and repeat the invasion.

_‘Sloppy seconds.’_

Her jaw tightens and for a moment she hates how angry she gets. She hates it because it’s everything she’s been fighting herself over the last several days. Despite everything she’s told herself, everything she’s tried, tried, and tried _again_ to convince herself of, her instinctive reaction is the same. Just like it’s always been.

A heavy sigh escapes her, momentarily interrupting her internal bout of nerves as she drops her gaze to her wrists. She had been in the middle of wrapping them, and she hadn’t even realized she had paused when she had gotten lost in her own head. Sighing again, she tears the tape with her teeth before turning her attention to the other wrist.

Been the nerves, her thoughts, and the damn tape, she doesn’t hear the door when it’s first open. In fact, if she were to take the split second moment to ask herself, she’s unsure if she would be able to pinpoint the exact moment that it had been opened. Nevertheless, she doesn’t here it, but for however long it’s been opened, she definitely senses she’s not alone anymore. While she doesn’t lift her head completely, she spares a quick glance in the mirror in front of her and that had only served to confirm what she thought. She’s _definitely_ not alone anymore.

The silence is heavy and the air falls so thick she feels like it’s choking her. In the span of a second, it has become even more difficult to breathe, but she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she keeps her head angled down towards her wrist, where she is gripping the tape so tightly in one hand like her entire future depends on it. Maybe it does.

“I…probably should’ve knocked…”

Becky doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t even move. The only indication she even heard the quietly spoken words is the way her jaw just barely ticks.

There’s a quiet sigh.

“I…I know I shouldn’t be here…and you probably don’t want me here. I just wanted to-no. I needed to tell you good luck.”

Becky’s inhale is quick. Almost too quick that makes a noise to indicate she had been listening. Her eyes flit to the mirror and for a moment their eyes lock and Becky wishes for all the world that they hadn’t. She wishes their eyes hadn’t met and she wishes…she wishes they never did what they did. She wishes she had never kissed her and that she never kissed back. She wishes she never fell in love.

“It won’t mean much, or probably anything coming from me, but…you really deserve to be here. You more than deserve this and I hope…” another sigh. “Good luck, Becky.”

There’s movement in the mirror and when Becky eventually turns around, she’s unsurprised to find the doorway empty. She releases a breath she hadn’t even been aware she had been holding and drops her gaze down to her shoes. She wonders if she had said something, if she _should_ have said something. Even if she had, what good would that have done? What could it have done? It quite literally could’ve landed her right back where she started. _That’s_ what could have happened.

“Becky, you’re comin’ up.”

She doesn’t much acknowledge the production assistant who momentarily poked his head in the door. She only nods absently before tearing the last of her tape with her teeth. She rolls her neck and turns back to her mirror. As she stares at her reflection, she does everything she can to silence the raging storm in her head. From there, she’s willing to channel that into giving it everything she’s got.

* * *

Sasha is nearly biting through her lip as she hesitates on entering the room. She tilts her head back and her shoulders visibly rise and fall in preparation before she opens the door. She carefully pokes her head inside before slipping into the room completely, making sure to leave the door cracked just a fraction as she does.

“Where’d you go?”

She’s a bit taken off guard by the question, even though she knows good and damn well she shouldn’t be at all surprised. “I don’t know. You said you needed a minute.”

Bayley, who is currently hunched over and braced in front of the mirror, angles her head to the side just slightly to look at Sasha directly. “Yeah…but you were gone a little more than a minute.”

“I…” Sasha frowns and shrugs. “I wanted to give you space to do whatever you needed to do. I found Charlotte and we just started talking.” She sighs to herself when she only receives a quiet snort in response. Lifting her eyes towards the ceiling, she moves forward, doing what she can to take the attention and conversation off herself. “How’s you shoulder?”

Bayley’s scoff is bitter as she sends a hateful look to the kinesio-tape covering her shoulder. “It could be better. It shouldn’t even _be_ like this in the first place,” she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “She knew exactly what she was doing. Couldn’t beat me straight up, so she had to take a fucking shortcut.”

Sasha fends of the urge to roll her eyes. This is why she hadn’t wanted to come here in the first place, but on her way back to Charlotte’s she had realized she’d left her phone behind. That’s a mistake she’s made one too many times and she definitely wasn’t looking to do it again.

“I shouldn’t even have to fucking do this at all.” Bayley straightens up and rolls her shoulders. “Bring me that, yeah?”

Following the gesture, Sasha spots the token blue belt carefully displayed in a chair a few steps across the room. She glances back for a moment before she moves to retrieve it. When she picks it up, she allows her fingers to slowly trace the jewels encrusting the side and she smiles bitterly. She’s never hated an inanimate object more in her entire life.

 _‘You and I have a lot in common,’_ she thinks bitterly before heading back across the room. She pretends not to notice the way Bayley slightly lifts her arms when she nears. Instead, she holds the belt out between the two of them. She can only offer a small, but hopefully convincing enough smile when Bayley’s eyes dart between her and the belt.

Bayley raises an eyebrow, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead, a tight smile pulls at the corner of her lips. “You watching?”

Sasha forces her own grin to widen. “Wouldn’t miss it.” She shifts slightly as hands come down to rest on her waist. She tries to be casual about it as she angles her head to the side and away from the kiss aimed at her lips. Judging by Bayley’s slight frown, she hadn’t been casual enough but she still tries to quietly laugh it off. “I don’t wanna throw you off…save it for after?”

Bayley’s eyes narrow slightly before she smiles. “Mmm, and after this is done, we can celebrate... _Properly_.”

Sasha doesn’t pay much attention to the rest of the conversation. She can’t exactly attribute it to being a ‘conversation’ at all seeing as she isn’t exactly given the prompt or opportunity to respond or provide any sort of input. For the most part she left nodding and humming along quietly while Bayley rants and rambles on this that and then other.

There’s a kiss to her forehead and more words she doesn’t recall as they separate in the hall. Her shoulders relax as she finds her way back to Charlotte’s dressing room. She’s unsurprised to find her friend splayed out across the couch in comfortable clothes with her hair pulled into a comfortable bun.

“You get your stuff taken care of?” Charlotte asks, not even looking up from her phone.

“I…yeah…” Sasha sighs tiredly as she heads over to the couch. She nudges Charlotte’s legs off the cushions before she’s plopping down and tucking herself into the corner. “You ever get that feeling that you might’ve messed up somewhere? And you’d do anything you can to go back and change it?”

Charlotte thinks for a moment before shrugging. “I guess…why? Something you wish you could change?”

“Yeah…”

_‘Everything’_

* * *

She can feel the pulse of the crowd in her feet. It’s like a low rumble that shakes her down to her very core. Her eyes are closed and she’s focusing on her breathing. Four counts in. Four out. Three counts in. Three out.

_‘—that could mean somethin’.”_

_‘It definitely could, and it will when you beat her.’_

_‘Yeah. Maybe if I beat her, it’ll be like…I deserve a shot or somethin’, ya know?’_

That had been a long time ago. 

A time when she was world’s away from where she is now.

As she’s left idle, her heart rate starts to pick up.

_‘Becks, you good?”_

_‘Yeah! Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, Sash. I ah, that’s good stuff really. You’ll be watching, right?’_

_‘Always. Wouldn’t miss it.’_

One count in. One out.

She opens her eyes and when she does it’s like she’s looking through a different lens, a lens that is strictly _hers._

She rolls her neck and does a quick series of hops from foot to foot as she shakes out her hands.

This is it. 

This is _her_ moment.

 ** _‘The following contest is a Last Woman Standing Match and it is for the Smackdown Women’s Championship...’_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time...it's heeeereeee.


End file.
